Hey Dad, Guess What!
June 12, 2012 Here's a fun game for Father's Day: tell dad you got him a special cake that represents your relationship together. Make a big deal out of it - maybe work up a tear or two, if you can.
Then hand him this:
;)
...and just look at him expectantly.
Remember, if you laugh, you'll totally ruin it.
I know you're scrolling down here looking for the answer, but in all honestly I have no idea what that is. Someone told me it's a hat, but I'm just not buying it.
Speaking of which, here's another "hat" I'm not buying:
;)
You know, if it weren't for these punny sayings I wouldn't know what half the wrecks I see are supposed to be.
Not that this label is helping me any:
;)
Um...
It looks like one of those awareness ribbons. Is there some new Handyman cause I should know about?
"Stop Corporate Tools. Support Your Local Handyman."
Dang it, now I kind of hope that's it.
Don't even tell me if I'm wrong; I need this to be a thing.
And now, some unfortunately fishy pole action:
;)
Talk about the catch of the day!
No, on second thought, we'd better not.
("You should have seen it, guys! It was THIS BIG.")
I think I've featured this next cupcake cake [patooie!] design every year since Cake Wrecks began, and yet STILL the bakeries keep churning it out:
;)
Seriously. Can you tell what this is? NO YOU CANNOT. Don't even pretend. If you can tell what this is, you're probably a witch. Or you weigh the same as a duck. Or you've been turned into a newt.
Harsh? Maybe a little. But you'll get better.
You don't mind a little course humor, do you?
;)
Although, really, all I see is a sea-sick Fail Whale.
What, you don't see it?
[pointing] A WITCH!!
Ahem.
Father/child hand prints are SO last year. The newest thing?
;)
Skeleton hand prints.
(Five bucks says you just counted those "fingers.")
(You did, didn't you?)
(A-HA!! I knew it.)
(Wait, what are you doing? Where are you taking me? WHY IS THIS DUCK HERE?!)
Ashley W., Leah Q., Jen W., Matt A., Kathy J., Jessica P., & Kat J., I'm NOT a witch. I'm not. And tell John to stay out of this discussion. THAT LEFTOVER BURRITO WAS FAIR GAME. Plus I was hungry.
Reader Comments (128)
I'm convinced the first one is a number one, but what that orange and brown mess is I have no idea. Do people really pay for these things?
perhaps the third cake is a hernia belt? I faintly remember my grandfather wearing one and it was shaped somewhat like that. only better looking. I'm lucky, my father prefers pie.
Photo 3: thigh master?
I'm not a witch, I'm your wife!
Strangely, the burning question I was left with was, why did someone lick all of the white frosting off the golf course cake? Was that supposed to be an improvement??
Of course I'll try to I.D them;
#1 the underside of a tank
#2 The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch without its topper. (it does say its 'hat is off")
#3 The Stargate
#4 A donkey chef flipping marshmallow pizza dough behind a painted fence
#5 a Santa suit left on the change room floor
#6 a one eyed polar bear making friends with mutant algae on a melting Arctic ice floe
#7 Warning! Never dip your hands into toxic waste to see if it's real.
ok, I have no idea what the mutant Santa is supposed to be- can someone enlighten me?
I think maybe the green and yellow ribbon is a pair of pliers? (why are they a pair? why are scissors a pair? since they function only when paired with it's mirror image, is that why? but why do we ask for scissors, plural, when we want one tool, and not two?????)
and the white and green fail whale - no clue... help!!
I think that first one is a marching drum, but what that has to do with Father's Day... And the red globby one is a sports car/BBQ!
Any post with Monty Python references is special...
Put them all on the cart -- they are all dead!
1. Maybe it's a sled, reminiscent of all those fun winters when dear ol' dad pulled the sled up the hill, over the dead grass, in spite of the lack of snow. However, it was still cold, therefore the sled froze and turned blue.
2. This is obviously a basketball with blue seams, because everybody knows you can't wear a hat when you play basketball. Plus, aren't the finals going on right now, coinciding with Father's Day and the surrounding week? (Look! Look! I knew a sports thing! Do I get a cookie? Erm, one that's not been wreckorated?)
