Sweet Dreams
November 12, 2010 As someone who's battled insomnia for most of my adult life, I know just how valuable a soothing bedtime story can be. So, my fellow sleepless-in-wherevers, this one's for you.
[hem ahem hem]
*whispering*
there was a baby who was very sleepy.
The baby's undead friends, however, kept asking:
Yes, throughout the long nights, the baby's best buds howled and screamed and demanded that he stay awake, and play!
One day the baby thought, Maybe if I disguise myself as a ladybug and hide in the forest, my friends won't be able to find me to ask me to play!
And so, chopping off his own arms and legs, he did.
But, alas! His buggy disguise soon attracted a sticky swarm of monster ladybugs.
They crawled in his hair and tickled his ears and the baby forgot about sleep for another night.Maybe, the baby thought next, if I cover myself with a big blanket, I won't hear my friends calling me!
And so, plugging his little ears, he did.
But, alas! His friend Mr. Bubbles had a very loud and squeaky nose:
Plus, Mr. Bubbles' chainsaws were terribly noisy.
I know! The baby thought at last. I'll hide in this cake! Then I can nap as long as I want.
And so, burrowing into the soft spongy layers, he did.
But, alas! The cake was Mr. Monkey's birthday cake.
***The End***
Now, who wants seconds?
Reader Comments (156)
Woo hoo! I'm am official Wreckporter now!
By the way, if anyone cares to know, the monster ladybug is from one of the premiere - supposedly - bakeries in Istanbul, Turkey. I opted for their Turkish delight rather than their cakes based on this display model alone. (My apologies for my shadow in the photo.)
scarey clown! scarey clown!
Mr Monkey is the best nightmare fuel I've seen in a while. O_O
The first baby cake and the last monkey cake COMPLETELY freak me out!! Aaaugh!!!
OH MY GOD - I am laughing . . I am crying . . .I am horribly disturbed! This was the FUNNIEST POST EVERY!!!! So creepy - so hillarious - and that monkey thing at the end. . . Is that Chaka from Land of the Lost??
Wow--so many disturbing images, so little therapy. I have seen creepy monkeys before, but that last...THING is the creepiest one yet. The less said about the babies, particularly the first one, the better.
AAHHH!! Demon Monkey!
That monkey cake will haunt my dreams tonight.
That first cake made me gasp and shut my eyes. A brief glimpse was all I could manage.
I didn't mind the ladybug baby so much. Her arms and legs are tucked up underneath. And it better than a real baby. I don't think I'd be quite so creeped out about being served that as a more realistic cake.
VW: piersubc The third doc in a row for submarines. (Pier sub A, pier sub B, ...)
That top cake... Gah! All of them are disgusting and scary but that top one... Who does that? *shudder*
Someone please pass the brain bleach. I really need to get those images out of my head.
*I want my mommy*
I was doing okay until I got to Mr.Monkey. That is some seriously creepy cake. I find the feet especially disturbing.
At the end I saw your label "creepy cakes" and thought, "this is beyond 'creepy', this is terrifying!" Especially the monkey.
I am shocked at the utter scariness of this post.
(I love it!)
I think the first cake (the baby), and the last cake (the monkey) are now competing furiously in my mind for the title of creepiest thing I have seen in years, lol.
Between Bubbles and Mr. Monkey I don't think I will sleep tonight!
From my 5 year old: That ladybug cake is WEIRD!!
I do not like the monkey.
The whole thing was pretty creepy, but something about Mr. Monkey and his weird hands/toes just REALLY creeps me out *shudders* Thank you, I will now have nightmares of a monkey trying to kill me in my sleep. :)
That monkey cake scares the bananas out of me.
If you didn't have insomnia before, you certainly will now! Incredibly creepy!
Mr. Monkey is true terror in sugar!
If only I had that first cake to follow the baby meat loaf I'm planning for dinner tonight...
Holy mackerel - the first and last cakes literally made me gasp out loud in fright!
wv: oundad These cakes oundad my eyes!
Is that the monkey from Chris' closet? *shudder*
That did NOT help my insomnia, Jen. Not at all.
The first baby is a poor attempt to capture artist Camille Allen's sculptures. THAT'S an ugly kid!
The monkey cake...WOW! Definitely tramatizing. I almost thought a child in a monkey suit was posed on the table.
WV: dompstr Some of these wrecks should be thrown away in the dompstr.
Sharon's Edible Art
GASP. That monkey did me in.
PS You've probably been told already, but Cake Wrecks was referenced on Top Chef: Just Desserts on Wednesday!
I'm just thankful that you post this in the morning (east coast time) so that my brain has a chance to recover before bedtime!
