Tuesday
Jun182013
Guest Post For You!
June 18, 2013
;)
[fade to dream sequence]
"We all know the importance of a water filter. It is an important part of every household."
;)
This cake is very ugly!
"There are many brands of water filters. Many are good brands."
;)
This cake is not spelled right!
"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat."
;)
This cake is showing a dead clown!
Glorious Water Filters Of Joy Helped Me Lost Ten Pounds
"In conclusion, not all water filters are the same. Many water filters are different."
;)
The guitar looks very much like a penis!
Your Penis Will Need Wheelbarrow: Discount Water Filters
;)
Thanks to Amy B., Jennifer C., Viole, & Valerie F. for reminding me of all the times a news outlet asks to feature a CW slideshow - and then writes their own captions.
Reader Comments (67)
All I can say is... LOL. And please, don't forget to replace your water filter every 90 days. >:-|
Now THAT is how you deal with spam emails! :) Great job!
Sung to: Be Our Guest
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i-VdwsENRSs
Let me guest, let me guest
Water filters are the best
Filters make the cakes much more pretty
Good for bad spelling stress
Water Pure
Calms the nerves
It's what the dead clown deserves
With Viagra it's delicious!
(Might fulfill your lady's wishes)
It will sing, in your pants
Better than water in France
Without filters guitar cake is second best
C'mon, we chose this venue
Let us write and then you'll
Let us guest
Let us guest
Let us guest!!!
(I have the sudden urge to refi my mortgage while doing a full body cleanse to lose 10 pounds overnight while I wait for my money to arrive from that foreign prince.)
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Drink Unfiltered Water - It probably won't kill you
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I love, love, love the hyperlinks! :)
Want to become a millionaire with water filters--with almost no work? Ask him how!
Ha ha ha! This post was the perfect post for today; I just had a client ask me if I would build backlinks for him (I write and edit web content), and after doing some research I'm sort of stunned at the stupid things black hat SEO services do to create incoming links. :-P
AWW! That was hilarious~my tummy giggled! I think I have to say that my favorite is the PoorPitifulSwirlySeasickColorfulClownVortexFromHell cupcake.The green, Emu-footprint one is lovely, too...but, ick-that last one is a little HARD to look at, since you had to go and POINT out how very *happy* it looks. Still(waters run deep), I don't get what the bloodyhell any of this crap has to do with water filters, even though the word "well" is doing a guest appearance on the white cake.
=^??^= curiouser and curiouser....
Your narrative is the best part! Well, that and the hysterically bad cakes.
One of the best....
I am speechless. In a good way. And I need a water filter for my refrigerator.
Really.
The guitar makes me think of a phrase a good friend loves to use "Rock out with your c*** out." (think another term for male chicken.)
Brilliant. Simply brilliant, absolutely spot-on.
A few years ago I did some faux blogs for SEO purposes, and while it was a fun writing exercise I found the whole process detestable. And now it's come to this transparent marketing ploy to provide meaningless verbiage they call "content." Disgusting.
"Glorious Water Filters Of Joy Helped Me Lost Ten Pounds" had me laughing out loud at my desk despite my best efforts to stop. (it was "Lost" instead of "Lose" that did it.) I really should know better than to read this website at work by now...
Attached please find a bill for my new keyboard which will need to be replaced now that I spewed pomegranate juice all over it from laughing. Also...my penis will need a wheelbarrow....
Bwahahahahaha! Thanks John (THOJ)! Also? I do NOT recommend eating yogurt and granola while reading CW. That stuff hurts when it comes out your nose!
Second cake -- "Eell Well Best Wishes" ?? I can't decipher what it was trying to say...
And that clown is hideous!
I don't think I like CreepyGuest-PosterGuy. He writes like a foreign telemarketer speaks. I don't need no stinkin' water filters, either - erotic or otherwise. Make him go away!
But...shoot, I HAVE to ask : John, is he your little alter-ego "friend"?
