Rockin' Shams
March 16, 2009 Every holiday I'm forced to wonder: must we anthropomorphize everything?
The answer of course is yes - yes we must. Thanks for clearing that up, Becky F.
Not only is this next incredibly hulking blob supposed to be a shamrock, it's also got quite an infestation going on:
[sucking air through teeth] Hoo boy! Christy M., I'm not gonna lie to you: this is bad. Bad bad bad.
[hitching britches up] Now, what we've gotta do here is get them there lil' buggers out before they start "compromising" your "substructure", you follow? 'Cuz once THAT happens, well.. [shaking head mournfully] Let's just say it's "bye bye birdie". Now, fortunately for you, I just so happen to have a special runnin' this week... [hurrying out to fetch calculator from Hummer]
Aaand the "Worst Attempt at a Shamrock" goes to... [opening envelope]
Alison H.'s "Alien Arms Squashing Lice"!![announcer voice] "This is Alison H.'s first win in the Sham category. Her previous nominations include 'Dog Paws on Poo', 'Head's Up! It's Edible!' and the critically acclaimed 'Santa's Sticky Surprise'."
Wow, these St. Patrick's Day cakes are driving me a bit buggy. How 'bout you guys?
Reader Comments (64)
The shamrocks on the first cake look stoned out of their minds (if they have minds, that is).
That last one could be a believable minimalist "Magical Broccoli Forest".
Why do I keep making excuses for them? There is no excuse for that cake. I must have some kind of Cakewrecks Stockholm Syndrome or something.
I especially like the bleary-beer-eyed look on the three bar-crawlin' anthropomorphized shamrocks.
NC
You know it's going to be a weird day when it starts with the phrase, "Santa's Sticky Surprise"...thanks for that image Jen.
As for the shamrocks I was thinking it looked like moldy chicken feet myself, but I guess I can go with Alien Arms.
At least the first one is cute. The other two look like the "artist" had a little too much Jack Daniels before picking up the icing tube.
hahahahahahahahaha... oh, poor shamrocks. at least they didn't try to do leprechauns, who knows what we'd be looking at...
Please, please tell me that's coconut sprinkles on the sham-blob!!
First of all, I just have to say that the shamrocks on the first one look like they are high on something... Or drank too much green beer??! The second and third "cakes" are just plain SCARY!!!
DK
eeewww what the heck is on that horrible ccc???? my throat sort of constricted at the thought of it...
thanks for convincing me not to make a shamrock cake for tomorrow.
eeeeewwww
Okay, 1) do people not realize that dark-colored sprinkles around the edge of cake just make it look like a mouse came along and finished decorating it? 2)CCC clover-attempts are bad enough, did the wreckorator of #3 really have to make cloverleafs look like they are CCC clovers? 3) What on Earth have those anthropomorphized clovers been smokin'?
Geez, I thought the first one had happy little elephants on it!
that last one looks like cactus
is it just me, or do the "shamrocks" on that first cake look like frogs that are about to blow chunks?
Speaking as a biologist, the last one looks like little hydras.
It's not a wreck, it's a realistic portrayal of aquatic life!
The last one looks like something we would have had to celebrate the last day of zoology lab...they look like Hydra (related to the jellyfish) feasting on little water bugs.
it really is amazing just how many bad St Patrick's day cakes there are out there....I'm almost afraid to go in the bakery department!
That second cake is horrifying! What's with those "sprinkles"?
Ick.
I guess the care needed to anthropomorphize the shamrocks on the first one distracted the decorator from the apostrophe on "Patrick's"!
The last one looks like Simpson palm trees. Or something.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)
Oh... ew... maybe that's just a really unfortunate sprinkles disaster on the second cake, but from that vantage point it looks really, really icky. Larvae creepy. I'm having a hard time wiping the repulsion off my face. Just... ew.
So what have we learned? That, way too many people aparently skipped kindergarten the day that they made constuction paper shamrocks based on simple heart shapes.
