The Presidential Pastry Debate
October 4, 2012 Below is an excerpt from last night's debate between current cake commissioner Rex M. Mall and his challenger, Ida Eatondat.
Mall: "Ladies and gentlemen, my opponent would have you believe she's rooting for the common baker, but I tell you the word 'congratulations' isn't even in her vocabulary.
;)
"And she's also terrible with apostrophes."
Eatondat: "Don't let Mr. Mall distract you with hearsay, my friends. We all know he's in the pocket of Big Frosting."
;)
"In fact, my recent investigation has proven that his new line of 'iced shakes' are, in fact, solid Buttercream icing."
Mall: "Hey, at least my product is edible. How long did you work for the Plastic Flotsam Corporation, again, Ida?"
;)
Eatondat: "That was years ago! I was young! And most customers knew not to eat the plastic! Plus technically I was never convicted."
Moderator: "Yes, let's try to keep it civil, candidates, plea..."
Mall: "Oh yeah? Well, SHE EATS BABIES!"
;)
Eatondat: "Only half of one! And just at that one shower! Besides... uh... [pointing at Mall] HE MAKES CUPCAKE CAKES!"
;)
[audible gasps from the audience]
Eatondat: "That's right, LOTS of cupcake cakes! With airbrushing! And curly ribbon! And this one is supposed to be a guitar!"
;)
[several audience members faint]
Moderator: "Do you have anything to say for yourself, Mr. Mall?"
Mall: "Yes. I'm Batman."
;)
Moderator: "That says you're the 6th Jeffery."
Mall: "DO NOT QUESTION THE BATMAN."
Thanks to Janet P., Candice H., Gabby G., Marianne W., Autumn R., Ed H., & Anony S., who only wish last night's debate had been this entertaining.
Reader Comments (55)
The neck of that "guitar" is looking at me, and it's not happy!
Wow, that's some mouth on Batman.
Sung to the chorus of “Torn Between Two Lovers”
Torn between two bakers
Feeling like a fool
Although both of you break all the spelling rules
One likes cups of frosting
The other flotsam tools
But eating babies is breaking all the rules
Cupcake cakes with black spots
What a thing to do
I don't like airbrushed guitars with pallid swirls of poo
This is such a hard choice
Don’t know what to do
I’ll choose 6th Jeff
Who thinks he’s Batman, too.
Who's idea was the snot-colored icing?
Looks like they wrote on the first one with brown mustard...yuck!
Are they seriously selling cups of hard buttercreme icing in colours that foul? And actually charging for it? *gag* Nope sorry, I can't get my head round it *vomit*
Team Frosting! Go Mr. Mall!!!!!!
Jasini, it's probably Nickelodeon slime, not snot.
It's an... interesting... way to sell pre-colored icing. I hope no one's eating it straight, though.
It really would be nice if there were a candidate that didn't make you feel unclean for voting for them. But what principled individual would want to run for office, especially at the national level?
As much as I like frosting, i'd have to be in a real bad spot mentally to eat a cup of it D: Sharyn hehehehe. Politicians DX
"yes, I'M BATMAN!" Jen your nerdyness shows ^-^ BATMAN WINS!!!!!
The 6th Jeffrey....is that like being the 11th Doctor?
Frosting> I've seen frosting sold like that, and then containers of plain sugar cookies. I'm guessing the frosting is for that. Although, seeing it all at once gives me that "sugar overload" gag in the back of my throat.
Is there even any cake or frosting under that toy in pic 3?! I'm having a hard time seeing anything
As someone who used to work in a bakery, I think the cups of frosting are a good, if misguided and poorly executed, idea. You get all sorts of requests for supplies because people want to make their own cakes (and who can blame them), but want to use the "professional" supplies. Ditto with the DecoPac-type toys in the container. I'm sure they sell a bunch of those.
I really wish I was handier with the cross stitch because I would really like a sampler that says "Do not question the Batman"
Rex M. Mall and Ida Eatondat. I love you, Jen. Thank you for the daily smiles. I am voting for the independent, Hasno Spelchick.
Cups FULL of buttercream..... mmmmm. I could lock the door, pull the shades, and spoonfeed myself into a sugar-shortening coma.
Buttercream in a cup? Well, Duncan Hines is sold next to the cake mixes so umm... nope! It still doesn't make sense to me.
OH WAIT!!! Maybe the wreckerators are tired of seeing their "masterpieces" on CW so they're throwning down the gauntlet 'er... piping bag and saying "Lets see you do better! Oh, and make sure you spell Congradu... ummm... Conguau...uhh.. GREAT JOB! correctly. And don't forget to properly place' you're puncuation"s" or some'one might send it to Jen" (see what I did there?)
Yeah, that theory works for me.
@Sharyn ~ awesome as usual! Thanks for the giggles
(Swirling imaginary cape around shoulders)... TO THE BAT-CAVE!!!!
I wish I could use that line, but "DO NOT QUESTION THE ANDREA" just doesn't have the same feel. I'm gonna have to try it out anyway. If nothing else, I can use, "DO NOT QUESTION THE MOM!" on my kids.
Seriously, people, I think Sam was locked in a cage with Lucifer for no reason, because CLEARLY wer are living in the Apocolypse! Whole cups of frosting? Toys instead of a "Cake Square"? Actually, unless you tell me there was a whole table of these toys, I'm convinced little Timmy, having been taught not to steal, exchanged his toy for the cake square in the box.