=^~.-^=
LOL!! Thanks John -- that provided good belly laughs for myself and my co-worker. Great way to start the day.
PoorPitifulSwirlySeasickColorfulClownVortexFromHell
This needs to be the name of a death metal band. Minions! Make it so.
What a fun post! That green cake with the roses is my fave. printer ink. vaginal mesh lawsuit.
Huh. I don't know drip about water filters. Am I supposed to HAVE one in the house somewhere? Do you need one of you have city water? (Listen to me, would you--like this is some kinda Home Improvement channel or something! Good grief.)
=^a,a^=
@Kim in ID:
"This needs to be the name of a death metal band." ~~Hey, y'know that's not a bad idea at all! Maybe I should get it copyrighted or something--it would be JUST my luck to have it really "take off" and leave me in the dust or something (yeah, riiight). =^~.~^=
That you working in a reference to "Lorem ipsum" has given me great joy...
I assume all of these are on that list of "Two - No, Five - No, Seven - No, Six - No, One... WHATEVS... Foods You Should NEVER EAT!!!!"?
Glorious Water Filters Of Joy Helped Me Lost Ten Pounds - Bahahahahaha! Yup, my day is off to a good start. My kids have stopped wondering why I laugh so hard at my computer...
I love the drawings, btw - very Hyperbole and a Half :)
My whole world is out of kilter,
I think I need a new water filter
To purify my H-2-O,
(and I think it runs a tad too slow.)
To cleanse my water, that’s what I need,
And increase its flow to the proper speed.
Do you know where I can get one for less?
I’m in a quandary, I confess.
I keep seeing cakes of green,
Ugly cakes, almost obscene.
(I need a filter of good brand,
One that I can change by hand.)
I laugh at cakes with funny spelling
While upstairs the neighbor’s yelling
“Don’t buy a filter based on price –
Just get one that works really nice.”
And down the block a small boy frowns.
When asked why he says,
“I see dead clowns.”
(He needs a filter to bring him joy….)
I am aware it is no toy
And a big discount is just a ploy
To get me to buy one on the cheap,
But what you sow, you also reap.
And you know what would be really great?
A water filter to lose weight!
Multi-purpose! Holy cow!
(Reminds me of the great Pan-wow!)
Just one final thought
As I look at each type,
Trying hard to avoid the hype,
My brows knit together in tight furrow,
I don’t want one that
Makes my penis need a wheelbarrow….
(I’m not against glandular enhancement,
And I know of its entrancement,)
But I’ve no need to look like Kilimanjaro.
My whole life is out of kilter,
I know I need a new water filter.
OMG!! Now the folks in McDonalds think I'm having seizures!! Trying to laugh quietly in public does nothing for your image. LOL
@ Lisa:
I've GOT it! ((snaps fingers)) "ROOSTER"!! (That IS what you were thinking of, right?)
=^u.u^=
Read the fine print. The wheelbarrow is only in case the appendage falls off.
@Sharyn: hehehehe
I don't know why, but it shocks me that news outlets ask for a CW slideshow and then want to put in their own captions. Talk about clueless! Sure, these cakes are funny/sad, but this site wouldn't work without the perfect writing done by Jen, John (thoJ), Sharyn, Lindsay, and the CW family.
To scrap their work would be the wreck. @#%^*$*!&$#@^#$%!!
Hahaha. That story is really funny. It reminds me of my rich husband's sense of humor. I met my rich husband at richwaterfilters.com. Why don't you check it out. You are guaranteed to meet a rich, handsome man and maybe find yourself a rich husband like mine. richwaterfilters.com.
I run a website about virtual pets in an online game, and I get a lot of these cold-calling guest post requests as well. One offered a free example, so I took her* up on it. What I got back was a mis-mash of paragraphs. Half of them were already posted on my site - because I had written them myself! The other half were about how to take care of a hamster. Not a virtual hamster - a real hamster. It was some of the funniest spam I ever got.
That said, it would have been much funnier with pics of wrecked cakes. Although I think that clown might give me nightmares ...
