Colorful Metaphors
March 22, 2013 Hello, and welcome to your virtual color therapy session! As you know, it's national color therapy month, so the results we get here today will be invaluable to researchers everywhere who need a good laugh.
Remember, this IS for posterity, so please, be honest.
How do these colors make you feel?
;)
[scribbling on clipboard] Mmmhmmm, I see. And these?
;)
I'm sorry, it's hard to transcribe those sounds exactly. Could you be more specific? And with less profanity? Thank you.
These next ones should inspire feelings of peace and tranquility. Take a look:
;)
On a scale of one to ten, how much less violent do you feel towards me now?
Excellent.
;)
Why, or why not?
And would you say that this next example makes you more or less likely to donate a vital organ to a total stranger?
;)
Fascinating.
Now, I want you to stare at this next one while imagining your least favorite food:
;)
Are you thinking of the food you hate most? Good. Now ... are you going to eat all of those chips? Because I forgot my wallet at home, and ... you know what, we can talk about this later.
And finally, lets try a little behavioral role play. I'm your executioner, and I have two types of rope to make a noose. Which of these options makes you feel happier?
Innnteresting.
Well, that's everything, so thank you for providing some truly startling results, test subject!
As a reward for successfully completing your therapy session, you get a cake with a beautiful, cheery rainbow. Enjoy.
;)
Just kidding. The cake is, of course, a lie.
(And they said a color-blind baker could never do this job. HA.)
Thanks to Jaemi S., Sam L., Samantha, Katie M., Amanda B., Nicole, John L., & Katherine M. Now, go get some rest. After all, if you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.
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Reader Comments (84)
These cakes are giving me immediate postprandial, upper-abdominal distention.
"How do these colors make you feel?" Um, I feel sorry that I ate breakfast, because I may be seeing it again very soon!
The ropes look more like colons, and not the punctuation kind.
I feel empowered to start that diet finally. Thanks!!
Wait... they make extra long Q-tips?
I can't decide if the top border on cake #4 looks like tri-color rotini pasta, or rotting thin-cut lunch meat (since it's green and pink).
Since the edging around the bottom of the cake are vivid red white and blue, it's all just disgusting.
The second-to-last CCC (right side) looks like a model of the colon for a third-grade science project. Yum!
Now I want to go re-watch The Princess Bride.
Does cake number one say: Divine E Coli?
Oh well, as long as it's divine...
Anybody else misread the first line as "colon therapy session"? I thought we were going to get a bunch of poo cakes today, darnit. BUT, these are even better.
Some of the most hilarious CakeWrecks commentary of all time:
"I'm sorry, it's hard to transcribe those sounds exactly. Could you be more specific? And with less profanity?"
and
"Does this next example generate the same kind of elation you normally experience while cleaning your ears with an extra long Q-tip?"
Excellent start to my day. Thank you!
KW
Jen, thank you for a Princess Bride cake post. It's such a lovely way to start a Friday.
Those 3rd grade art classes really paid off, didn't they?
Aaaaaah! The fungus cake decoration from yesterday's post has MULTIPLIED on cake #4!!!!
I've been misled--I've been celebrating March as National Depression Caused by Ugly Cake Icing Colors Month, but then black icing roses tend to do that to me.
The rest of those colors just make me suicidal--oh, wait. Maybe the suicidal thoughts are caused be yet more snowflakes falling from the leaden sky. Think cake.
I've been lurking here for a while now and have to say the cakes are always interesting, but your writing is amazing. I cannot imagine how you come up with these ideas. Every day is a different theme and your writing is always hilarious and like today, tone perfect. I could actually picture scientists nodding their heads and acting serious and then asking for your chips. You should have a talk show! Who needs the cakes?
The ear wax cake made me throw up a lil' in my mouth. Apparently I need more coffee.
I like the idea of the purple one but the execution is just...wrong o.O
Hey @Sharyn, did I miss something? You're not doing songs anymore???
Due to the misfortunate placement of the cake and/or photographer, the ghastly purple sixth cake looks like it has been piereced by the spear that shows up in the photos in "The Omen." It SHOULD die a demonic death.
As for the rest: I have spent the last week trying to recover from an intestinal bug, which was finally halted by a delicious trip to Stella's, a local dive that's infamous for its greasy burgers. I may need another trip after this, once I recover from the nausea.
Wow. Just the other day, I was wondering if poeple in this hectic modern age even had time to go out and see a rainbow. If anybody took the time to look up from their various screens and truly appreciate the beauty of nature.
Well, looks like I got my answer. The answer was no.
Take care of yourself, Jen.
Remember, if you haven't got cake... you haven't got anything.
NOT TO 50!!!!!!!!!
Portal reference! Portal reference!
I have to admit that the only reason I know this is because my daughter plays Portal.
Oh, Jen! Star Trek, Princess Bride, and Portal, hilarity, and snark, all in one post. This is why I love you so.
