Friday
Feb112011
Countdown to V-day
February 11, 2011 With Valentine's Day coming up, you might be wondering what to get your significant other for the occasion. Other than roses, chocolates, and cheap stuffed animals, I mean. Because, obviously, those are required. [stern face]
Well, fortunately for you, bakeries still have lots of sweet, romantic options tailor-made to fit your snuggly bun's personality to a "t." Check it out:
For the co-dependent:
When your boyfriend starts crying, you'll know it's only because he's so happy.For the stalker:
Quietly delivered when they least expect it.*Hidden recorder that plays your personal greeting available for an additional charge.
For the hopeless romantic:
You see plastic frogs and crumbling icing.She sees a chance to fix you.
For the one who wants something sexy:
With extra sprinkles for that really intimate experience.For the Class Act:
A temporary tattoo for a permanent affectation. "Which doesn't need a permanent tattoo, baby, 'cuz your love is a tattoo on my heart. You feel me? My heart. "Seriously, I'm not getting your name tattooed on my chest. So stop asking."
For the kid at heart:
Hey, it's only as disturbing as you let it be.[...]
Which, in my case, is pretty darn disturbing.
[sing-song] "Who wants to suck the icing off Barbie's leeee-eeg?"
Yup. Disturbing.
Reader Comments (113)
Is the stalker one a lamb or a goat or neither?
For the love of God Barbie, CLOSE YOUR LEGS!
OMG. That cake made my face hit the desk. ouch.
i have to say that barbie has come a long way since the 50's lmao
Just to be clear (and not facetious) {not on your blog!} the Barbie 'cake' is a birthday cake. The plastic strawberry bits say feliz cumpleanos which translates, 'Happy Birthday'. Which doesn't make it any easier to look at. Unless you're a teenage boy?
Where do you even GET an outfit like that for Barbie??!?!?
...Wait, nevermind. I don't want to know.
swhy does the stalker bear thing have testicles on the bottoms of his feet? am i the only one that sees it?? and the sexy barbie b-day cake-yikes!!!
I may have to throw out all my little girl's barbies. . .
note to self-do not check out CW while drinking morning coffee...off to find some paper towel to clean up my desk. The barbie cake is at fault here!
That last one--disturbing in itself, it "serves", what 15 people????
The strangely aggressive come-hither ccc with what are those between its ah, legs? Hmmm, swirly-iced suggestively places, ah spheres?
I always knew Barbie was a ho
The Barbie cake. Oh, dear holy personage of your choosing, why would you let someone do that to a poor, innocent Barbie . . . in that outfit? In that harlot-y see-through outfit? With matching fire engine red panties?
Wow, Barbie's sort of a tramp. Maybe she should be jumping out of the cake as opposed to sitting on it.
No, Barbie hasn't come that far since the 1950s. She was modeled after Bild Lilli, a German cartoon girl (it was an adult-oriented op-ed cartoon), and the dolls were originally sold as an adult novelty.
Still a squicky cake, though.
And still trying to figure out what that drippy orange thing with frogs is supposed to be.
Is that a Barbie, or is it an actual shot of Paris Hilton? I mean, it looks familiar somehow...let me take a look at it in night vision and I'll let you know. :)
Does the Barbie Cake say "Feliz Coupling"???? As in: Happy Effing??? It also looks like the heart between her legs says "Never". She looks like the Lara Croft doll from the movie "Grandma's Boy". If you've never seen it, you need to. Funniest Stoner Flick EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
Boob Nazi... Didn't know you were a Cake Wreckie too! Love you blog too :)
Yes, the Barbie is creepy. But doesn't it also rather look like she's on a bed of rice drizzled with soy sauce and dotted with cherry tomatoes?
That Barbie is asking for trouble! LOL Thanks for the laugh today!!
I expect all Valentine's Day gifts to follow this mantra....
Beast: I want to do something for her... but what?
Cogsworth: Well, there's the usual things: flowers... chocolates... promises you don't intend to keep...
I was just going to go with some red underware I got at Target but maybe cake would be better.
What IS that 3rd cake supposed to be... a pool of blood with frogs?
Oh, and about the bear-yes, I saw that, too.
And the first thing I thought of when I saw the Barbie cake was is she pregnant?- she looks like she's ready to push.. Then I realized she's not and reailzed she actually ready to.. well, the CAKE is ready to ... (can't bring myself to say it here)
This is disturbing and glad my daughter is well past that age.
'It's only disturbing as you want it to be?' WOW, that statement is as loaded as Barbie posing on that cake.
I shouldn't be surprised anymore. I shouldn't. But I always am.
Never underestimate a wreckerator.
--kate
P.S. Please let that Barbie "Feliz Cumpleanos" cake be a humorous, if dirty, present for a 21-year-old male, and not something for an innocent child. Please.
Barbie Porn Cake! It's about time.
WV: rizesup (not kidding)
Hmmm. You don't suppose the panties are made of fondant or anything, do you?
The sprinkles on the "sexy" cake made me think of some strange venereal disease.
I think I had an outfit like that for my Barbie (back in the day) but only Ken ever got to see her in it, not the whole world.
That's a whole new take on the Barbie Cake. I have to say I prefer the cake-and-icing dress to the see-through negligee.