Batman looks like he's getting one of those UV teeth-whitening treatments.
Happy birthday to the 6th Jeffrey.
Jessica recently posted, Inanimate Objects Sometimes Attack Me.
I'm also bothered by the fact that the "leaves" on the "strawberry" are on the wrong end.
6th Jeffery makes me think... "the 6th of his name, Lord of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the first men"
Those are curly candles on the guitar CCC, not ribbons. /Epcot
Actually, I'm pretty much down with the icing-in-cups and flotsam-in-a-box idea -- I can decorate better than all of these doofuses with my eyes closed, and it would be pretty awesome to be able to grab a blank frosted cake and make it look halfway decent on the way to a ball game or something (terminal team mom speaking here). But holy schnikies, Tommy -- $3.99 for a cup of it? *faints dead away*
My past colors this opinion, I'm sure -- we'd ordered a cake for a colleague years ago (I had just gotten back in town and didn't have time to bake) -- when we arrived to pick it up, the "decorator" (see what I did there?) had been out sick for a few days and so nobody had iced the cake.
No problem -- 8:30 in the morning, I whipped off the jacket of my suit, told the bakery manager to grab the icing bags out of the walk-in and a bucket of candles, and I decorated that danged cake in a skirt and heels. I did at least get it for half price (and the manager let slip that I did a better job than their "decorator" anyway)
I had to zoom in on that picture of those icing shakes before I could tell that the labels said "light n fluffy icing" instead of "light N turkey king."
@ Jamie...what are you talking about??? It is clearly an inverted triangle of a watermelon slice!
@ Jamie - I noticed the same thing! It took me a few seconds to determine which fruit it was - watermelon or strawberry. I went with genetically modified straberry.
That third cake is just a new take on the Transformers. It's a fighting robot that transforms into a Cake Square!
Best political debate EVER!
Congrualation High School. That's certainly hard to work into a football cheer. Congrualation's High School Class of 2012. Then again, the classic "Give me a C!" chant could take up the entire quarter, allowing the cheerleaders more time to focus on their studies instead of learning new cheers.
That Batman is from a home cake pan set! I have that very thing in my apartment RIGHT NOW! My grandma was huge on making cakes and when we were cleaning out her pans we found a Batman/Superman set from when my aunt was growing up! They opted to make their own face instead of using the plastic one that came with it, but WOW! So weird that I just got that pan 2 weeks ago and it was used on a cake here! I'll send in some pics!
Nothing on this site has made me nauseous until the frosting filled milk shake cups. That's just too icky to think about.
I can assure you Mr. Mall, you are no Batman or The Batman.
OMGOSH. So much better than the debate last night. lol ;D If only life was so simple as nasty, 4 week old buttercream frosting piled into dejected slushie cups! :D You guys are always so on top of things and timely! :D Thanks for the laugh(s)... ;D
I would totally buy that cup of icing. That is my favorite part of the cake. Yum!
ahhh this was the funniest one yet, in my opinion...The Plastic Flotsam Corporation sounds like it should have been included in The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy...thank you so much for the embarassingly loud laughs at the end of the work day, love it
Oh, and the voices wanted me to mention: The color of the piped letters on that first cake is... Um... Well... Uh... *BLARGH*
It appears this '6th Jeffery' is also capable of reincarnation. But I'll take the 6th Doctor.
I vote that Sharyn gets her own regular paid column on Cakewrecks, even if the payment is only a cup of frosting, she's awesome!!!
since when are babies' feet rectangular?
I buy frosting at the grocery store bakeries and color it myself. They charge a lot but if you're doing decorating it's a better quality than making your own- all those chemicals and stabilizers really work at keeping your decor in place and tidy.
If it's just for family and friends without a lot of decorating- I make my own.
I want to be MY Darth Batman
When the world gives you a Jeffrey, you're supposed to stroke the furry walls. So when you get to your 6th Jeffrey, does Batman come with it? Or do you need Batman to rescue you from all those Jeffreys?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1226229/quotes
{whimpering} But it's NOT "butter"cream or it would be in the refrigerator. It's colored and highly sweetened hydrogenated vegetable shortening and it does not even melt in one's mouth. I'd rather eat the plastic thingies.
I don't think any of of the candidates' healthcare provisions would cover what happens in your body if you tried to eat all that. . . . .
Lol 6th Jeffrey.. what happened to the other five of them? Did they get a Batman cake too? Or a graduation cake with grey poupon on it? Ugh that icing did look like mustard.
I am with Melissa. I'd totally buy the cup o buttercream icing and I am not ashamed to admit it. :D
I don't see the problem with he first cake; it's clearly meant for the twelve-foot class of Mr. Congrualation.
I will admit, I have purchased icing from the local Mega Mart's bakery. I was at least 1000 miles from home decorating a pre frosted cake for my sis-in-law's wedding.
Wasn't the 6th Jeffrey mentioned in a Bill Cosby stand up routine? The one about a kid on an airplane? I have no idea what made me think of that.
I'm sorry Mr. Mall, but Abed is Batman now.
This was a great way to end the work week btw:)
Sweet Jebus! Picture #2 is my idea of heaven. Why oh why am I never lucky enough to find such a treat at any of my local bakeries? I fully believe that cake is really just an icing-delivery-vehicle. And when I don't have to pay extra for the cake....