Monday
Aug022010
Battle of the Beach
August 2, 2010 {We now return to your favourite underwater crime series, "Crab Cakes: Ocean Justice"}
{sobbing} "Help! Help!"
"Dr. Octopus is back! And his shenanigans are more evil than ever!"
"Mwuaah haa haa! You'll never stop me! I may have lost six legs in the last battle, but I'll never lose the power to DESTROY YOU!!"
"Stop right there, partner!"
"Nobody messes with the Sheriff of Crabtown."
Little did the Sheriff know, he was about to meet Doc Oct's gang of corrupt cephalopod cohorts straight from Squid Roe:
Mr. Blue...
"Dress sharp, kill clean."
The Twins...
{in unison} "We're adorable and ready to ink."
And Crazy Lou!
"WwwhhaaaLLAA OOOAaAaaHHhhH!"
Gulp.
""Don't worry, Sheriff. I, Professor Knowsitall, am writing up a sneaky plan to destroy the Evil Octopodes once and for all! First, we'll lead them down to the beach using cunning tactics."
"Ya know, to appear more intimidating."
"Now that's a pinch-hitter!"
(Oh, that's baseball? Whatever. No need to be crabby!)
""Don't worry, Sheriff. I, Professor Knowsitall, am writing up a sneaky plan to destroy the Evil Octopodes once and for all! First, we'll lead them down to the beach using cunning tactics."
"Then, we'll all stop shaving our armpits...
"Ya know, to appear more intimidating."
"Lastly, we'll disguise ourselves as footballs and hurl each other at them in an all-out ambush!"
"Now that's a pinch-hitter!"(Oh, that's baseball? Whatever. No need to be crabby!)
Stay tuned for our next episode where Crabtown gets hit with a tidal wave! Will the Sheriff make it out alive? What happened to little Jake? And who took all the suntan lotion? Rolling credits: Jessica, Mauri T., Laura F., Carrie S., Kristy S., Jessica H., Carolann, Gabrielle W., Naomi, Beth W., Amanda, and Megan C.
Note from Jen: I have to add that the second to last crab reminds me of my favorite poem: "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning." That is all.
Reader Comments (148)
I love the wreck reporters feet in number 2 and 4.
armpits? hey, I was eating yogurt and nuts for breakfast. was.
had to scroll down into the Sunday sweets to cleanse my eyes !
Hahahahaha!! Hilarious narration. Horrible wrecks, as usual. (Horrible as in so bad they are almost..... no, they're not.)
This was so funny, no need to wear my crabby pants today! Great commentary!
These wrecks are scarier than Shark Week! I wonder if you could wreck a cake so badly that even a bull shark wouldn't eat it. That may be a challenge to try!
I <3 Crazy Lou! He looks like he knows how to have a good time!
I couldn't even tell what the third one was supposed to be!
Missing six arms or not, I love the look of fiendish glee on the face of Dr. Octopus. I also love your story narrations like this!
Yet more proof that Cancer is the lamest astrological sign ... I'd like to see the other signs be as wrecky as these crabs XD
Roffles! Evil Crab is Evil! XD
Wow, things are ROUGH under water there. No one seems to have 8 tenticles anymore. They've all lost them in some horrible accident. I mean, all of those poor cephelopods!
Great story! Best part to me was "GULP"
Crazy Lou almost made me pee. With laughter of course. Cakes don't usually induce peeing on sight for me. That would be horribly awkward, because I visit your site daily. At work. And I teach.
Octopodes! Yes!
Hee hee - we get all kinds of crazy beach-related cakes here in FL. Awesome Vogon poetry reference, btw!
Dr. Octopus FTW! I want that cake for my birthday.
Awesome! Loved it! Thanks for the big laughs on a Monday morning! Crab-tastically great!
IMO, that Doc Oc cake is pretty terrific (if you don't mind the leg count and the odd leer)
Hilarious commentary as usual. :)
Crazy Lou will haunt me....just freaky.
Some of those were kind of cute in a non-professional cake kind of way. :) Also, I laughed at how the ocean airbrushing for the Twins' background was done AFTER the octupi/octopus/octopuses (?) were put on the cake, so they have weird colored tentacles.
All I have to say is this:
Forewarned is half an octopus.
The whole post is perfect... but Crazy Lou made me laugh till I cried!
Don't know what made me giggle harder... the cakes (Crazy Lou FTW) or the screenplay commentary.
Well played No. 1, well played indeed!
