A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.
Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)
October 29, 2012 My cupcakes have a sperm theme
;)
Just look, see, there they are!
My sheet cake teems with swimmers
;)
They're leaving mental scars.
Oh we see these wrecks here every day
;)
And if you ask me why I'll saaaaayyy...
'Cause Wreckerators have a way
;)
with piping human DNA.
;)
Thanks to Valerie A., Angel K., Stacey, Suzy W., and Caitlin W. for sowing the seeds of this post.
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Reader Comments (47)
The multi-colour fertility cake is missing an important hue. Perhaps the wreckorator doesn't know:
"Red wigglers, the Cadillac of sperm!"
(Or maybe the red ones just went on ahead.)
It took me half the post to figure out the song, but once I figured that out, it fit perfectly. The last line is the touchdown! I love that you're one of the writers now, Sharyn! You deserve it!
Sharyn, stuck in the middle of the hurricane-thanks for the laughs XD
Sowing the seeds of love, indeed.
Each giant green sperm
gets a whole egg to itself.
Bedeviled, of course.
I find the last cake particularly scintillating as it appears to portray the very moment when the eggs (white, with yolks, yet!) are pierced by the little green sperm. It's very "Mutual of Omaha Wild KIngdom!"
To be fair, if the "19" cake is for a guy, it's kind of appropriate. Otherwise.... bleeehhhh <shudder>
Great job as usual, Sharyn, although I'll probably have to explain the song to my kids and receive the, "Wow, mom, you're OLD!" comments. :-)
Ok, now I will have that ear worm all day and will never be able to sing the song correctly again. Now, that last one was just bad because those swimmers and ovum appear to be deliberate... What would possess a person to order a cake like that and serve it to a group?????
It's sick.
It's twisted.
It's the latest series of Wrecks!
It's time to go back to bed and have nightmares.
Three things stand out for me here:
1) Most of these you can tell are just badly executed balloons that unfortunately look like something else, but in the "19" cake, what were they going for;
2) On the "Feliz Cumpleanos" cake, I get that the "balloons" are yellow and the "strings" are green, but why the red dots? Just didn't have enough color?
3) On Richard's cake, why does he have three pink candles and one white candle? Did the baker run out or was this a conscious choice and if so, why?
I feel that, in this case, some plastic flotsam balloons would not be remiss. :-/
I think this may be the first time we've seen the fertilization theme
apparently all these cakes were made by bakers in the navy -- they bear the mark of seamen....
@ Sharyn: looks like you've joined the team -- congrats!
@ all the commentors in the path of the storm: be safe and be well....
COFFEE SPEW!!!!!!
My monitor hates you now.
Well, for things that are supposed to look like balloons: WHY???
The third one looks like some strange breasts with pasties. The last one, a very graphic display of the moment of fertilization.
But that second one: What ARE those things?!?
I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Bravo Sharyn!! Nicely done!
Slightly disappointing that only a couple of them actually looked like sperm. There's innuendo in everything if you look hard enough, and it's only funny if you can see it without having to squint and want it to be there.
There's a memory lurking in my brain... something about "Doctor Meyer has a way / Of replicating DNA". It might be from the radio comedy show some of my friends did, probably when Dolly the cloned sheep was in the news.
I don't think we did the obvious follow-up: "I wish I was Doctor Meyer's weiner..."
@mel and @Jen: Thanks! (It's so much fun...)
@mindy1 (and everyone else in Sandy's path): Stay safe, and good luck riding out the storm.
Sharyn, that was fantastic!
Richard's cake looks a little like blue boobies with tassels.
Great job, Sharyn!!
@HaikuJoy: Bedeviled, indeed!
Wow, I'm stuck inside due to the hurricane, and now I've got a huge desire to go make a hurricane baby! Or eat some cold cuts.
Swimmers. How appropriate for those of us in Hurricane Sandy's path. Thanks for the smile.
What does the last cake say?!?
Love it! :D
@anon:
The last cake says "Feliz Cumpleanos Mateo". It's a Spanish birthday cake for someone named Mateo. I really hope he just thought those were odd balloons on his cake.
"with piping human DNA"
ROTFL!!!!!! Ah, Sharyn. What a gift you have.
@haikujoy -- bravo
@mel -- hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
Stay dry and safe, everyone
I agree with Tiffany. These cakes provide the best argument for the inclusion of plastic flotsam balloons that I have ever seen. What were they aiming for on the 19 cake though? I have no idea. If it was streamers or confetti, perhaps they should have used sprinkles.
Gonna have the oscar meyer song going through my head ALLLLLL DAY now, thanks a bunch ;)
@Anon - it's Spanish for "Happy Birthday, Matthew". The only reason I know this is my son Matthew has Hispanic friends :-)
All I can think is: "Evvvvvvery sperm is Sa-cred!"
It's disappointing that you'd criticize these artists' seminal works
I have a store near me that regularly makes what I call "rainbow sperm cake". I know they're supposed to be balloons but... I think they're where gay babies come from!
Joel, that sounds like something from Firesign Theater, the home of Dr. Science ("because he knows more than you do.")
Spermatozoa
proliferation in the
refrigerator.
Just.So.Deliciously.Wrong. tee hee
Richard's cake isn't sperm... it's exploding blue nipples. >__<
Great now I can never look at a balloon quite the same way ever again lmao. Ah well..there goes my love of cupcakes too for that matter. Boy if I see any of those cakes when I go shop I will just burst into laughter and probably be taken away by security. Lol it will be so worth it.
Okay, I'm totally lost and confused over the song. Ayudame por favor.
@ Haiku Joy: your second post is Just. Perfect. But I also hope you can top it! Limp wiggly balloons NEED restrained poetry to justify their (disturbingly frequent) appearances here..
Nineteen cake depicts not
a Petri dish of sperm, but
a pool of lugworms.
And yes, "lugworm" was a Word of the Day this semester, and possibly the grossest Word of the Day I have ever selected since I began Words of the Day 13 semesters ago. I never thought it would come in handy so soon after teaching it.
Sharyn, your skill with song parodies would make Weird Al Yankovic tip his hat to you! :-D
Ew. I just googled "lugworm".
I do not disguise the grossness of the lugworm community.
@L.B. it's an old commercial you can see here I hope! (Unless YouTube blocks your region or something)
The post was great ("piping human DNA" FTW!), but can I just say how delighted and amused I am that Haiku Joy has returned to us? :)