Dear Dairy
April 29, 2013 [Monday, April 29th]
Dear Diary,
Today's my first day decorating at the bakery! I'm going to keep a photo journal so I'll have a ready-made portfolio when I open my own cake shop. I'm so excited!!
8:45 am
My piping skils might need a little work:
;)
10:00 am
Spacing is HARD!
;)
10:45 am
Spacing's getting better, but I really need to figure out how to fix missteaks mistakes:
;)
The guy who picked this up kept going on about how I "double-crossed him," and laughing. Must be a Game of Thrones thing.
12:45 pm
Woohoo! I have mastered the art of chocolate drizzle!
;)
I know it's good because customers keep stopping to take pictures of my work!
1:30 pm
Another success! I had a really complicated order but I was extra careful to write it all down exactly and now the customer wants to see my manager!
;)
I'm totally getting a raise!
2:45 pm
Huh. I really thought Kalhteen's mom would be pleased, but she seemed kind of grumpy.
;)
I guess she doesn't like rainbows.
4:00 pm
Woohoo! Carol says I'm the best decorator in the whole department! She even let me try my first cupcake cake to celebrate:
;)
Who's number one? It's me!!
Thanks to Trisha B., Phillipa P., Monique R., Maggie D., Kim B., and Eric S. The road to disillusionment is so much more fun when traveled with friends.
PS: Let the Princess Bride jokes...BEGIN. ("You don't happen to have six fingers on your cupcake cake, do you?")
Reader Comments (49)
O_o the mind boggles
The yellow corner blobs and chocolate "drizzle" have me laughing enough to skip the PB references!!!
Hahahahahaha there are 6 fingers on the 49ers cake!
Nothing like just Xing out the letters. Smooth. Nothing like a good coverup. *Put's head in hands.*
My name is Inigo Montoya....
You keep doing this. I do no' think these cakes mean what you think they mean.
My father was killed by a six fingered 49ers fan.
Have you ever had feedback from bakers offering an explanation for some of these delights? Are they pushed by the "boss man" to decorate a 100 cakes a day and they can't take the time to look at what they are doing? Or they had a hard time at school and flunked spelling? Maybe no one trained them to read an order ticket? They were trained to be a steelworker but this is the only job they can find? Temporary Insanity? Anything??
#1 ... #2 ... it's all in how you look at it.
"My name is Inigo Montoya. You cheered for the 49ers. Prepare to die."
Inigo must be a Raiders fan.
"Hello. My name is Indigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
The best part of that 49ers cake isn't just that it has 6 fingers, but that the 6th finger is so large it looks like it's giving you the bird. Lovely use of a CCC too. :-P
BlogWreck? Dairy or Diary? ;)
Don't yell at me but.......is the title of the post SUPPOSED to be about milk products??? = )
They really need to make these piping bags with erasers. Clearly the double-crosser has never written in anything other than pencil.
Also, I believe the six fingers on the 49ers cake was *supposed* to be a veiled PB reference. Clearly only a murderer would support the 49ers.
Is #2 really a store bought cake? It looks like it's a homemade 9x13 with buttercream.
If a real cake decorator made that and got money for it, I'm obviously in the wrong field.
Ok, I'm still looking for the Dairy cake!
Do you always begin cake pick-ups this way?
Drizzle of unusual size? I don't believe it exists.
Yes, the "Dairy" was deliberate. It just seemed like something she would do. :)
She'll be good, as long as she's opening up her bakery in the Pit of Despair...
I thought the chocolate poop drizzle and the x-out errors were bad. Maybe I should just start crossing out my errors in pink highlights. I bet my clients would love it!
Then I got to the 49ers cake. Epic fail on so many levels: Six fingers. Index finger in totally the wrong place. And the cake is flippiing someone off. Inigo Montoya would say "Prepare to die!" to whoever made this mess. Not even Miracle Max could save it!
Whoever madd the Go Big Red cake is definitely NOT a Nebraska Cornhusker fan! Or any kind of fan of any team anywhere. I'm surprised the store wasn't mobbed for this.
Dear GOD... What ARE THOSE THINGS!?!??!!
#1: Well, if Big Red wasn't inclined to leave before, that iced brownie will surely get the message across. In more ways than one.
#2: Please tell me those yellow blobs are not supposed to be flowers. They must be some kind of hieroglyphs, right?
#3: At least the cross-out color goes with the rest of the cake... : - /
#4: This one looks suspiciously like a cross-out extreme. There is something going on under all that chocolate. Imagine what must have been on this cake for a WRECKERATOR to want to censor it. *shudder*
#5: The thing that disturbs me most about this cake is the lone end quotation marks. Where does the quotation begin? WHERE!?!
#6: SO close.
#7: So, been a little slow at the CW Team headquarters, huh? Trying for a record Princess Bride Epcot? Well, you may have a double Epcot on hand, as some people do not believe you know the diference between Diary and Dairy. I am not that naive, *I* know that you are not left-handed (there's my PB reference for ya). ; )
I think those yellow blobs on the corners of the "spacing" cake are supposed to be treble clefs. O.o
This is probably the saddest group of cakes I've ever seen (and I've been following this site for a long time!). These bakery departments must be desperate for employees these days and just hiring anybody with a heartbeat.
