"Guest" "Post"
February 27, 2012 One of the joys/perils of writing a semi-popular website is the steady stream of unsolicited offers - often from questionable sources - to write guest posts.
Usually they go something like this:
"Dear Site Owner ,
I am a writer of excessive fame and sexual prowess who often takes pity on quaint sites like your own because I am also a fan. I especially enjoyed [insert yesterday's post title here], and found it quite informational.
For our mutual benefit, I am prepared to write a guest post for your site, provided you place my 150 by 120 ad in your sidebar, link to my LinkedIn profile, and tattoo my middle name inside a giant heart on your ass.
Please let me know how soon this can be arranged.
Signed,
IHaveAPillForThat
So just for kicks and giggles (and because we're all suffering from Oscar hangovers anyway) I figured I'd take this guy up on his offer. Today's post is the result.
"Enjoy."
;)
GUEST POST BROUGHT TO YOU BY SexyWeightLossBeautyAcneMiracleCream.com! CLICK IT CLICK IT CLICK IT NOW.
Cake is a form of bread or bread-like food. In its modern forms, it is typically a sweet and enriched baked dessert. In its oldest forms, cakes were normally fried breads or cheesecakes, and normally had a disk shape.
;)
Determining whether a given food should be classified as bread, cake, or pastry can be difficult.
[photo]
;)
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Wreck was an indie rock band formed in Milwaukee, Wisconsin in 1988, and later based in Chicago. After releasing three albums the band split up in the mid-1990s, with singer/guitarist Dean Schlabowske going on to join The Waco Brothers.
;)
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Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Fusce sit amet ligula ut lacus rutrum vulputate sed non enim. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Sed pellentesque odio vitae lorem malesuada convallis. Suspendisse varius metus ut arcu scelerisque interdum. Morbi ut scelerisque nibh. Duis nulla purus, adipiscing non rhoncus a, consequat in dolor. Praesent luctus, urna vel congue tincidunt, elit ante vulputate metus, nec sagittis sem orci at sem.
;)
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Using an electric mixer, in a large bowl, beat butter with 1 cup sugar until light and fluffy. Add eggs and yolks, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add vanilla; beat until combined.
Alternately add flour mixture and milk, beginning and ending with flour mixture; beat just until combined. Divide batter between prepared pans.
;)
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Reader Comments (64)
Ahahaha I love the links you provided-very appropriate
I guess I should just admit it. I will click on anything.
For my next birthday I am going to demand a large sheet cake covered in lorem ipsum filler text.
And a Choo Choo.
I wish we could +1 or Like comments. SuBee's made me laugh out loud.
That said, as much as I laughed at today's post, I much more prefer commentary about the cakes. Now you have to repost these and make snarky remarks about them. *nods*
A new arm for Deb
Lorem ipsum filler text
means more cake for me.
Wow. I have the incredible urge to refinance my mortgage, find lost love ones and get a male enhancement (which will be awkward, given my distressing lack of a Y chromosome.) Just give me a minute to recover from all the sexual energy oozing (unfortunate choice of words) from today's post.
Kono keki wa, totemo oishii desu.
OK, now I'm going to go back and actually look at the cakes--I spent most of the post clicking on links and laughing hysterically at the commentary.
Are those real pebbles on Deb's cake? O.O
I don't suffer from hair loss but surely everyone suffers from poor performance. I mean my souffle didn't even rise yesterday. Thanks so much for letting me click through to all these useful offers!
You had me at "lorem ipsum."
Quid non amare?
Ubi est mea mensa?
Dico, ubi est?
@Sharyn, hai, hai!
All I know is that guest posts are funnier when I take my "Guest Posts Are Funnier" pill!
I FEEL FANTASTIC!!!
All that's missing is the offer to split an inheritence by the widow of a very important Nigerian diplomat!
"Guest" "Poster" -- don't quit your day job
No "Flat Stomach" ads? You have plenty of hideously ugly belly cakes.
Awesome share man you have written it very well.
[Editor's note- Wow, Home. Can I call you Home? I wasn't expecting a real spam comment this early on today's post. Especially today's post. It's almost poetic. Sorry about your deleted links. :) -john]
@Haiku Joy: Well, hello to you, too. ;) (Honto ni.) Now, please forgive me for stumbling down the path you tread so adroitly, but this popped into my head. Refrigerator.
Male enhancement drug
Guaranteed you'll thrill ladies
Yes, we take Visa
You... are .... so..... CRAZY!!! :)
Laughing so hard I'm about to pee! Hysterical!
