Whiskey. Turkey. Foxtrot.
November 26, 2013 Think all those turkey cakes are bad?
Well, they are.
But these are worse:
1. Mildly amusing idea, SUPER creepy execution:
;)
No. Just... no.
2. "Jack Skellington and the Politically-Incorrect Window Display of Holiday Awkwardness."
;)
With bonus charred turkey flying out of a pumpkin.
3. Evil Zombie Pilgrim:
;)
Yeesh, this reminds me of the bad guy in Disney's Hunchback of Notre Dame. Whatever happened to all the cute little pilgrims?
Oh, wait, here they come!
4. Pilgrims in straitjackets:
;)
You know, I'm starting to think bakers REALLY don't like these guys.
5. Thanksgiving Bachelorette Party:
;)
"Hey, bebeh, do you prefer light meat, or dark?" [eyebrow waggle]
6. "Heeeeeeere's JOHNNY!"
;)
Admit it: you'd order a dozen of these in a heartbeat, just to see your in-laws' reactions.
Actually, Jeannie tells me she HAD to buy this because her cell phone camera wasn't working - and this obviously needed to be documented for posterity. POSTERITY THANKS YOU, JEANNIE.
Posterity also thanks Megan L., Christie C., Jamie N., Rob, & Laurie R. for the excellent wreckporting.
Reader Comments (63)
Why yes, yes I would like a couple dozen of that last cookie. Hilarious.
Remind me, which Tim Burton movie featured a pumpkin-headed fruit bat?
#2
Thank you for explaining that that was a charred turkey. All I could come up with was a mini-Darth Vader raising his arms in celebration.
I think the last one, gingerbread turkey crotch, is funny. I am, however, disturbed by what looks like string hanging off the G-man's mouth. Well, it could have been a hair...
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
Is Flaming Turkey Crotch a new STD we should warn our children about? If so, someone should get on that PSA for FTC right away!!
I see Ken' s about to stuff the turkey then...
Sung to "In the Jungle"
In the cake blog, the mighty cake blog
The whitetails meet tonight
They extinguished the flaming turkey
And now it's cooked just right
What can I say? What can I say? What can I say? What can I say?
What can I say? What can I say? What can I say? What can I say?
Near the village, the hunchbacks pillage
That looks like Severus Snape
Put the pilgrims in long sleeved jackets
They have a lovely drape
What can I say? What can I say? What can I say? What can I say?
What can I say? What can I say? What can I say? What can I say?
Hush my darling, don't flee my darling
Before your wedding night
Choose the dark meat, it's "pop-up timer"
Should really make your night...
What can I say? What can I say? What can I say? What can I say?
What can I say? What can I say? What can I say? What can I say?
Ee ee ee a a ee ee ee a
Eee -- Can't look away.
Ee ee ee a a ee ee ee a
Eee -- Can't look away.
Poor zombie pilgrim
just needs more iron, I bet.
Hence the cannon balls.
I think the hunk on the bearskin (bareskin??) rug just threw up.
Hey bebeh, let's start
the FEAST, eh? But safety first.
Here, take your Gas-X.
I LOVE love love the Ken doll on the bear carpet with the turkey. That is the most brilliant "cake" I've ever seen. I don't know if HE is giving thanks for the turkey, or if the bear is giving thanks because he has Ken lying on top, or if the turkey is giving thanks that it's about to be eaten by a semi-nude plastic man . . . but the entire situation is completely brilliant. I'm giving thanks that I've seen it.
Cake 1: Knowing the hunters that I know, I actually think this is pretty funny.
Cakes 2, 3 and 6: These wreckerators must be foreigners or immigrants, and never heard the Thanksgiving story in school, or learned about pilgrims. When did Halloween monsters become pilgrims?
Cake 4: At least the Pilgrims are cute, and the cakes are appetizing!
Cake 5: Screaming with laughter and tears rolling down my face. And they broiled Ken enough so he matches the color of the turkey AND the frosting!
Cake 7: These cookies continue to baffle me. Why, Cake Gods, WHY?????
Sharyn: Genius. Pure genius!
Jen, this is one of those days where I wonder how you survive all the weirdness.
I used to care that
I'm a one-winged angel, but
now I've found Prozac.
My husband tells me that "little bird" is a French euphemism for a guy's, well, fill in the blank... which casts that last wreck in a whole new light.
Turkey gets gravy,
but when carving ghost turkey,
serve ectoplasm.
Re #4: Pilgrims In Straitjackets
The timing was unfortunate. What he really wanted was a cake made with the visage of his hero, John Wayne, along with his favorite quote from the movie “The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.” However, a crowded bakery, a harried baker and the nature of the season all worked against him. He had to shout his order to be heard above the din, accompanied by hand gestures that really had no meaning but that he hoped gave a sense of clarity and urgency to what he was saying. The baker nodded, as if he understood, took the order, and went on to the next insistent customer.
The timing was unfortunate. He was running late when he came to pick up his order. The chaos at the bakery was the same, only now people were clamoring to get their goodies. He was almost drowned in a sea of waving hands holding tickets. The cacophony of the cash register and the clamoring customers, punctuated by the periodic “Next!” from the lone baker drowned out any possibility of thought. When his turn came, he grabbed the box, paid, and, fighting against the incoming tide of arriving customers, quickly left.
