FROSTED FEAR: The Snow Man Cometh
December 13, 2013 This Friday the 13th...
Someone...
is watching:
;)
But it's not Santa.
He could be in your basement.
He could be in your room.
But most likely...
HE'S IN YOUR BAKERY.
;)
"Diet soda? You know how bad that stuff is for you?"
So run, run, run, as fast as you can:
;)
Because these snowmen:
;)
are out
FOR BLOOD:
;)
[Wilhelm scream]
There will be FIGHTS:
;)
"Put 'em up, ya frosted flake!"
There will be PUNS:
;)
"A-HA! Who's disarmed now, bee-yotch??"
And HEADS will ROLL:
;)
"Little help here?"
;)
"We'll bite your legs off!"
But mostly...
there will...
be...
TERROR.
;)
;)
;)
At least until the hot cocoa is ready.
Then those suckers are goin' DOWN.
Thanks to Adria P., Mark H., Anony M., Cheyenne A., Jessie T., Andi L., Vanessa M., Bethany S., Tom B., and Dyan B., who are stockpiling flame throwers, just in case. (And don't worry, guys; I'll bring the marshmallows!)
Reader Comments (49)
Sung to "Santa Claus is Coming to Town"
You better watch out
'Cause those bells are sly
Aspertame Santa's telling you why
Christmas cakes are coming to town
You'd better run fast
Take my advice
Vampire Frosty'll put you on ice
Christmas cakes are coming to town
They'll slash you while you're sleeping
They'll punch you in the face
So please let this be understood
Or your arms will be erased
The headless will shout
Leg biters will cry
There's really no doubt
That you're gonna die
Psycho Snowman's bringing you down...
I just want to thank you for helping me start each day with a smile, or - - like today - - a hearty laugh.
Put away your axe, Frosty, I've got a hairdryer...
Now it's time for the
newest Olympic event -
the hatchet relay!
"Wilhelm scream"
HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Running Past the Bak’ry on a Snowy Evening
Whose cakes these are I think I know.
His bak’ry’s in the village though;
He will not hear me criticize
His bloody men made out of snow.
A vicious blob instilling fear
A headless cutie looks so dear
Sitting in the bakers case
The darkest cakes of the year.
The armless monster makes me quake
I fear there must be some mistake
The only explanation’s that
This decorator is a fake.
Some cakes are lovely, tasty, sweet.
But these are cakes I will not eat.
I’d rather die covered in sleet,
I’d rather die covered in sleet.
@Jodee: How's the baby? Many, many congraduations!
OH, yeah. I TOTALLY hear the *SCREECH!-screech-screech! screech screech screech SCREECH!-screech-screech "PSYCHO" violins...!!
PERFECT. =^e.e^-=
I could just hear the dramatic cresendo as we zoomed in on our axe-wielding foe. Love this!
I didn't know snowmen could be so evil
I can see it now, the next instant cult classic movie on syfy (what was wrong with calling it SciFi? but I digress): SNOWMANADO!
Today would have been my dad's 82nd birthday. He would have loved today's post (quite twisted was he -- you can probably guess who influenced me). He would have especially appreciated the first wreck, although the "bells" aren't very perky. We also once made a snowman that looked very much like #2, I'm embarrassed to admit. O.o
As for me, the last snowman makes me the most nervous, as he's already struck once -- poor #8, it must have snowed in Sleepy Hollow.
AAAUUUGGGHHH D:
@ Sharyn- How do you do that? I sing every time and it always fits with the music. LOVE it!
@ SuBee- Hey, you're a poet!!! LOVE it!!
Did anyone else here hear the "da-dum" sound in their head and it got louder when it zoomed in? Then the final "da-da-duuummmmmmm". I don't watch horror flicks but I loved this one..."Frosted Fear- The Snowman Cometh" aaahhahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH!!! Jen, bring the GIANT marshmallows this time!! ;+)
Apparently, by the red AND green blood on that cake, the snowmen have it in for Vulcans as well as human. Watch out, Spock!
So what's the glowy thing on the cupcake behind the bee-yotch snowman?
Jen and the commentors are on FIRE today! (But not in a homicidal kind of way -- in a funny ha ha kind of way!!)
Oh, Oh, Oh?? I can't figure out if they meant to write Ho, Ho, Ho and used the fleeing gingerbread to cover their tracks. Thank you for yet another hilarious post.
I see the Grinch has been taking cake decorating classes. Maybe his heart needs to grow a few more sizes before he's successful at it.
Third cake: Someone was actually capable of misspelling "Ho ho ho." Unbelievable.
Eighth cake made me laugh and laugh. "I'll have a snowman cake, please, but I'd like the head on the side." Did someone just watch "When Harry Met Sally"?
I lost it at "Little Help Here?"
The next one looks like Hobo Snowmen.
The snowman who needs a little help looks strikingly similar to those Calvin made.
@Sharyn: spp
@Haiku Joy: hahaha... that's a scary thought...let's hope it's open only to snowmen...and is part of the summer Olympics...