3. Support your local handyperson, so he or she can afford to quit that second job at the bakery. Please. Handy plumbing skills do not equal handsome piping skills.
4. What the flipper? Really?
5. Obviously, this is a brown Lazy Boy recliner with added cushions in the color of dad's favorite team (Go Red Somethings!). The orange stuff represents the Doritos thoughtfully stowed among the cushions for later snacking, and the white thing down there on the side is a cooler, filled with his favorite beverages. Or very small rocks. I got better!
6. Why is the green turkey leg staring at me? Make it stop!
7. Maybe they are crowns? Or fireworks? Glad to see the dad one is still in his favorite color (Go Red Somethings! Did we win the Belmont Bowl yet?).
Re: the design that gets featured every year:
it a grilit's a grill. The red parts are the enamel-coated body and lid of the grill, you can see the grill-marked hamburger patties and flames near the middle, the white rectangly bit is a propane tank, and the other bottom bits would look more like wheels if one of them hadn't broken off and been shoved to the side, unnoticed. *gets dragged out of the Epcot bunker* 'Tis a fair cop.I LOVE these! If I can't figure them out The Google can. The Google knows everything.
1. The Google says its either the bottom half of two men sitting on a bench or a shiny blue CORVETTE!! I don't know about your dad, but mine is going with the car.
2. No google for this one. It's the inside of one of those cheap, adjustable baseball caps. Those blue stripes are the plastic adjusty things.
C. Hose clamp, duh.
4. A puppy Farthare Day cake should not be included here. It's an insult to fathers and lessens the meaning of puppy Farthare Day.
5. Dancing, headless Santa with a suitcase. Run away, Santa! Run Away!!!!
F. Okay, The Google doesn't know everything.
7. All googling aside, I think this is just lovely. Are decomposed fathers not fathers? No, they are not.
...and Jen, you are not a witch. Even The Google knows that!
First cake obviously a drum. Ka-CHING <rim shot>
Red cake with brown belt is a headless Santa. That was easy!
Maybe we should just cancel Fathers Day and let him just go spend it as he wants to.
Nice! Monty python is always good.
That first one looks like a sled to me. The rest? Who knows!
The fifth cake may be a grill...er, maybe. Oh hey a manager's special! :)
My guesses:
Cake 1: A Wave on the ocean.
Cake 2: Base ball cap (Seen from the top front)
Cake 3: A Spring clamp - (Handi Clamp)
Cake 4: fishing rod fish
Cake 5: A poorly constructed grill?
Cake 6: A golf green and sand trap
Cake 7: A crown (Budweiser sym.)
I think the "handyman" one is supposed to be a pair of pliers, with a stress on "supposed to"
MP FTW! Seriously, that kept these cakes from making me weep profusely. What is wrong with these people? Don't they love their daddy? ALL of these horrify me but especially the "fish" (uh dolphin?) with the five o'clock shadow and those horrifying skeleton fingers (you were right Jen, I counted them!). If I gave my dad any of these, he'd probably just laugh at me and then we'd throw the cake away and go out for pie. :)
I agree that the first cake is either a drum or a sled.
The third cake is a pair of pliers.
The fifth cake is a hiker's backpack with a lot of accessory cases and other items hanging from it.
The first, an old-fashioned wire-y telephone. You know, to remind him that you really have no time for visiting.
The fish thing. Ew. The unfortunately placed fish, the "fishing rod" bursting out a white... Ew. Just ew.
Brain broke, can't figure it out O_o
OHMYGODS!!!! DAD CAUGHT FLIPPER!!!! (sob)...
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wow. Talk about a lot of WTFness.
Is it possible that the last one is just really poorly drawn Budweiser crowns? That was the first thing I thought of when I saw them. Don't judge me.
The rest? No clue. Although I'm curious when we started using "fishing poles" (new euphemism?) to catch horses drowning in water.
I think No. 3 may be intended to be pliers. Sad but true.
