Name That Wrong
October 4, 2016 I'm old.
I know this because my shoulder hurts right now and I want to tell absolutely everyone about it. Also, I don't like the rap music.
So when I hear of some unbearably trying-too-hard celebrity naming their kid Pirate* or Audio Science* or Banjo*, I get offended in a way that only we Americans are bored enough to get.
[*Actual celebrity kid names.]
For instance:
;)
;)
Are these names? Are they mistakes? The world may never know.
But by golly, we can assume the worst and get ticked off anyway.
;)
The only thing more confusing than the words are the decorations. Are those... targets?
;)
It must be heck figuring out which basket is hers.
;)
Funny, he doesn't look like a "Pin." More like a "Nougat" or "Flip Phone," am I right?
Thanks to Linda O., Evy C., Kaycee G., Mary G., & Rusti B., who will all now be known as "Betty." And you can call me Al.
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Reader Comments (76)
I also worked in a school system. Here's a couple for you: Sputnik Watson and Velvet Teat. True story.
Another name just popped into my head. We were touring a museum and woman kept calling her daughter what I took to be "My Deah". My Dear with some sort of accent. The poor kid's name was Medea! Not exactly a role model, was she?
And there was a woman interviewed on TV several nights ago named Aquanetta. Well, we all have to be named something.
My girls are named Jora (Guess how many ways her name was incorrectly spelled on birthday cakes) and Jerika (rhymes with America.)
If I wanted their names spelled correctly on cakes, I decorated them myself.
"What's in a name? That which we call Freestyle
By any other name would have a decreased risk of having the crap teased out of her every single school day from First through Tenth Grade."
If your parents are rich, peculiar celebrities, at least you can pay someone to beat up the school bullies and terrorists. (Really, "bully" is too kind a description for some of them...)
Sheryl Crow has a song about a guy with a daughter he named Easter. She was born on a Tuesday night.
Freestyle not a name. Birthing method. Welcome the baby the freestyle method. Right? Sounds hippy. Far out. A little bizarre.
I think cake 3 sends a pretty flamboyant message, more cakes should try to be like it.... its like screaming "I'm here to party. Happy Birth-HEY!!!" But who is victory sono? Or do they have so many kids they just started numbering them: son6 ... you can't stress the importance of good penmanship enough
Oh man cannot stop giggling at the turkey cake. Man that looks like one slippery turkey. I would be afraid to try and cut that thing lol.
Reminds me of the Dick Van Dyke Show episode where they're explaining to son Richie how he got the middle name "Rosebud." It's an acronym for Robert Oscar Sam Edward Benjamin Ulysses David. On another note, my son is a teacher. One of his students is named Exit. Another is Ocean. Go figure.
When I look at #3, I don't see targets. I see turtles.
That poor child had to have been named Dijonnaise.
I knew a Banjo, B.J. for short so I stuck with Banjo as B.J. meant something else when I was in high school. Yes I'm Australian so I'm guessing he was named after the poet. However the poet's real name was Andrew Barton Patterson (Barton was his mother's maiden name, she was a relative of the first Australian Prime Minister). You can't get more sensible than that. 'Banjo' was just his nickname as he published his poetry under the pseudonym 'The Banjo'. I had to check why that was his nickname on Wikipedia and it turns out 'The Banjo' was his favourite horse! Maybe we should go back to sensible real names and colourful nicknames. Then everyone can have an original name for fun or creative pursuits and a sensible name for when needed. (Now I feel really old)
I vote with Classic Steve - my first thought about cake #3 was turtles. With blue shells.
Sticking a helpless infant with a name guaranteed to attract negative attention is a horrible thing to do. Some parents apparently don't remember how unkind other children can be. And then there are the names that won't fit on standardized forms...which is something you don't grow out of.
Just because the man who wrote 'Waltzing Matilda' in 1895 had the nickname Banjo is no reason to give that name to your child. Would you name them 'Jelly Roll' or 'Leadbelly'? (Don't answer that.)
Ishtar is the Great Goddess of the Fertile Crescent (where there are currently a bunch of extremely fruitless wars going on in the name of masculine gods) Eostre is from northwest Europe:
Eostre first makes her appearance in literature about thirteen hundred years ago in the Venerable Bede's Temporum Ratione. Bede tells us that April is known as Eostremonath, and is named for a goddess that the Anglo-Saxons honored in the spring. He says, "Eosturmonath has a name which is now translated "Paschal month", and which was once called after a goddess of theirs named Eostre, in whose honor feasts were celebrated in that month.
They are NOT the same, BadKarma.
Children today are named Ishtar but I have not heard of one named Bede....
Nearly lost my poo over Velvet Teat - thanks Gwendy!
My mother went to school with Rosie Bottom.
I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the lunacy of calling your offspring 'Apple'.
Durkee Sauce is another condiment made from mustard and mayo.
Well, Shay, don't keep us in suspense. What was this kid's name?
I so wish I could hit a "like" button for so many of these comments!
In all fairness to Freestyle though, it might be the kid's last name. The parents might not have announced their baby's name yet so they just put "Baby" in as the first name until it's announced.
And just to add more crazy names to the list - I was friends with a guy who went to school with a girl named Crystal Lear; no one thought anything about it until they found out her middle name is Shanda. Yup. Crystal Shanda Lear. At my kid's school we've seen twins named Racer and Runner, an enlisted guy named his son General and a teacher friend had a student named ABCDE (Ab Said Ee). Oh and one of my boys had a friend whose name was spelled Xuzeel. We all thought it was pronounced Zoo-Zeal (and he responded to it) but we found out that his mom wanted it pronounced as Giselle. Nice kid but I still don't get what his mom was thinking! ;)
VikingMomSD, I don't know if it is the same person, but we had a La-a call into our workplace a few years ago for product support. My co-worker took the call, and in case the woman called back or needed an email confirmation my co-worker wrote out the name at her desk: "La Dash A, spelled La-a."
Another teacher here. I used to tell mothers-to-be that before they chose a name they should go stand at the back door, pretend that they're really angry, and shout it from the top of their lungs. Try bellowing, "Unique Destiny! Get in this house right now!" and if the neighbors laugh hysterically, you should probably consider a different name.
<skipping off to you tube now because suddenly I have an irresistible urge to watch Paul Simon and Chevy Chase engage in synchronized dance moves>
Heh, I just recently made friends with a woman named Feather and her daughter Meadow. Last name Tribe. I believe they are of native descent, but it did throw me a bit. Great for people like me that never remember names. I haven't had any issues with those two.
I went to school with a Sparkle...and a Comfort... and a very lovely girl called Honey Graham.
Thank you Alison in Indiana! I may be old and dumb, but I'm not dumb enough to confuse Ishtar for Eostre. Although they are probably two names for the same aspect of the Earthmother (aka Gaia); the Greeks called her Persephone. Spring, fertility, whatever. April, May, June-- the fecund months.
I worked for a Christmas charity several years, and I came across some real head-shakers. Some were probably ethnic, but "Damned"? With or without an accent over the 'e', just--no. Another child who'll need therapy because his mother hadn't mastered basic spelling rules: Demon. Pronounced " Da-mone", I assume. Another name I don't remember, just that there was no way to arrive at the desired pronunciation with the combination of letters given; also the mother's chip-on-the-shoulder attitude. Tired of correcting mispronunciations? Learn to spell!
Banjo? Like in Banjo-Kazooie the video game (nerd here)
Victory Song is River's little sib.
The target cake was so ghastly that no one noticed that "birthay" isn't spelled correct. They totally missed the "D."