Who'd a thunk Professor Knowsitall could come up with any plan of attack, he being yellow and all. I expected as much from Captain Gulp above him, but followers should note that Professor Knowsitall in just yellow on the inside and will most likely fall back should any confrontation arise.
Oh no... the poetical reference made me realize with a shock that perhaps there is some deeper evil lurking behind cake wreckage... might Vogons actually be amongst us?!!
(My apologies if this is appearing twice, there seems to be a word-verification/error thing going on.)
wow, that was one of your funiest post for a while, loved the crazy crab :P
Jen, you are in rare form today. One of the best posts ever!!
I have a soft spot for Octopi ever since I was little girl and received a book about an octopus that went to school for a day posing as a little boy. It was one of my favorite books ever.
destroy the Evil Octopodes once and for all!
I always love it when someone uses the correct (or at least most pretentious :-) ) plural for "octopus". Thanks!
I love how the crab 3rd from the end is clutching a tiny American flag in his left claw...he must be on the side of good ;)
That last Wreckage was enough to make anyone hurl...
Crazy Lou appeals to my warped and twisted side...even though he is a ccc. Made my day!
The twins did it for me... I must have that cake.
I think I dated the human form of Crazy Lou, too.
Actually I'd love to see what the Vogons could get up to with cake decorating, with the reputation their poetry has...
Hahahahahah.
Genius.
As a student of Latin and Greek, I cannot express how excited I was when I saw that you used 'octopodes' as the plural of 'octopus'. I could rant on and on about how much I hate it when people say 'octopi' because it is a contrived attempt to force a Latin plural on a Greek word, but I won't. Except I just did. Oops.
*cough* Erm, keep up the good work!
That last one, it's not an octopus! It's one of the Freakies from the cereal commcercials: http://mrbreakfast.com/cereal_detail.asp?id=140
I was thinking it was Boss Moss, but he's a different color.
OMG, the Gulp cake is soooo cute! Good thing its just a photo, because I have an urge to hug it. *squish* *ewwww* LOL
Anne
I get into so much damn trouble going on this site...All I do is laugh! I'm so gonna get fired one of these days cuz of cakewrecks
The Ballad Of The Sheriff Of Crabtown. Oh, my, does this story ROCK!!!
If I didn't know better, I would swear that you commissioned the cakes that gave you the perfect facial expressions after Crazy Lou arrives. Regardless, "Nobody messes with the Sheriff of Crabtown." needs to be added to the list o' [in]famous sayings from Cakewrecks lore. Brava! Author! [genuflecting in the general direction of Jen & Co. -- "We are not worthy!"]
hahahahahaha "squid roe!" comedic genius, fo sho.
Actually, y'know...I'd be THRILLED to get Crazy Lou for my birthday. He makes me laugh.
(And I'd want to see what color my tongue turned after eating him.)
Oh man, this set made me laugh so hard. The Crazy Lou one is priceless.
Sheer Genius on the commentary. Absolute genius. And with all of the scary ocean stories in the news here in Southern California it is all the more poignant (we have sharks swimming up to the sand, black jellyfish and stingrays on a rampage)
Crazy Lou is definitely FTW. One question... does he have a giant hole in his head? It would explain that priceless expression, although I prefer to think he is just a real party guy and a bit of a lush.
Call me crazy but the 1st one and last few are so cute :)
also...crazy lou!! awesome cake
i'm not sure if anyone else has said this or not yet...but does the last wreck sort of look like meatwad from aqua teen hunger force to you??
In quoting Hitchhikers you made my morning. :-)
Ah! Cephalopods. As a researcher once said in a video I watched in high school, "I'm very passionate about cephalopods." Only my friend and I caught that for the hilarity it was and we had to stifle our giggles. We still quote it to this day.
and the Sheriff of Crabtown cake bears resemblance to what happened when that same poet was about to embark on a reading of *My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles*
"...when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save humanity, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain."
Oh my goodness. OH MY GOODNESS. When I reached, "WwwhhaaaLLAA OOOAaAaaHHhhH!"
No, I'm done, I just can't even handle it. I am STILL laughing. It's been like eight minutes. I've never even heard myself laughing like this. Am I breathing? I don't think I'm breathing. My German Shepherd is barking at me like I'm dying. I might be dying. I think I'm dying.
Okay, I gotta say I love Crazy Lou the best!
I want to have a party RIGHT NOW so I have an excuse to buy Crazy Lou.
I think I may be related to Crazy Lou. |\O_o/\