I'm glad that I read this one in the morning!! I don't have insomnia issues... and hopefully a nice long day will keep it that way :)
That said, I think I have [further] proof that I'm weird: it's not the monkey cake that creeped me out, but the baby-lady-bug cake. That's the one *I'm* trying to forget!
{Evil giggle} I'm so glad that my monkey cake will be causing so many nightmares tonight! A few additional facts about it, in case you're not already creeped out enough:
1) The arm is springloaded, so you can pull it back, place some raisinettes in it, and make it fling its own poo.
2) This was a cake for a 1-year-old's birthday. And it's exactly what his mother requested. Well, she said poo-flinging monkey cake. She didn't specify the hideous, soul-sucking eyes of death.
3) If you want to see more (You know you do. Admit it.) go here: http://www.doitmyself.org/2007/10/poo-flinging-monkey-cake.html
Gross story! You defiantly need more sleep.
Thanks, Jen, after seeing those cakes (especially the first one), I think I'll never sleep again.
WV: wamulti. I can't think of a joke; I just want to say it. Wamulti, wamulti, wamulti. It goes with my favorite animal name, Humuhumunukunukuapuaa. (The Humuhumunukunukuapuaa is Hawaii's state fish.)
that monkey cake is possibly the freakiest thing I've ever seen!
The first and third cakes remind me of the theory that dolls, robots, etc. (and presumably cakes) that look a little like people are cute, but ones that look exactly like people, with all the details, are creepy.
I think we can now consider that hypothesis proven.
WV: biled. That's exactly what I was saying.
Holy smokes! That first baby cake either looks like Dobey the house elf or Gollum. Either way, it's disturbing. And Mr. Monkey needs a pedicure, stat! Maybe that's why he's so angry, he knows his feet are a mess.
That first baby made me scream out loud.
Thanks a lot, Mr. Monkey's going to give me nightmares and the less said about the first baby cake the better. Thanks for starting off my morning horribly funny. :)
I will have nightmares now.
Thanks...
Eeek! That first baby looks like Kuato from "Total Recall."
ROFL!!! Love your storyline!! At first I was thinking 'Anne Geddes gone bananas', until I saw the monster ladybug... then I saw the bananas. *blink blink*
Actually, I didn't scream till I saw Mr Monkey at the end. And yes, I screamed, like a girl. (which is not weird btw, as I am a girl)
~~Di
Thanks for the nightmares. They needed new fuel.
Oh, my word... the first cake looks like that mutant baby-dude from Total Recall. Eeeeewage. *shudder, shudder*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!! *hiding behind hands...peeks again* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh dear. Oh blummin dear. That. Is. Horrific. i thought the first cake was bad enough, then I saw the last. AAAARRRRGGGHHH!! It's just as scary as 'Are you my Mummy?' in Doctor Who!
On a side note, I love Sleepless In Seattle - great film! We as a family have a Christmas run-up routine. THis involves watching one Christmas film a night for about a month (we have a lot!), finishing with It's a Wonderful Life (starring James Stewart and DOnna Reed) on Christmas Eve. Brilliant.
Back to the cakes: the less said about that monkey the better. Ugh. And the connotations? *shudders*
Hope these don't haunt my dreams - there are enough creepy things in my night-visions already.
Lucy
WV: constric. To forcibly contain Wreckerators and prevent them from scaring innocent people for life.
Never. Sleeping. Again.
Why do the baby cakes look like they're dead or have had all the juice sucked out of them? Maybe that's what the mutant ladybug does to them? And if that first one isn't Gollum or maybe Peter Lorre, I'll eat a mutant ladybug.
I always knew that undead babies with clammy lifeless skin and blank, unseeing eyes were out to get me- these cakes are just further proof!
I don't want kids. Ever. And no matter how many times you creepy zombie kids haunt my dreams, you can't change my mind. So just leave me alone!
And Jen, this post was enough without you adding the bugs in the ears while you sleep bit. That's just cruel.
The "Baby on a Half Shell" is really quite terrifying....
I thought the flattened fetus-on-the-half-shell in the rose garden was bad, then I saw the demonic "monkey" raising it's hand trying to get the teacher's attention. *shiver*
Ah yes, scar them while they're young.
This sounds oddly like what used to happen when mom would ad-lib bedtime stories for me.
Mom has a very unique sense of humor...what can I say.
Normally, I can't be shaken by images of cake, but as I scrolled down and caught my first glimpse of that first baby, I actually flinched and instinctively scrolled back up. It's like the monster from a bad horror movie.
WV: contsion - Exercise contion when reading Cake Wrecks, or you may end up with a lap full of hot coffee.
Disturbing!!!! lol