STAND BACK! I'm About To Make Some Cutting Remarks
March 7, 2013 I'm sure many of you heard the news yesterday about a Dad finding a paring knife in his young son's birthday cake from Wal-Mart.
;)
I know, right?!
Fortunately no one was hurt or anything; the family just found the small knife sandwiched between the cake and cakeboard after cutting in a few slices.
Still, this story caught my attention for a few reasons:
1) It involves cake
2) It happened in John's home town of Lewiston, Maine, AKA the place no one has ever heard of 'til now, and I bet the Lewistonians are SO happy that THIS is what's finally put them on the map.
3) Back in 2010 I featured Amy L's cake which had a pair of scissors embedded in it, and THAT never captured national attention:
;)
Maybe it's because Amy didn't think to take a picture before pulling the scissors out of the cake. Or maybe it's because she didn't think to call in the local news crews and start giving interviews on how traumatizing the discovery was.
“People started leaving and the family was pretty upset,” the father, Nathan Bibeau, said. “We’re not ever going to get that second birthday back ever, you know?” (That is an actual quote. I am not making this up.)
;)
Then the father bit his lip and stared despairingly off into the distance while a single tear tracked its way down his excessively traumatized cheek. (Ok, maybe I made that part up.) (OR DID I?)
Anyway, as is the American way, Mr. Bibeau graciously accepted both Wal-Mart's apology and refund and said he was just glad that no one was hurt hired a lawyer.
But that's not the funny part. The FUNNY part is how Wal-Mart has decided to prevent this kind of thing from happening in the future:
They've banned the use of that particular paring knife in all of their bakeries.
;)
Yes, really.
Gosh, next they'll be banning customers from taking pictures of their cakes in order to avoid ending up here on Cake Wrecks! Hah!
Anyway, on the very real chance that Mr. Bibeau ends up a millionaire because of this, well first, KILL ME NOW, but second, I'll soon be representing Kaitlin A. in her legal case, because, look! TRAUMATIC SCISSORS!!
;)
These were sealed inside the box with the birthday girl's cake, and though she hasn't admitted it yet, I think the shock and trauma have ensured that Kaitlin will never work again. Someone has to pay for that, you guys. And someone has to pay my reasonable 15% representation fee.
I'm also in talks with Stephanie J., because...TRAUMATIC SPOON!!
;)
And Xela G. will never get that work anniversary back after finding this life-threateningly stabby TRAUMATIC FORK!!
;)
Never EVER.
And finally, I'd ask you all to respect Laura C. in her time of healing, because... TRAUMATIC BIEBER!!
;)
I'm negotiating the exclusive interview on this myself, TV peeps. And I like whoopie pies. Just sayin'.
Thanks to Caitlin C., Rachel S., & Jessica B. for today's traumas, and to Sam's Pizza in Lewiston, Maine, for being the first place to introduce me to whoopie pies. AWWW YEEEAH. (And your pizza's pretty rockin', too.)
Reader Comments (114)
You know, this will never work. Keeping knives out of the hands of law abiding bakers will only ensure that they (the knives) end up in the hands of other WalMart employees. Like the cart guys. Or the meat department. Then what will become of us all?
Besides, it would be far easier to ban the cake itself. Too much sugar. Not enough dairy.
The last one is a double scare! Bieber and a clown...
OMG i will never get that time back-my visual brain will be suing you for 20 billion dollars :P
Traumatic Bieber is TOO traumatic. Do you know how many hours of therapy
I'llkids would need to fix that trauma. It's second only to having a mother.Traumatic Bieber and scissors, no rocks or paper necessary.
First, I have heard of Lewiston Maine before this traumatic event!
Second, the Traumatic Bieber has totally derailed my focus for the day.
Third, is it sad that upon hearing of the traumatic knife in the Elmo cake in Lewiston Maine, I immediately asked myself "wonder what CakeWrecks will have to say about this?"
Sung to Bohemian Rhapsody
Is this a real knife?
My new reality?
Just take it in stride?
Did I just win the lottery?
Open your eyes.
It’s scissors surprise for me.
And now that poor boy, needs birthday sympathy
Because guests did come, guests did go
Second Birthday low blow
Let’s see how the spin goes
Maybe call a lawyer. Or three. Or three!
Trauma! I’ve got a plan.
Hold the knife up and be sad
And now all the knives are banned
Trauma, strife has just begun
There’s a scissors in the box! That’s not OK.
Trauma! Oooooo
Spoons and forks will make me cry
Start therapy for Bieber cake tomorrow
Carry on, carry on. Because this stuff really matters.
