Nah, These Won't Traumatize the Kids at ALL
March 2, 2009 These cakes are all quite nicely done. I'm sure that will be of some comfort to the kids when they're in therapy.
Sock-hop it to me, Audrey R.!
Yes, happy birthday, girls, from Headless Flo and her Tinker-Toy Poodle Skirt of Probable Misfortune. ("Doom" was taken.)
Now, who wants ice cream?
"No, no, Patrick, the dinosaur isn't trying to eat you. He's here to party!"
See? Look at that cute little party hat! It really bring out his razor sharp teeth, don't you think, Selah?
Speaking of teeth...
This looks like the aftermath of a fairy-tale massacre, or in other words, a-DOR-able! [sing-song voice] Say, Arloe S., is that middle pig coming or going?
[announcer voice] "Hey parents, are you tired of boring, peaceful birthday parties? Want to add a little more excitement back into the one-year celebration? Then ask for the Dead Elephant special!"
[Kids yelling] "Yay! Dead elephants!"
[announcer] "That's right, kids! Yes, these delectable globs of deceased pachyderms tell the world: this party is gonna be killer!
"Side effects may include screaming, crying, thumb-sucking, sweating, itchy palms, irritable bowel, and a life-long fear of blue animals. Not recommended for children with nervous constitutions or sensitive bladders. Dead elephants are not responsible for any damages - real or imagined - done to your children. Void where prohibited, all rights reserved."
You've got a killer eye there, Andrew C.
Reader Comments (130)
Say what you want about the scare factor, I LOVE the three pigs cake and would totally eat an entire icing elephant.
LOVE the disclaimer!
I would be friends with the dinosaur. Better than not being friends.
Who buys these atrocious creations? I mean really?!
The pig cake reminds me strongly of the video for "Three Little Pigs" by Green Jello (later Green Jelly for copyright reasons). I know it's floating around YouTube.
I just have to say though, that your disclaimer made my morning. :)
So, these are ridiculous ... but at least they're recognizable. I mean, the dead elephants are hilarious [by the way, "Dead Elephants" would be a GREAT name for a band!], but they are immediately recognizable as such.
If I were to attempt to make dead elephants on a cake, they would turn out much more blobulicious.
Word verification: sinables. Is that like a cracker that will send you straight to hell?
There has to be a reason for the dead blue elephants but I think the reason might be worse than the cake, if that's possible. Yikes.
I had everyone at the bank at my computer monitor because I was laughing so hard. Holy cow. Freaking hysterical.
The dead elephant cake is a stroke of genius!
Just started following you after laughing like crazy last night at these cake wrecks.
These are a bit scary for kids and adults too. Gotta go hide from that party hat dino eeek!
Perhaps not the intended effect... but the dead elephants make me giggle! AND they have sprinkles!!!
I actually kind of like most of these. the Elephants remind me of the drunk scene in Dumbo and I have a nephew who would absolutely LOVE that dinosaur cake.
Now the sugar content in those elephants — whew! My teeth hurt just looking at that.
Well, I must say that these cakes are really well-executed. *poke* Get it? Dead elephants, pig body parts, headless sock-hoppers: executed? Mwah-hahahaha!
But the lettering is legible, borders nicely piped... it's just the subject matter that's a bit, um, questionable. That dino cake just might give me Jurrasic Park-style nightmares, and it wasn't even my party.
wait.... i don't.... why.... but the elephants are cute and... so very... dead.
man, these parents are just BEGGING for an emo teenager.
I am so confused by that pig cake! Are the pigs supposed to be hiding in the cake? Why do they only have 2 legs apiece?! Bizarre!!!
I wonder if the dead elephant cake was for a graduating senior at Texas A&M University... though I'm not sure why it would be a number one shaped cake.
the elephant cake had such potential to be adorable.
there are red **X** **X** on the elephants eyes!!! What the WHAT???
Maybe the dead elephant decorator is a Democrat.
Once again, Jen, brilliant commentary!LOL
I LOVE the three little pigs cake. I especially like the pieces of stick or straw from the blown-down house. At least, I'm assuming that's what that is.
hahahaha those elephants are hilarious.
though the cakes aren't that much of a wreck the concepts are less than perfect.
I've always heard that eyes are the hardest thing to draw, so maybe the entire head was eliminated to avoid that problem.
Those dead elephants look freaking delicious. Yeah, I said it.