I definitely agree that red mess is supposed to be a grill....and that green and white mess is trying to represent a golf course....and the grey and yellow mess is a pair of pliers. The basketball looking thing is a bad attempt at a 3D baseball cap........and I don't have a clue about that weird blue thing at the top. But those skeleton hands????? The horror!
The mysterious red CCC is obviously a headless firebending Canadian mountie with a broken foot. I'm just not sure what that has to do with Father's Day. Maybe the baker has been drinking too much beer on the job, eh?
The Ballad of Cake Wrecks (Sung to “The Ballad of Gilligan’s Island”)
Just sit right back and you’ll read a tale
A tale of some wrecky cakes
That might have never been exposed
But for Jen and John Yates
The first shows a lovely sentiment
All frosted up in blue
I have no clue what it could be
And neither do you, neither do you
The guessing’s starting to get rough
I must admit I’m lost
I’m going to say it’s “Spaceship Earth”
That thing’s so hard to frost!
Here’s what I guessed when I stared hard at the rest for a little while
Bacterium?
Looks chipper, too!
For handymen and their wives
A movie scene?
Horse’s head in a mermaid bed?
(Yeah, that one took a while…)
The next is a sea anemone
If you’ve been keeping score
Or maybe a horta in a hat?
Don’t wanna guess anymore
This green and white one’s pretty clear
On that I can attest
A happy penicillin spore
And his streptococcal guest
Those bones, so bright, I see no scars
Metacarpal mystery
Why would you put them on cake?
It’s just not clear to me
So join us here most days, my friends
And ponder cakes a while
Whether they’re bad or just bizarre
They’re sure to make you smile
This is fun! My guesses (though some are like previous posters.)
1. This is a drum, as in fife and drum. With stabilizers. Because drums need them.
2. I get it. Hat's off. As in, it's off the cake. Not there. No hat.
3. It's the left-handed monkey wrench you've heard so much about.
4. Fish have lips?
5. This is a fat sports car, driving away. Or a barbecue grill. Or a barbecar. Just eat the cupcakes.
6. I think it's really mini golf; and he's in the "Seasons" hole, playing his ball from "Winter" to "Spring."
7. Aw, that's a Daddy Budweiser Crown and a baby Budweiser Crown. Get 'em started early, I say.
Viiriainen was the only one who mentioned what I thought you were referring to with the fishing "rod", Jen. Its unfortunate shape and um, yeah, the white stuff - ew.
And I think the "fish" has a pony head.
The first one, especially with the commentary, looks like a bridge. Love the "if you laugh, you'll totally ruin it".
Thanks, Naomi, for explaining the grill. I can totally .. um.. see.. it?
Hat's off (hats off, shouldn't it be? Everyone's hats are off, not just mine?) looks like Dad is bald and you covered him in blue ribbon?
I think the first one is supposed to be a graduation diploma with a Father's Day message instead of a graduation message.
I vote with the other posters that the awareness ribbon = mangled pliers. Given how my son treats my tools, that is kind of how they look after he is done with them.
The mystery red blob is indeed a mystery. We need the baker to enlighten us. As with a small child's lumpy drawing, we can ask "What a beautiful cake! Please tell me about it!".
Sharyn- yet another winner!
Monty Python FTW! Comments- FTW
Happy Falker Satherhood!
horse's head in a mermaid bed! HA! Great, Sharyn.
The 5th cake is a grill with flaming hamburgers flying off.
@Sharyn - "His streptococcal guest" (stupendous phrase, by the way) sounds like a euphemism… unless it is used in a promo for the Germy Springer Show!
@SuBee - So are you going to follow that up with a rendition of "Scary Blue Corvette" by the Wreckerator formerly known as Baker?
The green and white thing is a snail, of course.
I'm pretty sure the third one was a poorly-executed pair of pliers, but I want "Support Your Local Handyman" to be a thing too. Heh heh, "corporate tools." Priceless.
Sharyn bwahahaha
I AM a witch. (or a watch. whatever) my boyfriend wishes I weighed the same as a duck, and quite frankly, I don't know WTF that is. But I'll turn you into a newt if you would like. (you'll get better)
#1 is a pedestal, I think, maybe. You know, the kind of thing up on which you put a beloved father.
