Wedding Is Believing
February 27, 2013 You all know we have a "professional cakes only" policy here at CW, but when it comes to wedding cakes that can be a tough call. See, apparently most of you wreckporters feel a little awkward accosting the bride and demanding to know if her baker actually considers himself a professional. (Cowards.)
So, today, I'll let you guys decide. These really are all wedding cakes served at actual weddings, and in many cases the photographers claim to believe the baker was paid. For your sanity, though, you may want to go on believing someone's Aunt Sally made them as a last-minute "favor."
;)
Needs more rose petals.
;)
Is that...meat? And more importantly: if your cake looks like a giant meat slab, wouldn't you think about maybe slapping some frosting over that sucker?
;)
Aw, now that's a shame; if only they had a few more bunches of fake flowers you wouldn't have to see the cake and tinfoil at ALL.
;)
Does anyone else get the feeling this should be rotating and spraying water out of the swan's mouths?
And speaking of water...
;)
Mmm. Wet tissue paper.
;)
Proof that there aren't enough gaussian blurs and hazy vignettes in the world to make a wreck look like a Sweet.
;)
See?
(P.S. OH. MAH. GAWD.)
Thanks to Heather H., Michele T., Connie P., AG, Samantha B., Allli B., Jessica H., Zoe H., & Skye C., for providing nightmare fuel for future brides everywhere.
PS. Believe it or not, I actually DID wean out a few that were even worse than these, because, for example, the baker put the wedding cake on a rusty pie plate:
;)
So I'm REALLY hoping that means it's homemade.
Still, the important thing to remember is that THIS IS A WEDDING CAKE.
And hey, put it on a regular cake board and I've totally seen worse.
Reader Comments (91)
Cakes 1 and 7 look like when I frost a cake. And I DO NOT frost a cake well, there is much cursing involved. And me serving the finished product saying, "I'm sorry it looks like that, I can't frost."
Maybe that second arrangement is to fit some sort of dietary restriction, no sugar, no dairy or something like that.
Well, at least they served cake, because I am really hating the new trend of serving cupcakes instead of cake. There is just no way to eat a cupcake neatly. Not even with a fork, because you still have to deal with the paper liner.
Did you notice the package of paper plates behind #3 and styrofoam coffee cups with #4? (I just CANNOT drink coffee from styrofoam!!) I can't believe any of these are professional cakes.
Hey, I own that exact rusty pie plate, with the exact same grease stains. I've never used it for cake though.
I thought the second one (the meat slab) actually looked kind of pretty. Of course there are real flowers on it, but still... or maybe it is because I imagine it has got the juiciest filling in the world. (I do not like fancy cake.)
Sung to “Chapel of Love”
Wedding’s here, bride is blue, whoa- oh- oh
Roses scream for friends they knew
Today’s the day meat slab won’t do
And we can’t see the cake anymore
The baker’s going to the chapel and she’s gonna get harried.
Going to the chapel and she’s gonna get harried.
Gee, I really love cake but the swans make me wary
Wet tissue paper of love
Heads will roll, WOW that’s blue, whoa- oh- oh
Cakes been smeared with mint green goo
Those with big bucks get cake wrecks too
Bet that baker won’t see stars anymore
The baker’s going to the chapel and he’s gonna get harried.
Going to the chapel and he’s gonna get harried.
That’s a rusty pie plate and the guests’ll get tetanus
Have some of the lock jaw of love.
I'm.....speechless.
@ A.J.- Try icing it instead. Much easier. *snicker*
Posts like this make me so grateful for the cake I had.
#4 Toothpicks sticking out of strawberries, nice touch.
The second cake looks like it's cheesecake rather than traditional cake, so you wouldn't frost it. But you'd think there'd be some way to make it look better!
Wow. I shall never feel ashamed of the cakes I make again - at least they are straight and the icing smooth. No.7 was professionally made? Seriously?
And isn't No.2 a giant pork pie?
I *think* number 2 might be three tiers of chocolate cheesecake. (See the dark Brown crust between the layers? ). I am more horrified by the plastic flowers. I mean, did anyone wash those things before sticking then in cake?
Something old,something new,something borrowed,something blue has been replaced by flower overkill and a multitude of melted cakes.
My first thought on no, 4 was that it should indeed be rotating and spraying water out of the *bride's* mouth.
Is it just the lighting/angle, or does that topper really look like the bride is drunk as anything and the groom is trying to prop her up?
I'm all for doing weddings on the cheap (not cheap quality, just as in not spending 10s of thousands of dollars), but styrofoam at a wedding is about the tackiest thing I can imagine. Well, other than that cake.
I think the final one is probably homemade because that looks exactly like my well-love pizza pans, not a pie plate. But still, for a wedding cake, why wouldn't you at least cover the pan with something prettier? People amaze me.
I think that I shall never see
A cake as flowery as number three.
Though number four, had flowers too
It’s sad it looks so icky poo.
One and four don’t look so great
Until compared to number eight.
Five and six would be pure heaven
If plopped down next to number seven.
Perhaps ‘cause she’s a celebrity
got her cake for free.
I can make a cake that’s dreck
But it takes a pro to make a wreck.
My husband said, and I quote,"maybe the brides didn't care, maybe the cakes tasted good. They might have tasted good." He's such an idiot sometimes.
OK, IS that a 'pie plate" for the last one, or is that a rusty ol' pizza pan? Because I have that one at home.
I've seen some pretty bad "professional" wedding cakes over the years. None that bad, though!
Then there was the time the caterer dropped my cousin's wedding cake. Yeah. Turns out, it was an omen for the marriage...
