American Pie
July 4, 2013 Sung to “American Pie”
A long, long time ago
I can still remember...
How the good cakes used to make me smile.
But now I never get the chance
;)
The cakes all make me look askance
;)
I haven’t seen a good one for a while
Star-studded horse-dog makes me quiver
;)
For that price I hope they deliver
;)
Floral foam's a misstep
;)
What have they done to this schlep?
;)
How could this bring a baker pride?
;)
Why do the squids swim side-by-side?
;)
The frosting ran...
;)
...when eagles cried
;)
The day... my chiiiilllldhood... died.
;)
So...
I’ll buy an American pie
Heart so heavy 'cause the bevy of bad cakes make me cry
;)
And customers stare at them wistfully and sigh
;)
Thinking,
"This won't be the cake that I buy."
;)
"This won't be the cake that I buy."
Let's sing the praises of Clayton M., Jennifer C., Jodee R., Keri G., Valerie H., Gillian H., Lori C., Louise W., L.P., Deborah O., Broukg., Courtney H., Michele T., and Tharr, even though their cakes leave us red, white and oh, so blue.
Reader Comments (80)
You... are... a... GENIUS! Thank you for so many, many laughs!
That's actually not bad for a crab cake. I could tell what it was supposed to be.
I'd love a lick of icing from the dog pony. Icing, yum!
Truly brilliant! Happy 4th!
I laughed til I cried. You are amazing, and I hope you're feeling better! Happy 4th.
I like the Small Shrub of Liberty one.
Globetrotter reject
takes revenge with ninja arts:
Frownie shuriken.
at "The day... my chiiiilllldhood... died." i was laughing so hard i woke my baby who had fallen asleep on me while nursing. i should've known better than to come here with a sleeping baby.
Because of Fear-of-earworm, I did not sing the post, but I offer my 1st thoughts upon viewing today's offerings;
1. Beware the GLOB
2. "Suffering from July 4th 2011"? fear not, there is relief.
3. … and the stars were sad.
4. Where should one put the missing decimal point?
5. Ah, the attack of the jungle natives!!
6. Unde Sim?
7. Ah, Yes, god ol' Ugly Stack University. Good times.
8. Armed Sperm!!!
9. Who drooled on the display case?
10. Eagles eat carrion, you know.
11. … Nope. Not touching that one with a 10 foot Hungarian.
12. Ah, finally cleaned out the flotsam drawer.
13.Colourblind decorator
14' Punk donut.
I out and out guffawed at "The day... my chiiiilllldhood... died." How could you not sing along with this post?
!!Happy 4th to John, Jen, and ALL of the"WreckCrew"!! I wish to submit an application to adopt the red, white, and blue Fido/Secretariat/Fidotariat. I don't care if he likes Milkbones or oatmeal bars, he's pitiful-cute. And he shouldn't have to spend the holiday-or ANY day-trapped in a plastic bubble with frowning stars and dirty footprints. OR with a plastic star impaled into his shoulder blade. I'll be there shortly, so please pack his clothes, toiletries, favorite cup, teddy bear, etc. See you soon!
=^~.~^=
I wonder if the motto for these cake "decorators" is;
"In Gawd-Awful We Trust"?
Sharyn, you really have a gift. That was awesome!! And that "rocket" cake - are you kidding me? So. Many Jokes!
"Reach for the Sky"? Nice JOB, you stupid label-writing, national-emblem-of-freedom-scaring people. Look what you've done! That poor eagle is so flustered that he's shedding feathers!
=^u.u,^=
Patriotically Perfect in every way!
Oh, man, I had to fight soooo hard NOT to hear that darn song in my poor abused brain! THE worst ear worm ever! Almost as bad as the cakes.... But at least they are reputed to be edible. Maybe.
Off to make my own approximation of a flag, rendered in Cool Whip, strawberries and blueberries.....
And now that song is stuck in my head...
This. Was. Awesome.
Oh Sharyn... I do adore your posts! Thanks for the brilliance and the laughs!
Seriously awesome lyrics this week, Jen and Sharyn!
Lady Liberty is now a Tiki goddess...great, just great...and thank goodness that the balding eagle (did ya notice some loose feathers on the cake there?) is 'For display only'. A CCC, no less. Such sacrilege, though I supposed the...rockets...are worse. (And I won't say what we're all thinking, lest my 9yr old son overhear/read my typing...) And we finish it all off with another patriotic Tribble! At least this one properly has no visible eyes. Let's hope it's that one-in-a-million sterile Tribble & won't propagate...