I'm confused. When I saw a post named "Dear Dairy" I was expecting to see cakes with messed-up milk, cheeses and yoghurts. What's dairy about these cakes?
the first one was just sad.
The spacing cake was just so bad on so many levels. I was stunned. Then the six-fingered 49ers fan showed up at the end. I can't stop laughing and I can't stop looking at it, because I'm trying to figure out if that is the first or second finger that he is holding up. I can't quite tell. LOL
I love the 49er's cake. It has 5 fingers and a thumb! Plus it looks like a bad version of flipping the bird.
Was the "Dear Dairy" on purpose??????? Or was it a typographical error (sounds much more sophisticated than typo)?????? It seems like something you might put on here, but I didn't see any diary cake and the beginning of the baker girl's diary entry didn't begin with "Dear Dairy"...
To everyone asking about the dairy cakes...
dairy and diary are spelled near identically, so a classic spelling mistake. The person making the cakes cannot spell to save their life, thus, dear dairy instead of dear diary. And I *think* Jen can come up with something better than dear diary for diary cakes anyways.
It took me a disconcerting amount of time to figure out what was wrong with Kalhteen's cake.
My name is Indigo Montoya. You flipped me off with your cake, so prepare for serious food poisoning!
Oh my gosh! The 6
penisfingered ccc is AWESOME!!!Usually I come here to find something that will cheer me up. It usually works but today the thought that bakeries are so desperate for employees that they hire anybody, anybody at all...
I applied for another job as decorator and didn't get the position. I went by the shop today to ask had they made their decision yet; they had. Not only that, but the front counter was full of cakes with typos and wreck type mistakes.
D_:
...
I may quit following this blog. It's just getting too depressing to read any more.
#2 Smith's innovation of using a caulking gun for piping didn't go over well. This of course was due to resistance to new ideas and jealousy.
#3 Smith: "I'm going to wind up on Cake Wrecks eventually, so I might as well do it royally."
#4 Smith next tried to apply automation to drizzling. The result was a small amount of labor saved, and a monumental increase in chocolate used. Management was not impressed.
#5 "Go Pack" was probably an instruction to the wreckerator.
#6 At least Roy G. Biv was appeased. Sort of. More like Roy G. Bi.
#7 O: "How many fingers do you see, Winston? Six? Very good. Now, if the before-work party causes you to see five instead of six, how many are there? Don't lie -- if you lie, Theardare will turn up the 'music' again."
W: "Five, six, I honestly don't know!"
O: "You're a wreckerator, alright. Very well, you may go."
I never thought about it before, but if the Six-Fingered Man were to flip you off, which finger would he use?
LOL. I didn't notice there were 6 fingers, but that explains why it looks like a middle finger.
Wheeeee! I'll be watching the rest of tonight's festivities from the bunker.
We'll be viewing Princess Bride on a continuous loop. I'll bring the coffee and non-dairy creamer.
Ugh. There's a line to the bunker already. Make way, I've got to set up the movie! Fezzik, please.
Fezzik: "E'rybody mooove!"
Thank you.
These are pretty awful. But say what you will, Willie the Wreckerator's piping skills did continue to improve up to Kalhteen's cake, which was pretty well done if you don't count the mangling of her name. However, our hero Willie, secretly a Baltimore fan, was laughing so hard at his cleverly disguised flipping of the bird that he wobbled on the piping a bit.
Well that last one has me laughing hysterically. Considering I don't watch football and my dad does he would either agree since he likes the Rams or just mumble at the CCC. Either way I can't stop giggling and my hubby thinks I am nuts..little does he know hehe.
All I can think is: Six finger! Six finger!
I think the yellow blobs are supposed to be treble clefs. The cake may celebrate a recital.
Anne, I can understand why you feel bad that bakeries will employ people like this and they won't give you a job. However, you are way too good to work as a cake decorator. Look at your post - every word correctly spelled, plus correct use of a semicolon and an ellipsis. I bet your application form was perfect, whereas what they were looking for was someone who misunderstood the questions, failed to fit the answers in the boxes, and had totally illegible handwriting. I hope you find a much better job really soon.
I just love that the first cake is a whopping $2 (maybe the pricing person recognized the need to discount that mess??), and that with the store card, you get to save a WHOLE PENNY! My, how generous!
The second cake looks like they doubled the weight of the cake with the amount of thick piping done on that one.
At least they color-coordinated the X's and did recognize their spelling errors on that 3rd one. Got to be points for that, right?
Looks like they sneezed or had a small seizure while pouring the chocolate ganache on that 4th one. Or makes you wonder what they're trying to cover up...
Do you always begin conversations this way?
What's wrong with 6???
"Is that a CCC ahead?"
"If it is, we'll all be dead!"
@Audrey -- Nothing, really. Signed, Kalhteen