And yet...if someone's Auntie had made most of these I'd be charmed. Context is all. (Ok NOT Strawberry-Toothpicks-Of-Death, that one is disturbing)
I wonder if the strawberries on top of # 4 are saying "Feed me, Seymour!"
Cake #1 -- I guess having cake show through the icing is symbolic of the marriage being a transparent one.
Cake #2 -- Definitely a meatloaf wedding cake. The greasy look gives it away.
Cake #4 -- Nothin' like having strawberry juice run down the side of the cake ruining your aqua colored icing. Cake #8 -- Has to be a bed pillow and seat cushion display.
Cake #9 -- Looks like the roses are trying to get off the cake.
Thank you for posting these objects on our 14th anniversary.
Those strawberries on top bear a striking resemblance to the plant from Little Shop of Horrors. They look like they're throwing up in disgust from being associated with that quivering vomitous mass.
My sister has asked me to make her wedding cake for this summer. I am pretty afraid it will end up fitting in here.
The Strawberry Wreck of Doom (Indian Jones sold separately) should not only be rotating and spraying, it should spew great streamers of strawberry soda a la the Eric the Red sketch from SNL. The toothpicks are a particularly nice touch, showing that mere esthetics are but feeble things in the face of an opportunity to make the whole wedding family weep at the reception ("OMG, we PAID? For THIS?").
Anyone notice on #3 (blue flower explosion/nightmare) that the bride looks like she's dragging the groom back from jumping off the top of the cake? Smart groom, I'd say!
Cake #2 (snicker) looks like unfrosted brownies to me. Or as others have suggested, cheesecake. Or even as Carolyn B. said, a big pork pie. (Mmmm... boy do I miss pork pie.)
1. Did anyone else think "Starship Enterprise?"
2. Looks like an egg dish. Quiche cake?
3. Sensibly, the plastic figurines are trying to escape from this wreck
4. Is the bride holding a teddy bear? or just brown flowers?
5. this exact thing happened to me when I tried to bake gluten-free bread last week
6. Maybe it happened in the car on the way over
7. Yikes! Why is the bottom layer so bowed? Is there a log under it or something?
9. That's a pizza pan, not a pie plate.
@Sandy: Cheesecake can be a great wedding cake and it is easy for an amateur to make it look good.
Don't stack the layers. Either use a stand as in wreck #1 or display one and hold others in the kitchen.
Pipe a whipped cream border. If I can make a fairly even row of stars, anyone can.
Use a lot more fruit. Fruit looks tasty. Maybe a double-row of raspberries inside the whipped cream with a little pile in the center. Or, just cover the whole thing with fruit if you can't reliably find the center.
could #2 be an angel food cake?
I REALLY hope that #7 is a joke. If I were the bride I would be utterly inconsolable and probably make the baker choke on it.
It looks like a 2 year old frosted it.
Not a pretty cake, but I like the dancing couple topper on the pink and blue one (was it #6?).
I'm going to continue believing someone's auntie made these wedding cakes...that will help me sleep at night. I think cake #2 may be a stacked chocolate cheesecake?
These just sort of make me sad.
I actually did make my sister in law's wedding cake and it looked better than any of those. The caterer told me it looked like a $400 professional cake.
Those strawberries made me think of Little Shop of Horrors. Feed Me Seymour!
I feel like Cake #4 should inexplicably have a fondant big-lipped alligator wearing a beflowered shower cap emerging from it while singing "Let's Make Music Together."
(All Dogs Go to Heaven? Anyone? No?)
wow - can there be any more flowers on cake #3? I don't think so!!
I choose to believe that on cake number 3 she has to stop him from jumping off the side of the cake because he just learned from the looks of said cake that she is one flower petal away from the next episode of Hoarders.
Oh, my. We should not be able to see the cake through the poorly-spread icing. It just ruins the elegance of the moment...
Part of me thinks these are funny, but I always feel sad when I see wrecked wedding cakes. I feel so bad for the bride. :(
I knew a lady who made meatloaf wedding cakes, but she frosted them with mashed potatoes.
Man alive... I shall never again be ashamed of my home-baked wedding cakes (five of 'em) - at least mine were straight, smooth, and on actual cakeboards - except that one that was so heavy I had to sandwich in my breadboard to keep the whole thing from bowing while being carried....
Yeesh. Go to Michael's or iParty and buy a Wilton book and some actual professional tools, if you don't have time to take some lessons (and a couple of those cakes look as if there was a 10 o'clock call the night before to say, "Hey, we're gettin' married in the morning! Will ya make a cake for us? Tonight? The whole family's comin', so about fifty servings, okay? Kthxbye!").
..attack of the giant strawberries was the first thing that came to mind... and wow..even free, these are sooo bad..I'd rather have no cake..just sayin..
Kudos, Sharyn and Subee! I don't always comment, but I just had to this time. Excellent work! Also, thanks to Cake Wrecks for making me super happy with my wedding cake. No regrets there. :)
I get so peeved at wedding wrecks, man. I had a very small wedding on a very small budget and our cake was awesome. If these are pros - they need a few remedial Wilton classes or something.
At least they got married and had a wedding reception, with cake and maybe even punch. SPIKED punch I hope!
wait....I don't think that last one is a rusty pie plate.....it looks like my rust pizza pan....I'm going to look in the cabinet now to see if it is missing.....
Those strawberries are very... stabby... on #4. It either looks like a giant fish mouth with bloody teeth is about to eat them, or possibly the groom has drugged the bride and is dragging her up the mountain to feed her to the monster. Either way, this is not a mental image I'd want at a wedding.
The second cake looks like my brother's chocolate-peanut butter swirl cheesecake wedding cake. He made it himself. Only it wasn't decorated at all. And it sort of collapsed on itself. By comparison this "wreck" is quite well-executed... sadly.