And now that song will be in my head for days. ?Thanks? As a child, it terrified me because "they were singing....this will be the day that I die." Death?! TODAY?! AAAIIIGGHHH!!! *VERY* scary thought for a 4-yr old...(Yes, I'm dating myself...) Interestingly, Weird Al Yankovic did a Star Wars-inspired parody of this song & it's absolutely hilarious! Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEcjgJSqSRU
But, you may have to cut n paste that...this Lady ain't that tech-savvy...just martial arts savy :-)
Are you trying to tell me that you WOULDN'T pay $138 for that beautiful rendering of the Titanic's smokestack?
Oh, and as long as we're not on the subject, "A Happy Phallic Fourth to You, Too!" What a *happy* cake!!
=^e.e^=
Bahahahahahaha :D
Okay, seriously, the horrors. All of my fondant babies look much better than this . . . their heads aren't beaten in, they don't need their edges trimmed. And I didn't throw them loose in a box with a $5 sign on them.
Candy babies for sale
YES, I'm still obsessing about fondant babies.
@Shirley Fowley: I like your motto idea ("In Gawd-Awful We Trust"). Gawd love 'em, though. Where would we get our daily dose of giggles without them?
=^~.~^=
Sharyn: Bravo...(standing, clapping) Bravo!
@all my fellow Wreckies: Happy Fourth of July, and if you live in the USA, have a safe holiday; if you live outside the USA, have a safe Thursday.....
@Jen and john (thoj): thanks for Cake Wrecks and all you do to let laughter ring....
I don't know any of "American Pie", but I do know "The Saga Begins" :)
If Sharyn will forgive me, I shall pick up where she left off...
Did you see that cupcake mess?
Six stripes, a blob and I confess
A paper star that made me cry….
And please, if someone could tell me
What does this mean, support is free
On Tuesday, the fourth of, July?
At least he got the colours right
But dog-horse gave me quite a fright
And cake upon the shelf
Man, it should stay there by itself!
Well I have been to NYC
And this don’t look like Liberty
Don’t look like anything much to me
Apart from horrified.
So don’t buy these American Pies
Been created and degraded by some really dumb guys
Uncle Sam looks like he’s gonna cry
And this is hardly any surprise,
This is hardly any surprise.
Now, for heaven’s sake, what happened to
The USA – it’s now the USU
I’m sure there’s no such place you know
And with squirmy squids in empty space
And airbrush paint all over the place
There’s only one way we can go
We need to close these bakers down
Their efforts really make us frown
This eagle’s badly hurt
Oh, it’s about to hit the dirt!
Those rockets somehow don’t look right
Don’t think they’ll ever take to flight
They really gave me quite a fright
I would not buy these guys
*They’re really mingin'…
Don’t buy these American pies
I suspect they’ve been erected (!) by some really dumb guys
They really don’t appear to appetise
Someone should take away their supplies
Someone should take away their supplies
Crab cakes I have definitely tasted
The dude who made this might just have been wasted
Extremely high and very daft
And what in the world is going on
Some squiggles, a misshapen sun?
How does this mean Independence, I must ask?
Now the last one says it all for me
The pathos, and the tragedy
The coloured worms and sprinkles, see?
I would not buy these guys…
[all together now]
So don’t buy these American pies
Been created and degraded by some really dumb guys
If bad was good, they’d all win first prize,
But I wish you Happy 4th of July….
*Scottish slang for vile!
After sharing today's post with my family, I realized there is no way that the person responsible for the
Phallic Fourth cake did not know exactly what they were doing.
It obviously depicts Adams, Jefferson and Franklin preparing for the birth of our great nation.
Happy Fourth, everyone!
Fourteen (14!) wrecks. In one day. FourTEEN. FOUR.TEEN. FOURTEEN!!! In ONE day. FOR one day. The "birth" of our country! OUR! COUNTRY! And they can't get it right. CANNOT GET IT RIGHT.
((SIGHHHhhhhhhhhhhh))............................
Man, I love this country! Isn't it awesome???
=^~.~^=
That last "U" stands for "Uhmericuh", doncha know.
Is it just me, or does the first "cake" look like the Flying Glove from Yellow Submarine wearing a patriotic disguise?