In retrospect, the timing was unfortunate. He should have waited a few days, until after the rush had passed, so he could be sure the baker got it right. And he should have arrived earlier to pick up his order so he could check it before he left. And then there was the quote. As the man looked down at his box of Mayflower travelers, he understood. It had been misconstrued as instruction rather than decoration: “Think you can make it, Pilgrim?”
@Sharyn & Haiku Joy: in rare form today!
@HaikuJoy -- you are in fine form today, young lady
@Sharyn -- funny and spot on as usual
@Jen -- Amazing narration and descriptions!
Are you kidding? I need to order about 3 dozen of those gingerbread cookies so my whole family can laugh at them and make "wattle" jokes
The straitjacketed pilgrims look like Windy Miller http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d27hPy38EyI
"Heeeeeeere's JOHNNY!" I literally laughed my arse off at that last one. LITERALLY!! It's laying on the floor "behind" me. (ok, it's not literal, it's hyperbole)
OMG, first Jen made me laugh out loud and made my day. Then, I read Sharyn's dark meat and pop-up timer post and tears started to come down my face. Then I read Haiku Joy's latest two offerings and now my coworkers think I'm completely nuts because I'm back here in my office just howling with laughter.
I thought that, on the politically incorrect cookie, someone was robbing the turkey, which is why he was standing on top of the pumpkin with his hands...er...wings up.
Okay, grab his rack,
turn to the camera, and smile!
Oooo! Let's frame that one!
That third disaster is a fantastic example of recycling. The wreckery had a leftover Halloween Witch CCC (patooie), so they just lopped the top off her hat and put her back out.
I'd just like to thank Jeannie for taking one for the team.
OMG Sharyn and Haiku joy you guys are on FIRE today XD :D the last one is so bad it's good :) the hunting cake is a funny idea, if it was done better i'd like the humor of it the rest of them wtf
Best Thanksgiving post yet!
#1. You had me at "This one is barely legal". I wonder if deer have "Antler Envy"?
#2. I think that's the Indian meeting the "white" man.
#3. This cake is actually to celebrate the Salem Witch Trials.
#4. That one pilgrim is quite buxom.
#5. Someone already made a Ken stuffing the turkey joke, dang it! How about...Is that a pop-up timer in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Too cliche'?
#6. Answering the "burning" question of whether or not gingerbread men have peckers.
The bakery was closing, but the baker felt she must incorporate the next major holidays in one brilliant design: Thanksgiving, Christmas and Valentine's Day. Ta-Da! The Gingerbread Turkey Stripper (with stuffing).
#3: Pilgrim as interpreted by Picasso
@Sharyn - I sung the the whole thing (stopping to laugh at "pop up timer")! Great job!
@Haiku Joy - Gas-X, Prozac, & ectoplasm? LOL!!
What's up with the 3-breasted, 3-testicled witch/pilgrim/zombie/thing?
That last wreckorator must've heard the joke about the guy who snuck his pet chicken into a movie by putting it down his pants.
That first cake could have been a Far Side Cartoon. It fits the Far Side style. That cookie is the hammer!
"W T F", indeed! =^??^=
I'm hoping #6 isn't the newest incarnation of "flipping the bird" to someone?!
Let's holiday up
a classic horror movie:
Turkey groinbuster.
#3 looks more like a witch with six boobs.
The cookie cake reminded me of the "play" from Addams Family Values: "I am a turkey! Eat me!"
I have been to the Great Wall of China, I have seen the Pyramids of Egypt, I've even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel. But satisfy a turkey? That's fowl, indeed.
"Turkey Merkin".
A phrase I honestly never even dreamed alone at night I would ever use, until this year...
BADKarma-
You nailed it with Evil Zombie Pilgrim. It is SO a leftover Halloween witch!
Holy gingerbread merkin batman
Nothing says "Happy Thanksgiving" like a mostly naked Ken doll on a bearskin rug.
And "Flaming Turkey Crotch" should be added to your collection of copyrighted material along with "Naked Mohawk Baby Carrot Jockeys". It's a classic.
Nothing says "Happy Thanksgiving" like a mostly naked Ken doll on a bearskin rug.
And "Flaming Turkey Crotch" should be added to your collection of copyrighted material along with "Naked Mohawk Baby Carrot Jockeys". It's a classic.
#3 looks like the Wicked Witch of the West!!
OH MY.......(head tilt).......(head tilt the other way)......okay, their Thanksgivings and my Thankgivings are obviuosly WAY different holidays.......I never knew eroticism to have a place on the Thanksgiving table, but HEY!! to each his own.....the definition of "eating turkey" could mean many things......
who are these people that make these things????????? I love the maniacal smiling rug under the Manbi!
@Haiku Joy ~ I'm thinking you must be on break already? Impressing offerings today :-)
@Sharyn ~ We sang that song in high school. I like your lyrics better! OooooWWwwwEEEeeeeeeee!!!
I need those turkey crotch cookies for my family Thanksgiving. At least I don't have to make the turkey!
No, just sometijmes EVERY CAKE needs its own haiku.
Evidence the first: http://www.cakewrecks.com/home/2012/3/16/pucker-up-st-patrick.html
The post title sums it up pretty well. I have nothing to add, except perhaps: Whiskey + Turkey Wrecks = The Trots (fox, or otherwise)
Did anyone else hear a little voice yell, "Ta-Da!!" when you first saw the gingerbread man turkey??
I think it's probable that turkey is diving into the pumpkin instead of flying out of it. No orange goo all over it, see?