Bikram Beauties
February 5, 2013 Pssssst. You guys. I don't want to scare anyone, but I think Jen may be losing it.
I'm home with the flu, and my husband — who GAVE it to me — has me on house arrest until the fever breaks and I'm "lucid" — his word, not mine. He doesn't get that I'm actually way sharper when I have a teensy fever. It's like that Bikram Yoga stuff. You know, the kind they do in the 105° rooms: the heat loosens you up and gets you way more flexible.
Since I'm stuck here, I figured I'd do some Bikram Cake Wrecks. But I can't find any wrecks! Everything Jen's tagged as a wreck is gorgeous! I think the pressure of turning out a daily blog is finally getting to her...
Here, let me show you some of the cakes she's calling wrecks:
;)
Don't they look cozy? And with three babies you can avoid some of that ugly squabbling over who gets the head. Perfect.
Look at this sweet little leopard, napping in the forest while the fireflies glow.
;)
Adorable! He's even got a widdle-bitty pet fork! And what a clever idea to mash all the cupcakes together like that - you even get extra frosting under the wrappers!
This re-telling of Cannonball Run is brilliant:
;)
It would have been so confusing without the extra birthday sign and airplane, though. Now, the plot's crystal clear!
OK, I'll admit this one has an error.
;)
That should be a #2, not a 1, but the workmanship is excellent.
This is a perfect representation of Spongebob doing the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona:
;)
It's a great way to teach your kids about Spanish culture, and if Spongebob gets gored no one really gets hurt -- 'cuz he's squishy!
Win-win.
Everyone knows you can't go wrong with unicorns.
;)
They're magical.
And what about this? I've never seen a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast done better.
;)
Never.
See? Jen's losing it! What should I do?
(Do you think john (thoJ) knows?)
Maybe I'll write her a song explaining the problem, right after I fix the Bugblatter Beast a sandwich.
(What? Jen's been losing it for a while, but he's hungry now.)
Thanks to Gretchen W., Nancy M., Laura H., Wendy E., Wendy R., Ginger G., and Anne-Marie L. for feverishly scouring their local bakeries for today's stunners.
Reader Comments (78)
Does anyone else remember those magazine ads for Obsession from the 80's that had so many bodies intertwined you couldn't tell what was what or how many people were involved? That first cake reminds me of those. It's Calvin Klein's Obsession for Babies; the perfect gift for first communion.
Great job Sharyn!! Feel better soon.
BUT that's why we love her (Jen)... she can actually *do/say* things publicly (her blogs) that we were all thinking anyway! (soooo brave)
Aw, feel better Sharyn! And quit feeding the unicorn Mexican food. Eesh :|
Who wrote this post? It's funny as Bikram, but I am confused as to who the author is.
(editor's note: Today's post was written by the wrecktastically hilarious Sharyn.)
Now I know what to do with all of those toilet paper rolls!
WTH is that first one? If it's what I think it is... *SHUDDERING*
OMG, I honestly thought the top cake was someone's GUTS for a surgery cake before I saw the (plastic?) babies.
Invisible walls.
No escape but through laughter.
Sponge Bob, the zoo mime.
sweetheart, go back to bed! It'll be better tomorrow. I'm not sure what the three headed thingy is supposed to be but the cross is nice. and the #1 is done well if mis-numbered. Oh, well, tylenol should help.
What did they feed that unicorn?
"God Bless These Children", for they have been partially devoured by The Blob.
Oh geez. Babies cuddled up in poo and a unicorn with the runs. I'm just glad it isn't Monday and that I'm alone because these things elicited the most unseemly noises from me. (From my *mouth*, you clods. Get your minds out of the gutter, which is where these cakes belong.) Get well soon. It's not clear from the post who has the flu -- I gather both Jen and John are quite ill? 'Cause that would explain this. ♫I'm not feeling too good myself...♪
My fork, so cuddly
beneath the fever phantoms.
Fork! How I love thee!