@SuBee: somewhere Robert Frost is smiling...and eating cake...well done!
I think a dog with wicked bowel control must have decided to give the leg biters in #9....
Hats? Hair? Maybe tried to bury them and ran out of ammunition?
They should count themselves lucky the dog had already peed elsewhere.
Like on #4's nose.
It took me a few seconds to figure out the first one. Then, once I saw the eyes, they wouldn't quit LOOKING at me!!
Sharyn and Haiku joy bwahahahaha :D
I was so disturbed by the sprinkles placement on the tree cake, I didn't even notice the misspelling until you guys pointed it out!
Why oh why does the snowman in #4 have a widow's peak? I think he's wearing ear muffs, but I don't get the widow's peak. It makes him look sinister. And, like Magneto when he wears his helmet.
OK, these scare me more than the clown cakes. O.O
As bad as the wreckerators are, I really hope that #3 is a bit of sleight of hand involving picture flipping. Surely they didn't REALLY misspell Ho, Ho, Ho. The cake is bad enough already without such an egregious error. smh
Ho, Ho, Ho isn't spelled wrong, they just did it upside down with apostrophe's. You know, so people could read it from the other side.... or something. *facepalm*
Once again, CW and readers have proven to be the cleverest people on the Interwebs. Jen, Sharyn, SuBee, Haiku Joy, Caroline B and all, I'm still laughing. And nervously looking over my shoulder . . .
Is the picture of the gingerbread man cake backwards? Or are they just that bad that they put OH, OH, OH on the right side of the cake?
Just imagine the snowmen melting; that usually does the trick. ;)
**Baby update** No baby yet. Mama is currently at the mall trying to walk him out.
That first snowman might be the scariest thing I've seen in awhile. Not ever because, well, this is Cake Wrecks after all! Those anklebiter cupcakes are a close second!
If the headless Frosty is covered in coconut I'm all there!
Axe Murderer Frosty? So they somehow thought an AXE was Christmas-y? Uh, maybe I've celebrating it wrong? I would say something about having a few family members that might need a visit from him but that would be premeditated...or something.
The Snowblob in "cake" #2 (heh) seems to have a stitched up mouth. Words cannot convey how abjectly horrifying that is to me.
They better not try to take that last cake through airport security...
http://nypost.com/2013/12/11/tsa-confiscates-sock-monkeys-toy-pistol/
Oogie Boogie?
Not only did the Gingerbread Man in cake 3 have to "run, run, run" he had the RUNS. OH, OH, OH. I think he was looking for a bathroom in a big hurry, he left a trail through the tree. Lol
@Pam-It's Robert Frosting!
I must have waaaay too much time on my hands (which should be impossible because I spend a huge chunk of my time in the NICU with my daughter... Cake Wrecks is my escape from the seriousness of the hospital world) but the tree cake with Gingerbread Man flotsam has not been flipped to make it wrecky - I found that flotsam being peddled on a website and Mr. Gingerbread's hair line shows the image has not been flipped.
http://www.sweetbakingsupply.com/gingerbread-cupcake-pick-p-154.html
@Pam - I totally did that sound effect too!
The third cake down looks like it has heels of rye bread stuck to the bottom of it. How odd...
Ahh lmao at the Frosty with an ax. He is about to kill himself the way that thing is aimed. Must have been a rough day for him lol.
You think I'm disarmed?
It's just a flesh woulnd!
You think I'm disarmed?
It's just a flesh woulnd!
Ohmygods, you have an evil gingerbread man mention! One of my favorite funny Christmas songs is "Genetically Modified Gingerbread Msn" by Bah & the Humbugs! It's here (the first song under the Favorites header): http://fjordstone.com/bah/download.html
More evil gingerbread men, please!
@SuBee: "Robert Frosting!" ~~Brilliant and perfect--love it!! =^~.~^=
3) @Teal, I'm guessing chocolate biscotti...but still, a tree with two trunks is a bit unusual.
4) Silent but deadly: Vlad the snowman keot his fangs hidden until it was time to strike.
8) Black icing, yum. Gotta love the way it seeps into those white faces.
#3: well if you turn it the other way 'round it's "HO'HO'HO".
#4:Is actually meant to be a penguin (because penguins are apparently the new politically correc t"non-descript, generic winter holiday" animal symbols taking the place of non-pc "vaguely Christmas-like" animal symbols such as reindeer) but somehow the decorator felt that it should be an evil penguin.
I guess it's "Happy Feet" all grown-up & suffering from "child-actor syndrome" as he realizes that he's no longer cute & nobody cares about his dancing anymore.
#8: Maybe the store was trying to capitalize on that new "Frozen" movie, with the snowman whose head keeps falling off? It looks vaguely enough like the character for customers, yet dis-similar enough to refute potential copywrite lawsuits.
The first snowman looks very much like Bad Mr. Frosty from Clayfighter... Maybe that's what they were going for?
http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120426222060/clayfighter/images/4/49/Badmrdrosty.png
Love the Monty Python and The Holy Grail reference! "Tis but a flesh wound!"