Thursday
Jul072011
Parental Payback
July 7, 2011 Parents, when it comes to planning your child's birthday party, prepare for a lot of whining, temper tantrums, and willful brattiness.
Plus your kids might be a pain, too.
Well, here's one way to exact a little revenge: your kids' birthday cake.
Can't sleep. Barney will eat me.
"To infinity! and killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill."Hey, whatever doesn't make your children soil themselves in panic-stricken terror only makes them stronger, right?
"Now, don't worry, kids; Elmo's more afraid of you than you are of him!
"Billy, would you like to do the honors? Let's start with a good clean stab through Elmo's eye. Go on."Oh, quit crying. Birthday boys *like* eating Muppet eyes! And just look at that face! Elmo wants you to eat him!"
Ok, granted, you'll be the one paying for their therapy sessions later, but in the meantime...
Spongebob No Pants is here to say hello, kids!Besides, sometimes there are added benefits:
I'm pretty sure your daughter will never ask for a pony again.Thanks to wreckporters Laurie H., Stephanie L., Kevin H., Fraulein M., & Jennifer S., who think I should totally write parenting books. (Working title: Odds Are, They'll Live.)
Reader Comments (110)
That's a pony!? I thought it was a female dinosaur.
Is it just me or does it look like that's blood on the neck of that horse?
Nothing like a bloody horse's head to say Happy Birthday!
After viewing these wrecks, I think I will have a little trouble sleeping. They all have a sinister look.
Jackie
Elmo's reaction is perfectly understandable - I mean people are coming after him with knives to DISSECT him (probably starting with his eyes) and he has nowhere to run. Who wouldn't look like that?
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday from the Corleones!
Happy Birthday to you.
I really need to remember not to drink coffee while reading this blog. I keep spitting coffee all over the keyboard!
Where's the evil clown cake?
That pony is a ccc!
My mother always told me to be sure and give my kids something to tell their therapist about when they grew up......
(That should be a joke but it's the Gods honest truth.)
My 5 year old said the last one looks like Chewbacca. LOL
The Spongebob cake must be from that X-rated bakery with the plastic half-lady in the window.
oh god... that "horse" cake ... it's like the godfather horse head crossed with t-rex from Jurassic Park!
-Alli
Every year for my birthday, I asked for a horse cake. Glad I never got that one!
WV: cuppla. You've posted a cuppla doozies today!
Of course that horse cake is reduced 40% -- 40% of the horse is missing....but still...an offer you can't refuse....
wv-deduc: (verb) to take away, as in, "Sure we can deduc 40% off that cake."
Dear lord! That Buzz Lightyear will haunt me till the end of days!
I'm 40 and I STILL ask for a pony for my birthday. But, not this one. Please! NOT this one!
Heather
Belated thanks, Mom, for making all my birthday cakes yourself.
I thought Buzz wasn't too bad. The martian guys behind him were cute. And, wrecky as it is, my toddler Mr. NoPants would appreciate the Spongebob one. Not that he'd be allowed to eat it, because I'm a buzzkill kind of mom.
Now if you'll excuse me, I suddenly feel like I need to go hug my horse.
That looks less like a pony and more like Frank the Bunny from "Donnie Darko".
Buzz Lighyear is pretty creepy looking! The sad thing is the alien guys (don't remember what they were called) look pretty good.
Hello Joe! That's my favorite simpson's episode!
Also I think the "pony" cake party sent home fish wrapped in bullet proof vests as party favors.
AUUUGGGHHHHH D:
I like that pony. Any time there's a reasonable solution to the pony request, it's a good thing, right?
Clearly Mr. No Pants got a peek at the cake that was removed from yesterday's post....
the buzz lightyear BODY is pretty god, and so is everything else. its just that FACE!
My 13 year old son says the last one looks like Chewie, too.
I am now too frightened to sleep. These cakes will haunt me. ;^)
My daughter's already terrified of the horse that eats children in the movie The Brothers Grimm - this cake would be the final nail in the coffin....
Heh heh...my friend's "working" parenting book is titled: How to Keep Your Children Alive.
WV: warce
I wish I could warce the images of those cakes off my brain.
Has Spongebob got a bone stuck through his err... ?
Spongebob looks like a brick of cheese (and not Swiss), with his privates covered with a bow.
and that evil pony head reminds me of the Godfather....especially with the red roses where the bloody part is!
warning, graphic:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZtyvlzVm7Y
OR
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzlsmSqSqXI&feature=related
Yup. his reaction is what these kids will do when they see these homicidal cakes.
Who wants ponies when you could get dinosaurs on their cakes!
Perhaps the last cake is for a Godfather fan to find in their bed *shudder*
Nope. I'm sorry, but Spongebob has definitely got a bone stuck through part of his anatomy. Why? I think we should be told.
I wish I could unsee that last photo. Yeesh!
How fitting that Psychotic Caffeine Buzz is followed by Terrified Elmo - that's about what my face looked liked when I scrolled down! Dear Lord, if you are that talented to make all the console panels and buttons on his suit, how much harder is it to make EYELIDS?
Then again, perhaps he's not jazzed up on caffeine after all. Perhaps it's a rendition of what happens to a human body in space when you remove your helmet.
That last one is most definitely the horse's head from The Godfather. I mean, just look at all the blood!
**shudder**
wv: norman - The name of the horse, a la the calf in City Slickers. "Norman, hello???"
My husband, upon seeing the last cake:
"Oh, that's a PONY. I thought it was a velociraptor at first."
Being torn apart
by wee squeaky-voiced monsters:
Elmo's Worst Nightmare
"Odds Are, They'll Live" is a brilliant title. My BFF and I decided that our guide to baby showers will be titled "somebody has to buy the rectal thermometer"
Great blog, as always!
WV: unplucks
It looks like Buzz likes to unplucks eyeballs from birthday boys when they're not looking.
I thought it was a dinosaur too! But, i don't see blood. I see a ring of supposed-to-be flowers ringing the "pony's" neck, sort of ending the cake with a flourish.
Can't unsee that Buzz, it will follow me in my dreams tonight...o.O
And i would have taken another color of flower..any color, for those flowers for the horse.
People remember: think, then decorate!
First: If the recipient were named Madeline, at least the color scheme would make more sense.
Last: Awww, it's My Little Dinosaur. Where is Darth Vader?
Or...
"You have asked for a pony for 1,000 days straight. That would be so practical, given that we live in a 5th story apartment in the middle of downtown. However, I decided to grant your wish. Pleasant...dreams?" [Mom sports Buzz Lightyear expression; child decides to save time by entering therapy the following day]
Sweet Maria! I though that was a severed Tauntaun head.
I audibly gasped when I saw the so-called horse. Way to get me busted at work, guys!
Oooh, where is iMom when we need her?
I can hear it now, "You wanted an Elmo, I got you an Elmo, so you need to eat it. There are starving children in China who just *wish* he could scare them too!"
^_^
I refuse to believe that last cake is not a dinosaur head. A decapitated dinosaur head.
At least it's on sale, so if you're going to scar your kids you can do it on the cheap.
I can only assume that the pony cake was inspired by both "Jurassic Park" and "The Godfather".
WV: knimul. This cake does not portray a knimul known to science.
LOL!!! Those are hilarious/awful! Love it!
and i thought that i was going to get rid of my insomia...