Hilarious!!!
Where are the pigs heads?!?!? And the last cake is like a trippy Dumbo scene.
Birthday boy's voice: I want the pig butt piece, I want the pig butt piece!
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)
The pigs totally confuse me -- is it just the remaining pieces of of the pigs? Why are they each only half a pig?
Now, if you made those blue elephants pink, they'd be perfect for some parties I've attended!!
Are those dead elephants on a giant number 1? There's one for the baby book! ::shudder::
At least the dead elephant cake is shaped like a 1. Maybe it's a 1st birthday party and the kid will need hypnotic regression to be troubled by this.
You did *NOT* just say "coming or going". Oh my.... My head is in the gutter.
The elephant with the red x eyes totally cracked me up! and your commentary as usual was right on and hilarious!
Blogless Mary Lou
Are the pig butts bacon flavored?
I think I might have actually liked that dinosaur cake when I was in my dinosaur phase, even if it would have given me nightmares that night, wrapped up in my dinosaur bedsheets.
But I can't fathom the why behind the dead elephant cake. Please tell me this wasn't for a child's 1st birthday!
I actually like all of these except for the first one. Maybe not for a kid's party, though.
& those are suppose to be dead elephants? I would've guessed drunk before dead.
Clearly those elephants are a victim of poisonous sprinkle warfare. But what does the G stand for and why is the burial field shaped like a one?
I think the pigs are either hiding from the poisonous sprinkles having noted the elephant's demise or perhaps simply enjoying a final meal of cake.
As for the dinosaur cake, maybe Mom has grown tired of the 'I love all things dinosaur' phase and think she can scare it out of the little tike with one last cake.
-Becky
OK, must say that the dino made me think of Barney gone bad. Maybe he ate the head off of poodle skirt gal.
They are all great and not bad . It's just the scary theme going on that turns them into wrecks.
These are all great cakes! The poodle skirt one looks familiar, like it was based on an illustration from somewhere - so maybe the Tinkertoy poodle is a faithful rendering.
I would LOVE the dinosaur one. Probably for a kid who loves dinosaurs and hates Barney.
The Three Little Pigs and the dead elephants one are both masterpieces - though there should probably be more straw around the pigs. And the dead elephants could be done in pink to celebrate someone's anniversary of sobriety!
To be fair, I think the big bad wolf cake was actually pretty well-done - and I think a lot of little boys wouldn't mind the scary dinosaur, either. The dead elephants, however? The purpose is totally lost on me, as is the party theme.
I was going along pretty good until I got to the dead elephants (blue is SUCH a nice touch for dead..) and then I totally lost it.
Sure am glad I didn't have a mouthful of coffee when I saw that!
~Amy B.
All these cakes are sponsored by the American Association of Child Psychiatrists and Psychologists. In these troubled and troubling times, they have to drum up business any way they can. All of the cakes seem to be executed well. It is just the message that is , is, skewed. Also, as the wife of a dentist, what's with the wolf's teeth? Does he need to brush and floss? Is that a little piggy stuck in there? Did he start the cake before the birthday boy? Is this a case of having your cake and being it too? So many questions and so few answers.
I'm pretty sure the pig cake is not just the three little pigs but is from the book "The True Story of the Three Little Pigs" In that book all you ever see is the rear of the pigs right before the pig eats them.
That elephant one KILLS me!
I'm guessing the blue elephants used to be pink before, and now they're just sleeping it off...
What on Earth were the decorators thinking?
Also, are you sure there's not a two before the 1? 21 is the legal drinking age in the US, isn't it? Now I'm sure it's pink elephants sleeping it off!
I really hope the dead elephant cake wasn't for a first birthday. In other situations I can see it being humorous but not for a little kids party.
What about the lack of hands on the headless sock hopper? Well, they don't look much like hands if they are...more like mittens...that will keep the kids wondering, I'm sure...
Not quite as much fun as dead elephants... but I think those are supposed to be heffalumps (sp?) from Winnie the Pooh.
To be fair, kids are harder to traumatize than you think. My three year old looked at the first two cakes and said, "Arrr! Dinosaur! Arrr! Princess!" and went on her merry way.
That elephant cake is just wrong, though.
I really don't know what to say...other than I'm SO glad my folks didn't do this for me when I was a child...or even now that I'm an adult! These cakes have the potential to scar for life...