Tuesday
Feb022010
Holy Smokes!
February 2, 2010
I should probably filter what I say here, but when I'm craving some delicious cake, nothing matches the taste of an ashtray full of cigarette butts:
Mmmm.
Say, if the decorator got rid of just one of those smokes, would the cake then be a cigarette lighter? {{groan}}
Can't bear the thought of chomping on butts? Then why not chew on this mouth-watering tobacco can instead?
Or if that bear is too ferocious for ya, we can always replace it with a cute little donkey:
(See, the bear's head is the donkey ears, and the front leg is his head. See it? He's just reaching down to enjoy some delicious wintergreen grass. Eh? Right? Who's with me, here?)Moving on...
Look, guys, just because her name is Ashley doesn't mean this is necessary:
(Maybe it was a gift from her friends CHARlie, TARa, and PIPEr.)
Plus, why a cigarette cake when Ashley has never even had a cigarette before?
At least I'm guessing she hasn't, since that would have been illegal. And no one smokes before they're legally permitted to - right, Ashley? Right?
At least I'm guessing she hasn't, since that would have been illegal. And no one smokes before they're legally permitted to - right, Ashley? Right?
Making Turkish cigarette cakes must be a real drag:
Loosely translated, "Sigara icmek omru azaltir" means, "Quitting cigarette-themed display cakes greatly reduces loss of customers."
Daniella T., Renee G., Julie M., Courtney M., & Mark B., you guys are a breath of fresh air. NOTE FROM JEN: Who is Number1? She's my new Jen-clone. Yep. She's just like me, only smarter, cuter, and gosh darn it, a wee bit funnier. I've strong-armed her into doing a few guest posts from time to time, so y'all be nice to "the new Jen" while she gets her feet wet around here. (After that, though, she's fair game. Mwahahahah!)
- Related wreckage: Proper Grooming
Reader Comments (131)
I was gonna say something clever, but you used every imaginable pun having to do with smoking!
heh, Jen:
WHO DOES NUMBER 2 WORK FOR?????
-Jenn
OK, on the ASHley cake, what's the cigarette on? It looks like an Eggo waffle? Gosh darn it, that's just a good waste of waffles right there!
-Jenniffer
http://cupadeecakes.blogspot.com
OH MY FREAKING GAWD!! As if these cake wrecks couldn't get any worse, THEY DID!!!!!!!! They officially reached an ALL TIME LOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Way to go, Number 1! And, Jen, you've trained her well - she did you proud. The puns (oh, so punny!) and yes, I see the donkey, and groans... it's a second Jen! Yey!!!! Who'd have thought the world would be so lucky?!!!
Perhaps it's just me, but I'm generally anti black fondant for any cake. But especially the butt-ugly ones.
These are just... gross. Yes, I am an adult using the adjective gross to explain cakes. Especially that first one.
Can you really picture someone saying, "ok, who wants ashes and who wants butts"?
Blech.
I don't know if these cakes would help someone stop smoking, but the sight of them would definitely help me stop eating cake.
The first "Grizzly" one is well-done, if you can get past the revulsion at a chewing-tobacco cake. The Grizzly Donkey is just sad.
My sister-in-law's name is Ashley. If she's very, very bad sometime, I might make her a Butt Cake like that one.
I'm sorry, but these just need to disappear into a cloud of smoke. Bleh. You should want to EAT cake, not matter how much of a wreck it is, but these just make me want to puke.
Gag.
WV: fries. Would you like fries with these cakes? No, thanks . . . I'll skip the cakes and just have the fries!
These are all so beautifully crafted, especially the first one! Not sure I'd want a slice, though
OKay, while I don't smoke, dip, or do anything else, I'll have to say that cake #2 is actually really well done and doesn't gross me out.
Cake #1 is also well done. However, it DOES gross me out. Same goes for the last cake as well.
And lastly, poor ASHley? Yeah, um, talk about questionable taste. "You're an adult now, and we're going to celebrate being able to legally smoke!" Ugh.
CAKE WRECKS FANS WARNING: Viewing the ill-conceived expressions of cigarette smoking and chaw in cake form may lead to inappropriate feelings of nausea, queasiness, a sickly green pallor on one’s face, and the possible avoidance of eating cake ever again.
^..^
WV: feraist. "I feraist can't eat any of that lovely cigarette butt cake, or I'll be ill."
P.S. Jen enters Cake Wrecks Top Secret Wreckerator Room and looks for Number 1. "Kato? Kaaaaaato?"
You can bet your sweet ash I won’t be having a slice of any of those.
Other than being smoking cakes, those cakes are really well done.
That ashtray cake looks like it could kill you faster than cigarettes ever could...
Wow. These are by far the most disgusting cakes I've ever seen. Who would want to have the thought of tar, smoke and ash in your head while enjoying cake?