Aw, I'm traumatized because I never get a free gift in any of my cakes!
Bieber doesn't need the addition of a gingerbread torso to be traumatic, little weasel turned up two hours late for a concert in the UK this week and made all the little girls cry.
My second birthday?
Anti-Puberty Machine
got it back for me.
I'll take paring knives
and scissors, hidden or not
before {ack! ptui!} Bieber!
And to think, everyone used to worry about kids running with scissors...this is far, far worse, for sure... <SNORT>
Good one, mindy1...:-) Think I could sue everyone for NOT providing allergen-free food everywhere my family goes?! Now there's some trauma...at least, according to The Daughter, who's terribly self-conscious about her food allergies even though I'm not... :-/ (I go for *reasonable* accommodations, not the "I-am-queen-you-will-do-as-I-say-everywhere-I-go" type. Gotta learn to go with the flow, ya know?)
I cannot tell you how much I agree with you. I just want to punch that guy in the face. I hope they throw that case right out.
The sad thing is - there are lawyers who specialize in suing Wal-Mart - anything for a buck I say!
And thanks Sharyn for the Bohemian Rhapsody - very well done!!!
The fork is there so you can eat the delicious watermelon CCC.
The spoon is there so your baby can safely slurp the juicy, yet delicious, watermelon CCC.
The scissor is there in case you need a haircut.
The Bieberhead is there.
What say we all show up at the trial and sing Sharyn's take on the Rhapsody?
Great post to start my day!
@Sharyn - *sways back and forth with cell phone over her head, set on "flashlight"*
(Hey! I don't have a lighter, 'K? Plus, much safer.)
People are missing why the last cake is a double travesty. Bieber face, and then they put him in a United Colors of Benetton jumpsuit. (or perhaps it's Body Glove...no visible label to make sure)
Disturbing, Existential Justin Bieber Clown(ish) "Cake" Cookie Thing... F T W!!!!!
Fifteen percent is actually a very reasonable fee for a lawyer. You could double it and still be considered pretty cheap. D;
I gotta say, Bieber cakes could be very therapeutical. You can smash his body parts with a spoon, slice and dice him, stab him with a fork, eat his head off. And instead of going to jail you get a sugar rush. It's win-win I say.
My guess is there's a "Hapy 2th Brithday!" Pooh Bear cake being eaten by some very disappointed prisoners nearby.
When I heard that WalMart was banning those paring knives, I sincerely thought that was a joke!
is it just me or do the scissors stuck to the side of the cake look like hair-cutting scissors?
Just read the news story, as I missed that out here in the wilds of Idaho.
*ahem*
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to punch that guy in the face...hard. Just sayin'
*regaining my composure*
What a maroon.
Another man with tiny little balls made of dryer lint.
What saddens me is 'traumatised by a paring knife' guy will probably win his case. And all Wal-Mart employees will have to go back to paring fruit and vegetables with their fingernails.
Or possibly their teeth.
Ew.
Hey Jen, you could get some good lawyer-ish advice from Mr. Potato, Head Council. I'm sure he would be willing to help for just a small fee. :-)
I used to be a manager at our local Walmart (hey, don't judge! I said used to be!) and although we didn't have a bakery department, I can see how banning that particular type of knife would solve the problem. NOT!
LOL.
Sharyn. that rocked.
And in other news. Last week I found a penny IN my yogurt cup. I found it in the last bite of yogurt only when it was in my mouth.
I must not be American, because I didn't call a lawyer, and was happy with the company's apology and a 10 dollar gift certificate :)
Sharyn, i heard the great Mercury singing your song in my head. It was beautiful!
It actually happened once at my job (a family restaurant) where all our cakes are baked and create on place.I think it happens most of the time when you have a huge batch of cakes and of platters, with stuff all over the counter, then you just go: put cake on platter, put cake on platter,oups there was a knife on that platter...
Happilly i had seen the knife before icing the cake!
Lesson to learn for walmart: dont banish the knifes..TRAIN YOUR EMPLOYEES TO CLEAN THEIR WORK SPACE!
Fun fact: i once found a cutter knife in a toy box my son had received. I will let you guess from where it was bought, and no, i didn't sue.
All my friends in Maine called Lewiston, 'Sewerston'. lol
Glad I came back to hear/sing Sharyn's parody - WAAAHOOO!!!! :-) Hubby's favorite & mine too. He claims that him & his friends would drive around, windows down, singing with the radio at the top of their lungs...they lived in Odessa, Tx. Not much to do out there back in the 70s, ya know? ;-)
Excellent haikus, Haiku Joy & Laura!
and I *hated* the Bieber cooky until I read David in Brazil's comment. Now I look forward to hunting for Bieber cookies in my local grocery store...:-)
And yes, where is Mr. Potato, Head Counsel? He should be *all* over this! Right, mel?