These cakes make me feel like I've been mostly dead all day. But my favorite is that the baker didn't bother to take the leaf tip off of the icing bag when he/she made the green arc in that "rainbow".
The colors man the colors... O_o
I went to India once, and there was this guy in a park in New Delhi who walked along trying to gull tourists into buying an ear cleaning treatment from him. This "treatment" was conducted using an L-shaped wire. I didn't take him up on it, in spite of the fact that he had a book of testimonials where people gushed about how orgasmic the experience was . . .
o_O
I'm afraid my reaction to these color combinations is tinged by my recovery from a stomach virus, but I suspect my reaction would have been queasiness regardless.
Roy G Biv (or Bip), why have you not introduced yourself to cake decorators? Oh, because we wouldn't have poopbows to make fun of, good point.
The really scary thing is that a couple of those look like they're supposed to be wedding cakes.
As Roy Orbison might say…
I was alright for a while, I could smile for a while
But then I saw these tonight and my chest felt real tight
And my mind stopped to say “Hello?”
I wasn’t feeling too well, as I could tell
They’d messed with crayons, crayons of every hue…
It just looks oh so wrong as I was standing alone
Alone and crying, crying, crying….
It’s hard to understand, but what you’ve done in these pans
Can start me crying…
@Jodee in WA: Hubby's out of town and offspring's morning routine was completely discombobulated this week -- he had to be at school early all week (posts go up here at 7 AM) -- so I didn't have my usual 30-35 minutes in the mornings to read the posts and come up with songs. I HAVE had time to read the blog every morning, at least, or I'd fear for my sanity -- it's better than Prozac.
at first I thought the "noose" cakes were colons...but then I realized they're too short...they're semicolons...
The fourth one is another perfectly good Tree Ear Fungus cake. It's quite realistic, in fact.
I see your poo colors
Shinning through,
I see your poo colors
And that's why I love you...
(sorry, Cyndi...)
Haha! I'll be reading The Princess Bride sometime in the next few days cause of the class I'm teaching. Gotta love it.
Rainbow Objection
Why are there so many damn awful rainbows
On cakes on this Cake Wrecks site?
Cakes should have colors that we’ve seen in nature,
Not mash ups that cause us such fright.
Mixing up purple and yellow and turquoise,
Just leads to the poop brown you see.
Someday we’ll learn how to deal with those colors.
The bakers, the wreckers and me.
Add me to the colon group.
Wait, that doesn't sound the way I intended . . .
Plaid and paisley, chartreuse and puce
Polka-dot, livid, maroon
I can see a rainbow
See a rainbow
... What?
1. Suicidal
2. Homicidal
3 One (if that is the most violent end of the scale)
4 Yes. Because America.
5 More or less
6 The food I hate the most is that cake, and sushi
7 I'm gonna say the first one, because it looks like it would fall apart the minute you started trying to put it around my neck.
8 What?
"The cake is a lie"! Love it, ha ha!
I agree: Colon CCCs (ptooie!). I guess to celebrate a clean colonoscopy?
Sadly, I'm designing a website for someone who keeps choosing colors that together look like cake #4. Maybe I should send this to her to explain why this combination is not advisable?
I totally did not get any references in there to anything until the end. From the very beginning, the "voice" of the therapist was GLaDOS. The Portal reference at the very end heightened this impression and, if you will forgive me, was the icing on the cake. ;-)
AHHHH! Feeling queazy... Perfect Portal reference. I just knew you would sneak that one in someday, it's too perfect!
The Cake is a Lie!!!
Can I use those extra long Q-tips on my eyes please
"Rainbow Objection!" LOL, Subee, that was a masterpiece, and it's a good thing I wasn't drinking anything when I read that! Masterful post, people.
0_o *whimpers* My eyes! What has been seen cannot be unseen! My retinas are in agony!
I think I need a miracle pill (preferably chocolate coated)...
WTH is up with those 2 rope/colon cakes?! They BOTH have a single eye at one end (at least that's what I'm hoping it is, not an aperture at the "wrong end"); BOTH look like ... um, worms? snakes? BOTH have tan background icing, with squiggles or glooped patooies of orange & purple. What culture celebrates what holiday with tan, orange & purple worms? I'm obvsly missing something here.
Reminds me of the birthday cake my childhood friend's mother made for his party. He loved Navy stuff, so she made a battleship, all gray and black. None of us would eat it. You're not supposed to eat gray food.
Ha Ha! Before I scrolled all the way down to the last cake I was planning a "The cake is a lie" comment. You beat me to it!
Brown rainbow cake looks like it has a li'l belly button.
I'd like to point out that while the colors on Cake #3 may look truly horrible to NORMAL people, they look perfectly NORMAL to people who live in New Orleans. Well, not all the time... but from January 6 to Ash Wednesday, that color combination is perfectly acceptable for home decor, food, and even clothing. They are the traditional colors associated with Mardi Gras.