I'm thinking a lot of people around here would... we're a tobacco state.
Gross.
Are these really wrecks? I mean, isn't the grossness of the ash tray (which really done well) the ironic coolness of the cake? Just sayin'.
"You don't always die from tobacco/Sometimes, you just lose our lunch..."
Ummmm... ewww!
Welcome Number1! I have a feeling that you will make it so.
Shelley in So. Illinois
I saw the donkey! I saw the donkey!
Well, it's not necessarily illegal for Ashley to have smoked before, depending on where she lives.
From the text we can assume that it is an English-speaking country, and in the UK it is still not illegal to buy or smoke cigarettes if you're under 18. It is only illegal for resellers to sell cigarettes to minors.
Absolutely an unimportant nitpick, I just thought it was an interesting legal distinction.
Ewwwww these are really discusting! I LOVE the ASHley comment...yuck!
Now that is just gross.
Just one word....
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?!
Great first post, New!Jen (and by 'great', I mean 'ewww', which in a wrecker's world means 'awesome'). The puns were right up there with Actual!Jen's. :D
Per the wreckage... I can count on one hand the number of wrecks I've seen here that have really made me think "there is no way I could possibly eat that" (I don't have a particularly strong stomach, but darn it, even weird- or gross-looking cake is cake!)... but that first one certainly makes the list. Augh!!!
I think that the first cake made the list of top 5 cakes that disgusted me the most from this blog.
"Who does Number 1 work for?" Good job, Jen-clone!
Amy
Hey, you guys just got a shoutout from Busy Phillips on the Bonnie Hunt show!
I would never be able to eat that first one. I would taste nothing but old nasty cigarette. Ugh...it's making me sick just thinking about it! Gross!! And who in their right minds thinks it's ok to get a cigarette cake for an 18-year-old?!?!
~Erin
You are the pun queen! I heart you so much right now!
<3 Erin
thriftmadness.blogspot.com
The donkey was the best part of those cakes!
Those cakes are not appealing whatsoever! It doesn't matter how good it would taste, it just looks disgusting.
No butts about it, these cakes are in bad taste! I personally think whomever ordered these (well executed, but cough-inducing confections) really made ashes of themselves.
Cool, a Jen clone. Well done on the puns! No Butts about it!
@Zabinatrix-- That was interesting, actually, because it's the kind of thing you usually only learn by hanging out in another country for a while. That said, I am not a teenager, and I'm not planning to start smoking. But still...
"Hey, what's this weird filling in this chewing tobacco cake? Kinda brown, but minty? Lot of fiber. Is it some kind of garden mulch?"
OMG The Black Dog took the words right off my keyboard.
WHY? WHY? WHY?
Do you think these were smoke flavored on the inside? Maybe with a chewing tobacco filling. Mmmmm!
I smell an intern scandal.
How appropriate that Ashley's cake is labeled Class A-- the distinction of the most dangerous drugs in the UK. From the size of it, I'd say that's *more* than a cigarette...
Just some random knowledge for you...I speak Turkish, and the writing on the wreck-y cigarette box says "Smoking shortens your life". Way to make people not wanna smoke-with a horrifying cake!
This was a beautiful collection of wreckiness & punniness. Yes, this is why I come here each morning.
Thanks, Jen and Jen #1, for making the ridiculous into the hilarious.
(That being said, I really think the first couple are pretty awesome in their details. Their disgusting, blecky details.)
Um, I don't even get why anyone would want a cake with matches on it. Sick.
so. unappetizing. How much do you have to love smoking to have it celbrated in cake?? disgusting! I can taste the ash now just looking at that first one. And why does chewing tobacco come in a wintergreen flavor? is this to help mask the nasty tobacco breath? what's next, tobacco stained teeth? a tar filled lunged?
G-ross!
wv: bodie. These nasty tobacco habits do not bodie well for the health of your bodie. (two uses!)
I'm a non smoker and really passionate about it . This is just disgusting
huh, another type of butt cake. This time, minus the exploring proctologist....
ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod tell me those are not real cakes? tell me! I've been reading for a while and I never, ever thought I'd see cigarette cakes. YUM!
Ok, these wrecks really remind me of a cake made by a coworker about a decade ago. It was a beautiful cake that had nothing to do with smoking or cigarettes or tobacco of any kind, except that my coworker was a chain-smoker.
The beautiful cake she made TASTED like smoke. Poor beautiful cake suffered just because it was crafted in a smoker's home.
What a tragic waste of cake.
The first cake brought me back to the nastiest taste I'd ever had- my mother used mostly empty coke cans for ash trays in the car. I got in the car after school one day, and went to reach for a cold, frosty....eugh. Ash 'n' butt soda.
I agree that black or nearly-black fondant is cake fail.
i don't condone smoking but in the US it is legal at any age to smoke you just can't but cigarettes before 18