Bake a Cake, Diss A Vow
February 22, 2011 Words are a vital part of the wedding ceremony. With them you promise to love and cherish one another, declare your commitment publicly, and tell Uncle Randall to ease up on the Jägerbombs. Or at least stop dancing.
So, it's no wonder that some couples want to incorporate words on their wedding cake. And it's also no wonder - at least to me, heh - when those words spell disaster.
Or misspell it, as the case may be.
Note that the baker used the classic Wilton letter press
I'm told one or two of those words are misspelled, but frankly I was too distracted by the heaps of soggy seaweed to notice. Maybe that's the point?
No. Just...no.Jessica wanted the writing on her cake to match the font of their invitations, so she brought in this handy reference picture:
She also asked that the roses be made of icing.Drum roll, please!
I especially like the roses. Classy.
Give it a minute.Let it all sink in. Or line up. Or whatever.
Now, at first I thought the baker had stacked these in the wrong order, since it kind of looks like the top tier connects with the bottom one. When I saw the back, though, I realized:
I actually have no idea what is going on with this cake.And finally, a tip for all your wedding wreckage:
The uglier it is, the more you should emphasize the word "beautiful."
Perfect.
Reader Comments (106)
Is the icing on that last cake made of oatmeal?
I know these should make me laugh, but I'm close to tears thinking of the poor brides. They would have been better off with Little Debbie snack cakes.
In that last cake, why isn't the groom wearing any pants? Did they make the cake so awful so that we wouldn't notice?
I just don't understand how this could ever be possible. I'm not the type to become a bridezilla (I'd say most screwups would just make me laugh) but SERIOUSLY. If I got a cake like this, I would probably throw a ridiculous fit.
Oh my goodnezz -- er, goudanez -- um, goodness (yeah, that's it!), those are some wrecks.
On the last one, I love the juxtaposition of ugly cake, lovely thoughts, and a groom topper with no pants on, who appears to be hitchhiking. A fascinating mystery.
Is it my eyes, or does the third cake say two heads will become one?
Ray Milland and Rosie Greer, perhaps?
wv: potte.
I'd say what I really think of these cakes, but I don't have a potte-mouth.
Wow. Some serious wrecks here!
MY EYES!!!!!!! O_o
If you're looking for the groom's pants on that last cake, the bride is wearing them. Srsly.
Seaweed? I thought those were piles of piped poo.
After seeing the second (A&S) cake, I have a good idea for professional cake decorators (not wreckerators). Construct a dummy wedding cake out of plaster (or even wood craft boxes) and paint with high gloss white paint. Then make a replica of what the bride orders for advance approval. It would avoid the unpleasant green piping and spiders on an otherwise nice cake. Just pipe on the replica, get approval, take a photo, and wipe it off for the next bride.
Wow. That last one is made all the classier by having the topper couple show that the bride "wears the pants" in that relationship. Maybe the groom ordered the cake and it's her way of showing that this sort of nonsense will never happen again.
WV: sugeortm. I don't even have a clever sentence for it, I just thought it was a funny word.
On the last cake.. Why is that groom not wearing any pants?
@ Joellyn:
Thanks!
That explains why she's wearing what looks like a maternity pantsuit -- it's supposed to be a short wedding dress and his pants.
Also explains why he's gesturing.
And now I think it's an even stupider topper to be above that mutual-respect-expressing text.
A multi-level wreck.
I have two favorite parts to the last cake:
1) the emphasis on the word "that" (you know, because it is just as important as "trustworthy" and "beautiful")
2) the groom has no pants!
I thought the second cake had gangrene... :P
'For richer, for poo rer' - great spacing!
The couple might have picked the colors on the first one, and I thought the seaweed one was not that bad.
WV: exate - "I wrote your vows on your cake exately as you asked me to"
The image of two heads becoming one will give me nightmares for weeks.
wv:lastall The pain will "lastall" week.
Stupid, stupid topper on the last cake, ESPECIALLY with the writing... if you can call it writing. And I think the wreckerator underlined "beautiful" in a pathetic attempt to disguise the fact that she actually misspelled the word and had to rub it out (or in?) and start over.
I'm with SuBee. I feel for those poor brides. Hopefully they're looking back on these and laughing now.
Cake #1: I can almost hear the conversation that went on for the first cake...
"What are *you* doing??"
"I'm stamping out the letters so the cake looks nice, why?"
"OMG we don't have time for that!"
"But I've got the first row done already!"
"It's almost time to deliver the cake, hurry up and just pipe the letters!"
"OK, I'm done!"
"Oh for Pete's sake! You misspelled 'forward' and left out 'for worse'!"
"Well, you rushed me! Hopefully no one will notice!"
Cake #2: Let's see..[looking past the kelp]..on the first tier it looks like husband isn't quite right. I'm not sure if it's huband or husbad. Tomorrow is 'tommorrow'.
Cake #3: It's a little fuzzy...does that say "two *heads* become one"? Really?!
Cake #4: Wow, those piped roses look almost like real fake flowers! ;-)
Cake #5: The conversation went like this...
"What are *you* doing??"
"I'm writing the bride and groom's names on the cake, why?"
"Those aren't supposed to be separate cakes! They need to be stacked on top of each other!"
"Ohhhhhh, now you tell me! Hopefully no one will notice!"
And the conversation on the last cake...
"What are *you* doing?"
"I'm looking at the cake topper sweetums. Um, why doesn't the groom have any pants?"
"Because."
"OK, dear." muttering under his breath..."Hopefully, with that ugly cake, no one will notice."
The picture's blurry-- does Joe & Ashley's cake (#3) really say "Two heads become one"?