Couldn't help myself your Lorum Ipsum in google translator
Welcome to Monday, to cancel reply. How is your work, but not for more Information. She is the mountains, with my comrades on investigating and resolving security issues. But here's hatred | Terms and Conditions to grow strong. We fear that the various times I bow. He remembered that there's more. We no pure, your not from here, according to reason with sorrow. The grief, more or reply here, here, before your fears, no more arrows at you.
Hella funny post today.. thanks as always for the smiles.
I get these generous offers all the time.
Bless their hearts.
LOL
Literally Illegal....that is such a questionable selling pitch.
So I read this, and I read all of the links to other CW posts, and then I had to go back and read the post again. Is there a hidden message in the Latin gobblydygook?
Oh my. ala George Takei.
Did you know that babelfish won't translate Latin? Just because it's dead. So unfair. I mention this because Ihave to click on everything. And laugh uncontrollably when I do.
Those cakes are so dead. Ergo - they don't translate, either.
And my husband said "I like these people!" Meaning Jen and John.
It's official, Jen. You have the crownring and Birdman seal of approval!
You omitted those pidgeon English pleas for money from your best friend caught in an English hotel, her purse and all id stolen. Any one of the cakes today could be representative of that.
*clap clap clap*
Color me impressed with just the sheer amount of time it had to take to do all the linking. You deserve a standing O.
Ahahaha this was hilarious! I loved your (very appropriate) use of quotation marks.
Very funny - I clicked, laughed and forgot to look at the cakes. Then I laughed again...
I'm sorry, this post made absolutely no sense. There is a difference between nonsense and no sense.
This post completely lost me!
I'm actually too scared to click on ANY of those links... O_O
Fabulous! Absolutely loved today's 'guest' post, Jen. Totally hilarious and great as always.
(standing) Bravo! Bravo! Encore! This is soooooooo funny! You have outdone yourself! But the funniest line of all: "a semi-popular website..."
@ Sharyn
You just made me homesick. And I love reading other people's haikus here! It makes me happy when people play along with me.
My Latin professor Senex would gently chide me for using such simplistic Latin (even all these years after I limped through the classes), but I'm just glad to keep the syllable count!
This is the one and only time I will ever click a link that says "Click Here". Additionally, I felt this was the only time I could safely trust that it would go somewhere good :) Loved this post.
You win! If there is any competition for funniest blog ever, you have taken the cake (ha ha ha). Really, there should be an comedy award just for this blog. It's incredible.
Guest posters are wise in the ways of pills ... free useful pills for us all today NOW!
I wish I could swear at your horrible cakes! It's cake tyranny!!
That's four exclamation points ... my work here is done.
Applause -- Applause -- Applause! You nailed the ?genre?! Can we call that a genre? I'm not sure.
But if so, you did it. There must be a science fiction novel in this genre somewhere. You're on the way to becoming Neal Stephenson with this one (if he can use franchises to create _Snowcrash_...).
ps. I re-read this three times for spelling errors before I posted. You scare me.
I get all my blog posts on Google Reader, for a few moments I thought I was reading the Bloggess! I seriously had to look about 3 times to make sure I wasn't.
Oh. My.
This was absolutely hilarious. I get those spam comments and emails all the time - they always make me think of the Red vs Blue: Real Life vs The Internet video.
"Pardon me sir, but I am Nigerian royalty. Please ignore the fact that I can't spell Nigeria. Or Royalty."
Ha - frickken- larious! I much prefer the cakey commentary, but the advertising was interesting as well....
Best Blog Ever! The pills were fun, but the latin was fantastic!
Thanks! I needed a good laugh today!
Just be glad your guest post writer didn't fill your blog with cat photos or photos of cat cakes. :-)
Sounds like you need your own version of Wil Wheaton collating papers...
Marilyn's head is a little small, but the Fly Sail Choo Choo cake was so neat and tidy!
Hey! My initials are RS! I hope someone's about to surprise me with a "your initials on a bloody baseball" cake! (fingers crossed)
For earn 1000 extra point sign up freinds and relative! for Cake wRekcs s. !!! Extra entry in mothnly sweepsteks drawing for MArilyn Buttercream cake!!! For each one signs up for CakE Wrocks!! **
**(Some conditions apply) (Participation offer reguired) ( employees of (any) bakery not allowed)
And I will print your business cards, too!
Can we talk about the orange spray-tanned, toilet tissue wearing, dude in a blonde wig with stick arms and thick ankles standing on a milk crate? Oh, no, wait- we shouldn't talk about it- now, I get it!!
Wreck on!