Great stuff! On that dog cake, the expessions of those 2 bottom stars sum the whole thing up perfectly!
Sorry! I mean, Candy babies for sale The guy with his tongue hanging out of his engagement photo on a cake was just bonus.
Truly wonderful. Happy 4th everyone.
Wow -- the sheer NEWNESS of these song parodies never ceases to amaze. Theardare finds the 'earworm' comments oddly pleasing.
Several of these make me think of Play-Doh. #1 for instance. The boric acid adds just the right tang.
#2 I can certainly see how "Support July 4" might be a needful reminder. [watch it...]
#4 At first, I thought this was in a bathroom, but the lights and the filing cabinet dispelled that notion. @Shirley Fowley, I'd put the decimal point to the left of the '1'.
#5 This looks like some Aztec deity. Hopefully I didn't offend any Aztecs out there.
#6 'Uncle Sim'? So this cake only exists in cyberspace? That's a relief.
#7 Graduates of Unconscious State University have every reason to be proud of their alma mater. If the school colors just happen to be red, blue and white, so what.
#8 Swimmers wearing party hats?
#10 came so close to being ok, for a CCC. "Reach for the sky"? Was this a patriotic-themed holdup? I can certainly see how... [stop right there.]
#11 Moving right along...
#12 A patriotic crab? I might have to know the story on this one, even if it turns out to make some sort of sense and causes the earth to stop mid-orbit and ponder.
#13, 14 Even the wreckorators gave up.
The star-studded horse dog just does me in. What are those things in the corners -- paw prints? When the plastic stars are placed over them, it looks like tiny cake creatures are screaming underneath. Probably want to be released from the horror of it all.
Sharyn, bravo! And Joan, take a bow! Massive fireworks finale for both of you!
I missed TWO great puns:
#2 Dog & pony show all in one (@Bea)
#11 Crab cakes (@Joan the 'fellow' Scot)
I may have to attend summer school at USU as a penance.
@ mell - Well said! Totally with you there...(& here :-)
@ Nyperold - Giggle-SNORT!
@Emily - I see what you did there... :-)
@ SuBee - but where's Washington?!
@Haiku Joy - snuck a plug in for your babies, eh?
@Joan - WOW!!! I hereby nominate you as Sharyn's understudy. (Ok, 2nd understudy - you know whom you are :-) That way, if she ever gets sick or take a vacation, we will not get the DTs while waiting for her return. You will save *millions* of Wreckies from a terrible fate! What an incredible opportunity! ;-) You only have to check in 1x a day, everyday, for the rest of your life & make sure Sharyn has posted a cute little parody for us. Then you are free to go about your business...until the next day. And I guess you can have Sundays off, since that's Sunday Sweets day. :-) <said with a sneaky smile/grin on my face>
USU???!
Oy.
That last one looks like it's covered in Patriotic Poos. Frankly, that scares me more than I care to admit!
@Haiku Joy:
wWoWw--you weren't kidding. SO not kidding. ("Can we say 'SCARY', boys and girls? Let's say it together!! SSCCAARRRYYY....!!")
=^e.e^=
Love this post!! I will always sing this version now lol
I'sn't it wonderful how commited and meticulous the wreckers are? Not overlooking even the small details: In cake number 3 they've placed the star decoration in such way that the paw print is half hidden so you see some kind of scary face, kind of a Scream mask.
@KarateLady: Age doesn't matter unless you're wine or cheese. So they say. =^-.-^=
Hmmm....flying gloves and scream masks...(? ! ?)
Well, I saw Yellow Submarine when it came out. Yeah, I'm like THAT old, man. Don't mess with it. The Glove was blue. And Scream doesn't look like some pity-party-pouty cookie cutter. Get with the program or get better pharms.
Young punks these days...! What's a mother to do??
=^-.-^=
Wow, has no one commented with Weird Al The Saga Begins yet?
"frownie shuriken." Bwa ha ha haaaa!!! I would definitely hurl some of those at these wreckerators! Bravo Haiku Joy. And Sharyn and Joan! Happy 4th to you all!
I just sang this out loud to my kids while playing "Weird Al" Yankovic - The Saga Begins on youtube.
They are cracking up :)
At the first.....The illustrator who lost the gig for "Yellow Submarine".
At the last...Are those styrofoam beads?
My husband's response to the, um, rocket cake, was, "Founding Fathers?"
Hee hee!