Valentines Strategery
February 8, 2013 Valentines Day is next week, so it's a good idea to start strategizing now. I mean strategerizing. I mean stratavarigizing. I mean WHATEVER SPELLCHECK YOUR NOT THE BOSS OF ME.
[What you're not seeing - other than me yelling at my screen like a madwoman - is that spellcheck is telling me "strategizing" is spelled wrong but "your" is right. IRONIC, idn't it?)
Ahem.
I'm going to assume you haven't already proceeded with Operation Dump Week, so let's move on to plan C: Choosing the right gift.
First of all, remember that you can never go wrong with roses.
;)
Unless they're these roses.
;)
Or these ones.
;)
Or...SWEET MERCY, has Sleeping Beauty been on another rampage?!
Ok, maybe instead you should go with a single, long-stemmed...
;)
....tape worm.
You know what, forget the roses. Teddy bears are where it's at:
;)
Or, sure, decaying gophers could work too, I guess.
Here's a good option if your guy/gal is nicknamed "Poo Bear:"
;)
A yellow-bellied Poo Bear? Nice one, bakers.
You could also just stick to the Valentine basics: you know, hearts, cupid arrows, that sort of thing.
;)
That's it.
Sing it with me, Kathleen S., Lindsay R., Maria V., Suzanne, David G., Amanda S., & Caroline M.:
Shot through the heart!
And you're to blame!
You give loooove
A BAD NAME.
*************
Technical Note: Have you been by the Cake Wrecks Facebook page lately? I post daily updates and photos over there, but you won't see them in your feed - even if you follow us - unless you visit the page every now and then. So please, click on over!
Reader Comments (77)
Here Comes Honey Bear Poo-Poo! Or maybe a poo-poo honey bear...
The third, all red one, looks like.... no, I'm NOT going to say. Ew.
It would have been nice to see of the other side of the first cake with the green roses. The pewter ones would have been lovely to see.
No, you can never go wrong with roses. Unless they look like mutant radioactive cowboy hats. Or horirible heaps of congealed blood. Yikes!
Ack. I think y'all gave me your cybervirus. I felt it coming on this morning, worked half day, hit the store on the way home and passed out on the couch at about 2pm. My head feels like a watermelon just after Gallagher hit it with the hammer but BEFORE it exploded. I'll have to borrow Captain Jack's compass to find this island I've been hearing about. Or does one get shipped there by those who wish to maintain their health?
@Barbara Anne: that's cute!
Glad y'all liked my link (thanks Barbara Anne!-Hey, your initials are B.A. Do you have an aversion to flying, perchance? Do you pity da fools or wear lots of gold jewelry? Have I asked you that before? Okay, stepping away from the keyboard.....)
Oh, Baker, sir, I would like you to combine the steel-colored icing of #1 with the glistening gore of #3. It's for Katsucon, you see.
Ok, Jen, let's have a lesson on strategy! From Greek, strategĂa; from Latin, strategia; from French, stratĂ©gie... erm, well, anyway, don't rely on spell checkers; they do not analyze all the context in which a word is used. For instance, the word "your" won't be registered as wrong because it is actually a word, no matter where it is used.
About the cakes, here come my cents:
First one: not actually that bad, in my opinion, it's just the color choice that is weird. But, hey, aren't aliens entitled to celebrate time of love as earthlings do? And what else says "alien love" like sickly green and metal roses?
Second one: hmmm, pork rinds... NOT on a cake, thanks!
Third one: why won't she stop? Where's the freaking blue dress? (Well, where is the spinning wheel?)
Fifth one: ...they didn't even try on that one;
Sixth one: ahem... hi, Winnie the POO!!! (Sorry! That was BEGGING for it.)
Last one: an arrow in a heart... the type of cake Dr. House would give to Cuddy if she stayed in the series longer. Well done, it is. That said... yikes!
Well, everybody's still on a role (translation: I'm too lazy to copy & paste everyone's names) ...y'all know who ya are...
@Wreckophile#1 - you win points for originality & a good laugh! <giggle-snort>
@Andrea - I see whatcha did there. :-) and The Daughter is gonna love that shirt! hmm...wonder what she'd do for it? Housework for a week? Two, maybe?
@Haiku Mal...er...Joy...Excellent report! Keep up the good work. Give your students an impossibly long final exam, lest their parents think the tuition is a waste of money. (Worked for me. :-) FYI - "Journey To Babel" was written by D.C. Fontana - most of her eps are fan favs. Have you seen "Menagerie" or "City on the Edge of Forever"? Those are *tops*. Another good one has the Horta. The *worst* ep is Spock's Brain - they were running out of money & time when that ep rolled around...:-(
As for that 1st cake, I wonder if the wreckerator is color blind. But then a friend of mine is totally colorblind & even he could tell which M&Ms were which, even if they were just "varying shades of grey" to him. (Hey, That must be where they got the title for that book everyone's raving about! The sex fiend is colorblind! :-)
And those chocolate roses - eeewww! I love chocolate, but dead poo roses are Dis. Gust. Ing!!!