And what's going on with that last cake topper? The bride's wearing riding boots and the groom has no pants? Huh? Are they illustrating some role-playing game that I don't want to know about?
If I ever get married, I want that topper where the bride is wearing the pants!
Ellen, you made me choke on my coffee!
Ray Milland and Rosie Greer!!!!!!
Cake #4 looks like another case where someone brought a photo (clipped from a magazine) to the supermarket bakery and said, "Here's a $300 cake. Can you make it in an hour for $25?
WV: noggins. The customer wanted Cake #3 to read, "Two noggins become one."
lol
@ SuBee:
Yay, somebody got the reference!
Sorry about the coffee.
Alright, maybe they don't look that great, but I think that the "piles of seaweed" are mussels or clams chosen to go along with the sea green color scheme. I'm not sure why mussels are a good decoration for cakes, but I've never understood shell shaped chocolates either. The flavors just clash in my mind.
And there is nothing wrong with two heads becoming one! However, if, as they say, two heads are better than one, are two heads becoming one better than two heads not becoming one?:-)
Cake #5 is very figurative, you see, because it demonstrates the beautiful imagery of how marriage makes Ashl-hley and Laren-lare-laren become intertwined and interwoven in each others'...oh nevermind.
Snort, LOL...
Cake #1. I think it was meant to say: "To have and to hold – *WORD!*
Cake #3. "Two *heats* become one"–now that's more descriptive of the wedding night *snicker*
If you're gonna use a cake topper where the bride is wearing the pants, maybe the words on the cake shouldn't be so sweet. Just sayin'.
http://agirlinherkitchen.blogspot.com
I was told to check your blog out, as you "could be my sister" when comparing wit and humor. I wasn't disappointed.
Keri@GlamorousArmy
Oh, lovely! Seaweed! Daisies! Crooked layers! Bad lettering. Really, really, bad lettering. Pant-less groom! Cake covering writing!
Aaaahhhhhhh what a bunch of wrecks to enjoy the morning with! Thank you Jen and John!
Of course that first wreckerator had to dot every "I" -- even though the whole cake is upper case.
And is (stacked) Ashley's hubby named "Larence"? I'm doubtful.
BTW, I don't know Ashley, so I can't vouch for how stacked she is, actually.
The best part, by far, of the last cake is the classy groom on top...with no pants. Now that is what makes it perfect.
I like the last cake where they underlined "that" along with "trustworthy" and "beautiful." It's like they wanted us to make our own sentence out of those three words. Beautiful, that trustworthy! The 'hey' and 'is' are implied, respectively.
These aren't even funny! They're disgraceful and embarassing! Did any of these decorators honestly sit back and smile at their work and wonder how much the bride would love it? Shame on them!
On the last cake, with the pantless groom, I was thinking that his being pantless had something to do with the emphasis on the word trustworthy. Seriously, how can you do a cake with writing and then ruin it by underlining certain words (and making the underlining look random with 'that')?!?
It's the thought that counts, right?
Amazing how the words on that last one so don't match the cake topper (the bride is wearing the pants).
*snort, guffaw...*
Cake #1. I think it was supposed to be "To have and to hold to this day...WORD! ;-)
Cake #3. "Two HEATS become one"...prediction for the wedding night?
I think on the first one, the wreckerator got to to "poo" and had a laughing fit.
Cake #2 looked so much like a signed high school yearbook that no on could take it seriously.
Cake #3 has 2 heats becoming one.
Or 2 heads. Who really knows?
#4 and #5 are just puzzlingly pitiable.
But Cake #6? Blurg. the sentiment is the most vomitous I have seen in print since 7th grade. "That" is underlined for no earthly reason, and there is no redeeming feature in the decoration or the cake. I has got to be wreckerator's revenge for such a juvenile cake topper. how old were the bride and groom--14???
I like this blog...
I dunno...I keep thinking that last cake was INTENDED to be comical and look ridiculous...?
Best laugh of the day!
I'd be soooo mad...
I just found your site. This is fantastic. I <3 U!
Why is the Larena/Ashley (or whatever--lesbian couple, perhaps?) cake draped in black fabric? Is it for a funeral? Maybe poor Larena and Ashley died right before the ceremony and everyone figured, we paid for the food and the reception hall is booked. Why waste a party? It's a wake cake now, baby!
I also thought that one cake said "two heads become one." I guess it's for an intellectual couple who doesn't go for all that romance stuff, but there should be little brains piped on the cake, not hearts.
K, that seaweed cake is bugging me - I think I found "tommoorow" on the bottom tier to the left of Pisces, and "husbend" to the left of the date on the middle tier, but I'm skeptical of "begirring" to the right of Pisces.
WV: fiffr - the sound I made spitting out my tea when I noticed the bride was wearing the pants on that last cake's topper - classy.
"POORER" if you look quickly looks like POOPER or POO RER. Either way, a fail.
The seaweed cake...is the baker a haiku or e.e. cummings poet wannabe? how do you read that thing?
on crooked tier/sparkly silk roses cake, does it disturb anyone else that there's an expiration date for the love?
WHO are the people in the black ribbon cake? Ashley and Laren... something? Lorenzo? Lawrence? Lareina?
the last cake with the smudged beautiful, which is not beautiful. why underline "that"? and the fact that "trustworthy" is underlined and the topper has SHE wearing HIS pants makes me really wonder!
I guess they're trying to say the bride "wears the pants in the family." Way to rub it in.
These cakes are exactly why I am TERRIFIED of getting married in a year.
Though, if the worst thing to go wrong is the cake, I think we'll be ok. And I may be able to laugh about by the time the reception comes around, because, well, I'll hopefully feel like, "Who cares, I just married my best friend!"