Two Steps Forward And Three Wrecks Back
February 17, 2016 When I first took up arms against the dreaded cupcake cake [patooie!] so many years ago, I never dreamed I would have such an impact on our nation's baked goods. Why, with the help of you readers, I've managed to rip back the curtain of Big Frosting's corporate deception and ineptitude, and reveal the fuzzy, sugar-crusted, frosting-smeared private parts of inhuman indecency.
;)
INHUMAN INDECENCY.
After years of our virtual spitting and no-holds-barred, blistering mockery, I'm happy to report that bakeries have finally begun changing their evil CCC ways.
Granted, it's to stuff that's way worse, but still. Let's focus on the positive here.
For example, this is NOT a cupcake cake:
;)
It's a "baked mountain." Or BM, for short.
Now, is it even messier than a CCC - something they said could never be done?
Yes.
Is it repulsive enough to have been assembled by a drunken yak?
Yes.
Is it STILL not enough frosting?
HECK YEAH!
I MEAN, NO. I MEAN, YES, THAT'S NOT ENOUGH FROSTING.
(THAT WAS A VERY HARD QUESTION TO ANSWER WITH A SIMPLE YES OR NO.)
Ahem.
Enter the "Brownie Dipper."
;)
It's a quart of frosting with a dash of sprinkles and brownie bites mixed in.
COWER AND WEEP, YE INSOLENT MASSES!
COWER... AND WEEP!
Because a brownie without frosting is like stick butter that hasn't been deep fried.
And also: 'MURRICA!
Now, I don't know about you, but I often think back to my poor, deprived childhood, back when gingerbread cookies didn't come with a half-inch layer of buttercream and freakish plastic flotsam heads.
;)
I'm actually tearing up a little.
But you're probably wondering, "Gee, Jen, what ELSE could bakers cram together and cover in enough frosting to make my pancreas self-implode from mere proximity?"
I'm glad you asked.
How about cinnamon buns?
;)
...shaped like the Lombardi trophy?
Um...
Hang on a sec.
[googling "Lombardi Trophy"]
Ah.
BWAHAHAHAAAA!!!
(P.S. - I know nothing about sports, but even *I* can tell that thing is a puddle of Terminator.)
Still, those buns have a few frosting-free spots on them. Can't have that, now, can we?
;)
Say hello to my new favorite pyramid scheme!
I'd also like to note that this Baked Mountain is really living up to its initials.
Still, you know what we really REALLY need? Donuts...in the shape of a dragon. With bacon. And more frosting. And more bacon. And a creepy skeleton wedding topper.
Yeah. That would be pretty epic, alright.
[whistling innocently]
;)
On the one hand, I am deeply ashamed that this exists in our society today.
On the other...
DIBS ON THE TAIL.
Thanks to Kelly M., Bethany T., Jenn B., Kimberly, Karen F., and Tim & Angella D. for revealing my secret shame.
*****
Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.
Reader Comments (62)
No such thing as too much frosting, ever. Not even on that second one, the baked mountain.
In other news, I just love icing on brownies. Something's missing when a brownie has no icing on it.
Chocolate chip cookies are too much cookie and not enough chocolate, so I consider this a personal victory.
You are correct, Eoin. That clearly is an attempt by our buddy Red to repair a CCC (ptooie) with duct tape and cinnamon buns. Nicely done.
Ah, remember the days when CCC's only spelled out Thank You and Congratulations? Good times.
Why is the icing silvery? For that matter, HOW did they make it silvery?
@ MaryO
How about a 'fail' of cake wrecks.
@Persephone
Yacked up by an actual yak?
@ Ado_Annie -- I vote for "a blathering of CCCs" (ptooie). Just perfect!
@ Persephone -- Perfect timing on your punchline about the dead (creamed) dragon!
@ s.maire and the other person who referenced my favorite comedic movie of all times (Airplane!) -- Thanks for the memories. Still trying to remember the name of the character Stephen Stucker played...was it Johnny? I love when Lloyd Bridges would say to Stucker "How 'bout some coffee" (obviously expecting Stucker to fetch it), and he'd say blithely "no thanks!'
Isolder, thanks for the Buffy reference!!
"I used to be a respected watcher. Now I have the mystical strength of a doily"
Love that whole scene.... and Trogdor the burninator.
@Lady Anne
I have to let you in on the joke.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gz1DIIxmEE
Someone baked the T-1000 burned him then frosted him all over that silver mess of cinnamon buns lol. Oh man even I feel bad for the poor thing.
@Bea: I call my from-scratch creations "Cookie-Chip Chocolates," because they are good-sized pieces of cookie wrapped around plenty of melted, semi-sweet chocolate chips.
@MaryKay: I don't remember much about "Airplane" but was his name "Roger"?
I read it as "Brownie Diaper" too, and for a brief moment I was quite impressed with their accuracy!
*sighs, rubs temples*
Please tell me the “bacon in dessert foods” fad has finally, mercifully passed.
I'm afraid not, Mike. I don't get why it started, I too hope it will go away soon.
Time for a Princess Bride reference about the alleged Lombardi trophy: what is that thing?!