Next, that red thing - WTFrosting?! Sweet Mercy, indeed.
Oh, and to the naysayers on the last cake, I have just *one* word... THEARDARE
That is all.
P.S.@Barbara Anne: Jeff Dunham reference wins the interwebs. : )
Oh my gosh at that all red/bloody looking one. Who on earth would want to eat that? Though just having a red stained mouth and teeth might motivate me to do that on Halloween lol. I agree. We need Sam and Dean to investigate some of these wreckerators asap.
@StevenHB ventures dangerously close to the 'Room 101 event horizon', but escapes the pull of Theardrare.
First person to adopt a cat and name it Theardare wins.
I actually like that last one; it appeals to my hideously warped sense of humour (yes, I spelt that right, I'm ENGLISH, OK??? Ahem, sorry)
Be afraid, dearest husband, be very afraid.....
The rose ones are truly awful, but I must say I'd get a total charge out of the realistic heart with the arrow through it. It's kind of weird for most people, but it is well executed and could be appreciated by various types of medical people. (In agreement with some others above...) And as always, Sharyn hits it right on with the funny parody!
Extra points if the adopted cat is an orange tabby. Why do they call it 'orange', anyway? Never mind.
The questions I have about #3: Is there cake under there? Why is it shiny? Finally, just plain "why."
Just read my last post while scrolling up to see if anything else needed attention. 'Theardrare'? Oy. I don't have the evil bug, but I was tired and my computer was being very slow. Yeah, that's it.
That last one is a wreck, because while the execution is dead on, it's just wrong.
Craig's extra points go to the tabby, but mine will go to the black cat. (Black cats are the most difficult to adopt out: bad combination of being difficult to photograph, general cultural aversion, and mean people wanting them for spite.)
I'm pretty sure I like to misspell Thearadarared's name sometimes, just to to be pokey. Also to make him sounds like a character from an Icelandic saga.
@Andrea :) I only got B.A. jokes during the original run of that show! Not in years so thanks for the memories. I do sometimes pity da fools but mostly just have a Bad Attitude.
To whomever adopts a cat and names it Theardare: unless you get it an itsy bitsy assault rifle to carry around you're not getting MY points. humph Authenticity, peeps! (feel free to remove necessary parts for it to function- we're not trying for another Apocalypse Cat, y'know- just the look)
@Fiona I was raised watching BBC shows on PBS here in the States and also reading lots of British novels. I had teachers grade me off for British spellings until they understood that about me; they would just slip in at times.
@Craig: Those kind of cats used to be called 'orange marmalade tabbies', but we got lazy as time went on and started leaving out the 'marmalade' part. If you've ever had orange marmalade (yum!), you can see the resemblance between their coat and it. Though I don't recommend putting them on toast.
Just another bit of trivia I know.
That first one was clearly made by (or for) someone with no taste for color or cake; that "cake" has to be 90% frosting, and for the love of Gaia, WHY green and gray roses! The decorator's piping is actually quite nice, but, man, green roses really bug the heck out of me.
Rose Colors and Meanings:
red - love & romance
yellow - friendship & happiness
white - purity, innocence & new beginnings
pink - grace & elegance
peach - appreciation
green - slap the crap outta whoever sent them
I actually really like the last one. If my bf got me that I would be thrilled :D it's well done and creepy-cute. It should be a Sweet, IMHO.
If you lean in reeeeeeally close to Cake #5, you can hear a soft whisper saying, "Please...killl...me..."
Lovin' the last cake. I think it's a work of art...ery.
I'm with the folks who like the last cake. I WANT THAT SUCKER! And I'm pretty sure my girlfriend would, too. BTW, I've had open-heart surgery in the last six months, so you might think I'd be a little squeamish about things like that. But no.
About a couple of those other cakes, I would like to propose some terminology here. Any creator of a fecal-looking cake shall be known as a "Dreckorator" from here on out.
the gopher cake eyes are saying guess they were busy and forgot about me or put me out of my misery. the last cake just screams what happens when one tries to break up with the valitine gone bad. or the pycho date cant accepting no.
Am I the only one who saw the red one and immediately thought, "Good God! What would your poop look like after eating that?!"
I mean, really.
Celidah, I love you.
OK, now that last one JUST PLAIN SCARED ME! IT WAS WORSE THAN BLOOMIN' SLENDERMAN!!! AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!
I like the first one.
Does anybody else see the displeased hermit crab/turtle/squid lying on it's side in the last cake as well? Or is that just me?.. Oh, it's just me... well... ok then.