Oh, Jen! Thank you! I don't have anything to say about the wrecks at this moment and I haven't even read the comments yet. Just thank you for a very funny post.
I went back and read last night's comments. Finding out KarateLady and Theardare are teaming up, that Theardare is posting from within the blog and that scary noise coming from the bunker basement...I was freaked right out.
If today's post wasn't funny (if it was about creepy dead alien babies or something), I had planned on re-reading the Sunday Sweets post. Lindsay and Blake were very funny and those baby Avengers were adorable.
Okay, I think I can go back and read the comments now. I've stopped shaking.
*critter noises* What was that?! AAAAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhh.......... *thump*
=^.^=
I think the first shape is a pedestal.
I know what all of these are (or will be, shortly): heavily discounted.
#1 I've turned every which way looking at this (within reason), with no result. The wreckorator obviously had something specific in mind, but I can't get past the CCC factor. Patooie.
#2 A bicycle helmet for people who aren't really that concerned about safety? [The] hat is off to Dad.
#3 An awareness ribbon works for me, though I keep trying to see a horse collar, too. There ought to be an 'awareness-of-what-you-are-doing' ribbon for wreckorators.
#4 Adding the 'fishing pole' after "Happy Fathar's Day" shows planning and stuff. Along with all the other, er, touches to make sure no one misses the reference. The customer wanted a seahorse included, because the daddy seahorse is the one who gives 'birth' and that says something completely incomprehensible about dads in general. Only the wreckorator has never seen a seahorse and so went all literal on us.
#5 At first, I was thrown off by the Python reference. So I set that aside and eventually came up with a tuque with some sort of appendages, eh. Then I thought that using tomato paste to frost a cake -- even a CCC -- is a really bizarre idea. Then I thought, 'patooie' because I saw the cupcakes. Finally, I recognized the manager's misplaced optimism.
#6 I have to admit that I saw the golf course right off. The Fail Whale took longer. Oh, and 'patooie'.
#7 Five fingers and no thumb. Five really long fingers and no thumb. And no knuckles, just in case it wasn't already creepy enough. ET, phone home -- your Dad deserves a call.
The fishing one is a sea horse! Get it? A horse in the sea!
As many have said, I believe the first cake is intended to be a drum, though I don't quite understand the connection to Father's Day, and I note there are no drumsticks. Perhaps the baker felt Dad would be in an excessively good mood, perhaps artificially induced (if you know what I mean--wink, wink) and was going to play it with his hands, bongo-style.
What I can't believe no one has mentioned, perhaps in their horror at the skeleton-y fingers, is that in the last cake, the "handprints" have no thumbs. Never fool around with band saws, even if you want to be "just like Daddy." Daddy's still working off the Budweisers from the bongos.
I think the skeleton hands are a posthumous Father's Day cake... either that, or the zombies got 'em.
Honorific zombies... as versus horrific zombies... horrific cakewrecks...
Can we send them all to Gilligan's Isle so mankind will never see them again?
Is the "grill" a "Manager's Special" because he/she already sampled a couple of the cupcakes? On the bottom left, it certainly looks as if some had been pulled off already. Hmmm...
Sharyn: LOVED it!!
Jen: I will say "stop corporate tools" every opportunity I can! :-)
Why is there an apostrophe in "Hat's"? Unless, of course, Hat is going to Dad's house for Father's Day. But then it should say "Hat's off to Dad's"
I agree, #5 is supposed to be a grill. I think the orange and yellow thingies are supposed to be flames. The one wheel rolled off (you can see it, the side of the wheel's frosting is messed up -- just like the rest of it).
And why does Dad rate only a CCC or a giant cookie, and not a cake? Poor Dad!
This is my first father's day without my Dad as he passed last October, but thanks so much for the laugh-til-I-cried wrecks!! They made my day! :-D
I'm fairly sure the mystery red and brown thing is supposed to be a tool belt. It would only work if your dad is a mutant of some sort, but I do believe that's it.