Also, she looks like she's in birthing position...
Well technically that's not Barbie, just a cheap knock-off and I think the "heart" says Mark so I'm really hoping it's a man's joke b-day cake...
Ah, "the old ball and chain" illustrated in icing. Classy.
And, other than the "boom-chicka-wow-wow" music starting instantly in my head, the Barbie cake inspired the following:
1. I tried to see whose birthday is was, by looking at the heart pic between her legs (now there's a strange sentence!). It really looks like it might say . . . Mama.
No, please no!
2. The brownish stuff on the icing creates the feeling that she is on a rumpled, stained sheet.
Ew.
3. Cherries? As in losing one's?
Really, now.
That cake just gets more and more disturbing, the more one looks.
wv - quessi
I feel a bit quessi looking at that cake.
Or perhaps:
Barbie's younger fwiend, quessi, must be pwotected from seeing this, or her gwow-able hair will fall wight out!
Barbie looks like she's giving birth or something. What does that cake mean?
WV:midedleg-how frostbite victims refer to their appendages.
Am I the only one who can't figure out what the ball and chain is connected to?
Also wondering about the orange frosting coupled with...frogs?
The Barbie? Oh Mylanta, there are no words....
I'm not sure what this says about me, but the main thing I'm wondering about that Barbie cake is: how do you even get her legs to spread like that?
As I recall, Barbie's hip joints were not exactly proper ball-and-socket like real people, and could really only move forwards and backwards. So did her legs have get broken to pose like this, or what? Because that just adds a whole other layer of disturbing to that already intensely disturbing cake.
The Barbie cake looks likes it says, "Feliz Cumpleanos, Mama" which here in our parts means Happy Birthday, Mom. Ewww.....
The Barbie one is awesome! I'm a Pampered Chef consultant, and we recommend using our large batter bowl to make a Barbie (or princess or wedding or whatever!) doll cake, as the bowls are oven safe. My personal routine includes: "So, after the cake has cooled off and you've inverted it, take a clean Barbie and wrap her legs in plastic wrap, then insert her into the cake up to her waist and decorate! Does anyone know why we wrap Barbie's legs in plastic first?" Lots of answers are called out. I reply (either confirming or giving the correct answer) "Because its terribly uncomfortable to get frosting UP THERE" (pause for a moment, then lean forward and whisper) "Trust me"
Thanks for the daily laughs!
My hand flew to my face in shock at the Barbie cake. Oh. My. Gosh. Not only can you kinda see her boobs through the mesh top, but the open legs and splotchy patches of brown color on the frosting kinda makes me think she had an "accident."
*shivers of disgust*
I also loved the hopeless romantic cake and comment, "She wants to fix you" lol. Sadly I have more than one friend who probably wouldn't get that... (ie... cuz that's what they do.)
Awesome post! I can't do without my daily wreckage. :)
I'm going to have to have the image of that Barbie burned out of my brain. I'll send you the bill. **shudder**
Seriously, what have they done to barbie, I was uncomfortable looking at it. *snicking @ shuddering* who is gonna lick the icing of Barbie's leg. Barbies gone bananas!!!!
Have a great weekend CW's
I thought the Barbie cake had something to do with giving birth, from her positioning...til I read the greetings in Spanish..O Dear G~d No!!!!!
Barbie IS a 'ho! Sad, really....
Tearing out attention from the Barbie cake, did you mean "affectations" in the comment on the tattoo cake and I am missing something here, or should it be "affections"? Just asking.
I think the thing that disturbs me the most is that Barbie's boobs are naked under her little "whatever-that-seethrough-thing-is."
And nothing says Valentine's Day like frogs on an orange blob. ...
OK, the Barbie one... grossest cake ever. So, so, so inappropriate! (in a hilarious way, of course!)
The cake that Barbie is on looks like a Tres Leches cake. But it looks like it could be a cuatro leches cake at any moment! BOOYAH!
If Ken dolls are still made the way I recall, Nympho-Barbie is about to be fearfully diappointed
You know, I doubt anything I see on CW can ever truly traumatize me again after the gelatin baby shower cake...
And for some reason that Barbie cake looked like she was on a polar bear rug to me... Also, the ball and chain cake wreckerator needs a lesson in either anatomy, color blending, frosting art or all three because that "ankle" doesn't even remotely resemble one.
WV: Alial. "Barbie, put your legs together! Your alial is showing!"
Barbie looks like she is about to give birth on that cake. ummm..yuk!
I knew that Brbie wasn't faithful to Ken!!
Barbie just gives a whole new meaning to a countdown to "V-D" doesn't she? Wow. I wonder if Ken knows?
*staring in confusion*
[...]
*notice ball & chain*
ooooh, it's a FOOT!
that's better.
The only thing worse than viewing the Barbie Porn cake is reading some of the comments regarding it... now I need to go scrub my eyeballs AND my brain.
From Lee Anne: Is the Barbie cake a cake or perhaps a vat of rice pudding? I can't tell from the photo but the brown smudges could be cinnamon and, in that case, the cherries would make sense. (Although, in a sick way, the cherries still makes sense, ugh!). Way to strange for me, regardless.