(Thanks for reminding us, Jodee in WA! I promise not to hold your previous job against you. Heck, that's probably why there's so many wrecks *now* - you're no longer there! Those employees have been lost and rudderless ever since - their work meaningless, their paychecks ever smaller, their lives are...Ok, they haven't gone under yet, so I guess they're ok...but the WRECKS! Oh, the HUMANITY!)
Love today's post. :-) Hate today's lawyers. :-(
shirley elizabeth, they should sue Mr. Bibeau. They'll never have that paring knife back now that Wal-mart has banned them. Suing him would show that they don't hold a grudge.
When the moon hits your eye like a big whoopie pie, that's amore?
In a world where a child can be suspended for making his fingers -- or a Pop Tart -- into a vague gun shape and pretending to shoot with it, you can't be sure any news is a joke...
"Fortunately no one was hurt or anything; the family just found the small knife sandwiched between the cake and cakeboard after cutting in a few slices."
And what were they cutting the cake with? Dental floss? Serving spatula? Or were they just slicing off sections with their bare hands? Clearly they weren't using anything that would traumatize poor Junior on his special day. Junior was probably more traumatized by Daddy's hissy fit than the knife.
@Sharyn-- LOOOOOOVE!!!!!
Also waiting for mel....
I'm not sure what's more hilariously awful here, the dad's reaction or Wal-mart's (baning the knife? really? If it had been a hairnet, would you ban them too?)
Thanks KarateLady :-) I like to think that they are all lost without me there too.
Interestingly enough, I now work for a lawyer. Not one that sues places like Walmart but a lawyer nontheless.
Sharyn! Best Rhapsody. Ever!!!! Love it!
What I hated the most about the news story (as someone who does NOT shop at WalMart on principle[s]) is that the man is SUING WalMart, but NOT HOLDING A GRUDGE!!! "I'll still shop there." Are you KIDDING me? Apparently, the lessons learned from this incident include (1) if something untoward appears in your packaging, ban the something; (2) if something untoward appears in your packaging, hire a lawyer, and (3) if something untoward appears in your packaging, that's a great place to shop for bargains! But they do not include (4) I'm willing to pay a little extra for dog food because that particular store has sloppy practices.
FAIL.
Am I the only one that notices that in the picture with the knife several things don't add up....the knife has been swiped clean....there is no cake residue under the knife that would indicate a piece came off of the top of it like there is next to it...it's clean board ...it appears to me that icing is on the knife which indicates it cut through the cake at some point...there wouldn't be icing in that amount in that part of the cake.....so yeah...I say they used it to cut the cake then shoved it in there....
Thumbs up to Shirley Elizabeth :
My guess is there's a "Hapy 2th Brithday!" Pooh Bear cake being eaten by some very disappointed prisoners nearby.
What on Earth is that first cake supposed to be?
And why are there so many cakes that make Cookie Monster look sad?
Personally, after the cakes with sharp implements, I was most traumatized by the first watermelon CCC. It looks way too much like a diseased uterus and fallopian tubes.
However, the ability to laught hysterically at Bieber cookie (?) assisted in my recovery.
Sharyn and Haiku joy bahahaha XD
I will make no comments about Mr. Bibeau's decision. However, i will make this one about Wal-Mart's:
...seriously, Wal? Any wonder why it got such a bad name?
Well, at least, no one got hurt. But I can think of some people who would strongly disagree with the knife ban: all the convicts in prisons, of course. What if they start ordering cakes from Wal-Mart?
@David from Brazil, from a fellow - Hehehe, I agree. But I think I'd write a little thing on it before doing everything you said. Not telling what I'd write, only saying it would probably be in brown or red icing.
@Sharyn - pure, unadulterated brilliance!
@SaraV, better Benetton or Body Glove than butt-hangin-out-of-his-pants! (I despise that particular fashion!)
And as funny as the wrecks are, the comments are the proverbial icing on the wreck today : )
I was born in Lewiston and lived there until I was 10!
There is no walmart in Lewiston Silly! <3 But Auburn is Just Across the Bridge so I will let it Slide! <3
Another person who has heard of Lewiston :) I grew up in Maine - Gouldsboro and Ellsworth, so a bit further north, but visited family in the Lewiston area every summer.
Rasta Bieber Clown has traumatized me.
You'll be hearing from my lawyers.
Yeah, that Bieber cake would scare the hell outta me, too!