* She identified herself as female, but I strongly suspect she was a female computer.
@ Pamtha: "that clown is hideous!" "THAT" clown? I think MOST of them are--especially R. MacD.--ICK! EEeeewwww!!!
=^>.<^=
After still trying to figure out why an article I wrote on water gardens in Elgin IL has a New York dentist trying to contact me on Google+ to pitch a story (and still trying to figure out why I bother to be on Google +) this post hit the spot.
Sharyn, if I were to add one line to your postscript, it would be
(I have the sudden urge to refi my mortgage while doing a full body cleanse to lose 10 pounds overnight USING THIS ONE STUPID TRICK while I wait for my money to arrive from that foreign prince.)
Oh, the joys of spam. Since I am a freelance web designer/graphic designer, I LOVE all the people from India who email me and offer their web design/graphic design services. Uh, thanks, but I've got that covered.
Next are the people who spam me in a foreign language, especially a foreign alphabet, that I can't read. Highly effective.
Yes, that green cake is VERY ugly! No amount of filters in the world could purify it.
But I love the "guitar" cookie. Gotta go find my wheelbarrow, so I can carry my cookie around.
Gee this guy should write posts more often??
This is all kinda "Twilight Zone"-y. What I mean by that is, here's the big-headed stick-figure guest-poster dude, who is in possession of "good and relevent contents", who is hoping to land a gig as a (?)
..howthehellshouldIknow? Content,er, haver? Look, I've got to say that I actually feel sorry for the little creep.Can't ya see your way to giving him a job of some kind? Like, maybe "Virtual Mascot Thingy"?
Or, heck--take him home & make him a pet. He CAN'T eat much--LOOK at him! I was gonna say, "skin & bones", but he has neither.For The love of...
Well, anyway, I didn't come ALL the way OVER HERE just to have you make me ((coff coff!)) laff my ass off. (the HELL I didn't) =^~.~^=
Hahahaha and to sharyn TEEHEE
Good grief, I am crestfallen. I ACTUALLY DO SELL WATER FILTERS (among other things). And some of the refills DO look like a PENIS. Hey FLuffy Cow! Wait up!!!! Wait for me!!!!!
@Sharyn ftw!
AHHHHA!!aaaaaaa!Haaaa!Haaa--Too much!!! I just noticed the "[fade to dream sequence]" thing. (I KNOW--a little slow on the uptake, HUH?) Anyway, if THAT's what you call a DREAM...MAN, I'd hate to see what you consider a nightmare. =^e.e^=
Opportunity for happy, lucky water filter!
Wow! Where can I get those well super terrific and so good pricing water filters?
I haven't laughed so much in awhile. Thanks, John (Thoj).
SuBee "Drink Unfiltered water-it probably won't kill you." :) LOL
I didn't even know "guest blog post" freelance spam was a thing!
This is the funniest cakewrecks entry I've ever seen. And that's saying a LOT.
Mwahahaha, best laugh in a long time :)
Mwahahaha, best laugh in a long time :)
Jen, that was hilarious.*
After minutes of study, I figured out what is wrong with cake #2: there should be only one 'l' in "Eel."
A news site that wants to write their own captions. Hmm. Would those captions consist of a single sentence pasted onto the front of a paragraph of filler that is repeated for each slide?
Related: Supermodels who may have eaten cake once, Cake in history, Cake mentioned in upcoming blockbuster film starring <no one you've ever heard of, troglodyte>.
Next story: Affordable homes under $10Million
*Oops. Just read the submissions block. Sorry, John.
Ahh...john (thoJ) and his mustached alter ego. Yeah yeah yeah, I KNOW it's the hands but still, reminds me of Fu Man Chu :-)
@Midnight Writer ~ I'm so glad I learned from last time and put DOWN my water first! Well done!
@Sharyn ~ I really wish I had been able to come in here earlier to play. Work is busy busy busy! I HATE when work gets in the way of my CW time! At least I'll only have that song stuck in my head for the rest of the evening, right?