Awww, poor Sharyn! You must have a really bad fever, because that last cake is CLEARLY a Blimbering Humdinger, or possible a baby Crumple-Horned Snorkack. Hope you feel better soon! <3
Yeah, I guess after all this time, Jen's just simply running out of material. Kinda sad . . . I was hoping there'd be Wrecks for a long time.
[Lost it when you said it should be a #2 cake. Bwahahahahaha!]
TWO posts from HaikuJoy! Now that's a treat.
Feel good Sharyn((hugs)) eat some "Jewish penicillin" aka chicken soup to feel good.
bahaha haiku joy. :D
WTF is with the cakes?!?!?!?! O_o
And I thought unicorns only pooped pastel rainbow coloured marshmallows! Another dear childhood dream shattered by Cake Wrecks! Awesome post Sharyn, hope you feel better soon.
#4 (the #1 that looks like a #2)
I think it will be a while before I can use the phrase "angle of repose" with a straight face.
I'm digging the expression on the unicorn. He's all like: 'And? So?'
Unicorns don't care. They're hard core.
Nicely done, Sharyn. My only (small) quibble is I think the Spongebob cake is a tribute to Veggie Tales- that thing looks a lot like the Cebus from "Song of the Cebu."
And on the first cake, are the babies wrapped in intestines or silly putty? I honestly can't quite tell. And what exactly is the 1st birthday turd pile supposed to be? Other than a turd pile?
I just have to know, what on earth was the poo cake really "supposed" to be? I can't even begin to fathom. Please help! (Also not sure about the last cake, but I think I'll just stick with Sharyn's explanation on that one.) These are all . . . something else.
Am I the only one laughing over the third cake? I'm trying to figure out the theme. "The Ultimate Disney Mashup?" that would account for Snow White and the dwarves, the Marvel Superheroes, and Lightning McQueen, but I don't recognize the airplane or the motorcycle, and the pine tree seems completely arbitrary.
I am so glad that Snow White has so many heroes in her life -- the Dwarves, Lightning McQueen, Wolverine, Spidey, the Hulk -- but where does this leave Prince Charming? I guess if any of these other heroes bore her, Snow can just take off for places unknown on her dirt bike.
Just keep all grandmothers away from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast. No good can come of that.
That is one 'adora-bull' chasing SpongeBob.
The first cake is clearly based upon the famous French painting "Enfants Eruption avec Placenta et Dieu".....
The second cake is a map direction for a safari, from the early iPhone 5 map app: continue until you come to the fork in the leopard....
I think the third cake is actually from the sequel: CannonBall 2: Belly Flop.....
Cake four: in keeping with your Friday comments, Sharyn...after the elimination, this is what's found in a super bowl....
Cake five reminds me of my own tribute to that Spanish event, my annual attempt at Spring cleaning with the Running of the Vacuum....
Cake six unfortunately features a very immature unicorn... no Skittles or rainbows yet....
As for the last cake -- Quick...a towel....
Hope your feeling better soon!
Someone is obviously delirious--the problem is, who?
The cake decorators obviously started the problem, but the commentary has that feverish tinge to it, perhaps due to the nightmarish visions of cake.
Haiku Joy, thank you.
Instead of a sandwich, just wrap a towel around your head when near the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast. It will then conclude it can't see you and go away. Very stupid but VERY ravenous. And the towel might help your sinuses. Win-win!
Why bother fixing the Bugblatter Beast a sandwich?! Just cover your head with a towel... Oh, I get it. You don't want the SPCA coming after you for starving a Bugblatter Beast to death...Ok, feed it first & then cover your head...just in case... And take massive doses of Vitamin C & Vitamin D to help your body get over the flu faster lest you start developing complic... hmmm....maybe it's too late for that... don't go getting pneumonia on us!!
Get better soon, Sharyn!!
Baby heads in a pile of unwound intestines? Adorable!
I know my favorite part of Cannonball Run was the part where Lightning McQueen drove between Dopey, Grumpy, and Snow White, and Spider-Man, The Incredible Hulk, and Wolverine.
(NOTE: I've never actually seen Cannonball Run, so maybe that actually did happen. ;) )
And who can resist that smiling glob of poop with one eyebrow?