I can see the work area scene...the person holding the container with sprinkles sneezes. Sprinkles jump out of the container in a blob (or worse, are blown out of the container by the force of the sneeze--hence the stragglers further out....) Decorator sees the blunder, tilts his/her head for a second point of view, admires the random placement of the escaped sprinkles, wipes their nose, moves this cake aside and thinks to himself/herself "one cake down, 19 more to go....."
Those first shamrocks are going to haunt my dreams...
Don't they have something they could use to help them with shamrocks? Like...cookie cutter? Chalk outlines?
~Amy B
Are those maggots on the second cake? And what's with the little green blobs beside it?
Bev
AAAHHHH!! I've never seen shamrocks look SCARY before. The first one was just silly, but not too bad. Those last two, though..... Yikes.
I sure hope "Santa's Sticky Surprise" is chocolate-chip-cookies-and-milk related.
haha! i literally had to turn my head to figure out how The Hulk was supposed to resemble a shamrock.
Those top ones look like frogs and the bottom ones look like brocoli. The middle one doesn't look like anything but a blob.
What's behind door #3?
It's a cake decorated with broccoli!
Not real broccoli. Broccoli made from icing. Maybe not even real icing broccoli, but broccoflower cauliflower, broccoli cross made of icing.
Either way if asked if you've had your vegetables today, you can say 'yes!'
Wow..those are bad!
#1 looks like Irish sperm
#2 looks like Irish germ
#3 looks like #1 met #2
Taking another look at the "incredibly hulking blob" CCC...
I think that bakery person should redirect her/his energy into creating cactus cupcake cakes. Get rid of the stem, add some lil dots for places the spines grow, and some oblong red shapes for the fruit, and you'd almost have a prickly pear cake.
Almost.
Once again, thanks for making cake not the least bit tempting in my time of need.
First one looks like shamrock sperm.
First one looks like shamrocks that are attempting to swim upstream to reproduce. And I don't mean salmon. Think the opening of "Look Who's Talking."
Rob
wv: cripier. "Aye, faith and begorah, dese Irish cake wrecks are gettin' cripier and cripier all de time."
hee hee...
the.. last... *gasp*
one! hee hee hee
shamrocks, broccoli... same thing.
I've never wanted to destroy cakes so bad in my life. Just throw 'em at a wall or something. Ack...
Yuck! I wish I hadn't read this while eating my sandwich! :p
A spore CCC. It bleh.
Funny!!! My 3 year old walked in about the time I clicked on the first picture and she said, wow, look at those cute frogs.
The last cake looks as if broccoli mated with Kokopelli.
I'm off to look up "anthropomorphize" now.
I think the wreakerators were counting on the possibility that people would be too drunk on St Patty's Day to notice silly things like shapes and proportions.... I mean, maybe with Beer Goggles on, they look *right.*
That doesn't explain the maggots, though...
My husband thought that shamrocks on the first cake were the snakes that St. Patrick had driven out of Ireland.
I have looked on this blog three times today and that second picture still has the Blob from the Emerald City on it.
Where do they get that vile green icing? That's a rhetorical question; I don't really want to know.
WV: bingui=I laughed so hard I pulled a muscle so I had to rub bingui on it. (This may only work for those of us of a certain age.)
I'm with Bev -- the second cake looks like maggots are growing out of it. Makes me think of "The Lost Boys."
Wow - my first wreck! I'm so flattered. I did a double take when I saw #2 in my local Super Center. I thought to myself "Did I just find a wreck? Oh heck yeah I found a wreck!"
Donna - you nailed it! That comment is the best!!!
Oh, those are brilliant. I was looking forward to the St Patrick's Day offerings. Nothing like a bit of wreckery on your birthday!
Okay - those bottom things are either http://www.fantom-xp.com/wp_42__Teddy_bear_cholla_-_cactus.html" REL="nofollow">chollas or http://www.scientificillustrator.com/illustration/microscopic/hydra.html" REL="nofollow">hydras, not shamrocks!