Does anyone know the real story behind cake #1? Group baptism? Anti-abortion? Why is it just baby heads in intestines? Why are the white squiggly embroidery lines going up onto the intestines? For the love of the God blessing them, someone please make sense of that!
Yes, there's nothing more magical than a unicorn with explosive diarrhea.
Wow, unicorns don't poop cupcakes after all! They poop chocolate! Also, yay for Douglas Adams references!
The worst part is that christening?? pillow cake isn't even that far off from what they are meant to look like, http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2245/4508206715_fd56fdc8e0_z.jpg I am a minister and have never ever seen a christening/baptism of a bunch of babies in some sort of fabric sack. Maybe I've been doing it wrong?
Sharyn, feed the beast and then go back to bed for more rest (and maybe lay off the NyQuil, okay?). I hope to see you rested and creating song parodies in no time!
@Haiku Joy - LMBO!!!
Uh, Sharyn... I don't think that's a Bugblatter Beast you're feeding. That's a GAZEBO!
Please, go take a rest. Do not forget to eat and drink water. And stop tickling that poor pink elephant's trunk with your feather. I never knew you had wings (much less FOUR), but that's simply not cool, okay?
(I don't think I'm feeling good... lately, on this blog, the cakes looked so... wrecked. Except at Sundays. Imagine that.)
Unicorns poop....tar? StinkSap?
I think there is a cross in the first one to ward against giving birth to something like that.
You know, usually I want to know the backstory on these cakes, but please do not tell me why there are three teeny-tiny baby heads wrapped in a placenta on what appears to be a ring bearers pillow.
Why are you trying to teach your 1 year old *to* eat poo?
I am sorta in love with the Spongebob Running of the Bulls.
Apparently, there is not enough magic even in a unicorn to make that cake look like anything but an exploded bowel.
Feel better, Sharyn.
I'm going to see to Theardare now. He's having an attack. His brain cannot compute the opposing directives; he is to uphold Jen's word that a wreck is a wreck, but Sharyn wrote the post so he must uphold *her* word that these are *not* wrecks.
*speaking to Theardare*: There, there. Have a lie down here in the atrium. I'll read you Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats again.
I'll meet you on Quarantine Island @Sharyn! I'll be the one with the bag full of Nyquil and other various flu remedies :(
Cake number five makes me think of Ferdinand the Bull....well, except for Spongebob. As Ferdinand, it's really well done.
I have nothing to add regarding the other cakes, but I <3 Douglas Adams.
The second 'cake' is CLEARLY Monet's representation of Tigger...silly Knigget... :)
I love your work. You always make me laugh, even if I'm feeling down. Thank you for contining to make my day!
Thank you, Animonkey, for the clarification on cake #1. Your reference example was clearly the "they asked for this" part of the "this is what they got" equation. However, 3 heads bobbing in satin sheets weren't really much more attracive to me than the ones bobbing in intestines.
I'm a little nervous to ask this, because I know this is a delicate question. But are the babies supposed to be dead in the 1st picture? Is it a memorial for triplets that died? I'm not quite understanding the purpose of that cake other than that they're dead, because of the intestines and the Cross accompanying them. It's a sad picture. :(
I actually thought that was a leopard until I realized it was supposed to be watermelon... Doesn't help that I'm eating cheetos too.
SHARYN! You rock! Feel better soon...I DEF. think you need to check into that fever... *nods* *backs away slowly* :D
I hate to break it to you, but the #2 cake (fourth from the top) is in fact intentional (and well executed).
It's a Japanese thing. Sigh. They have a complete lack of inhibitions regarding human waste. There is even an animated series about a family of... feces (though actually the cake is not in the shape of that family's members). You'll notice that this lovely character - unko chan - is also among the icons in your WhatsApp and your Apple Emoticon Keyboard (if you have an iOS device). Japanese think feces are cute.
See here: http://kintomo.ti-da.net/e2203311.html
http://naoty.sblo.jp/article/17179097.html
Get Well Soon!!!
And I love the Leopard... ^^