Jen Tells An Easter Story
March 20, 2013 Gather round, little Easter cakes, and I'll tell you a story.
;)
"Is it a scary story?"
Yes.
;)
"But I don't LIKE scawwy stowies."
TOUGH.
;)
Oh, ok, ok. I'm sorry. Don't cry. Hey, you know what? It actually ISN'T a scary story, it's a happy, funny story.
So Wilhelm, you can stop holding your breath now:
;)
[PHEEEW!]
Ok, here we go.
Once upon a time - a really FUNNY, HAPPY time - a group of bunny rabbits found a field filled with the most enormous carrots.
;)
"Did one of the rabbits have all his legs sprouting from his chest upside down and backwards, too?
Yeah, sure.
;)
"Yay! Harold's in the story!"
Yes, yes, it's wonderful.
Shaddup.
Ok. So. Suddenly, the giant carrots in the field rose up and ATE ALL THE BUNNIES.
;)
And the bunnies were all, "AAA! We're being eaten by giant carrots!"
;)
[pause]
"Uh, that doesn't seem very happy OR funny...."
Well, the rabbits thought it was very funny to be eaten.
;)
***
Now why are YOU guys crying?
;)
[sniffling] "You said this was a GOOD story."
It is! I just haven't gotten to the best part yet! See, next a bunch of little chickens came along and found these ENORMOUS chocolate chip cookies lying around. And then the FUNNIEST thing ever happened. Haha! Can you guess? Well, can you?
;)
You know what, never mind. It's nap time. THE END.
;)
Thanks to Caroline V., Allison N., Rachael J., Adash, Brian & Courtney, KJ, Robin G., Carrie M., Anne B., Su M., Twist, & Larissa B. for helping show why I'm such a terrible babysitter.
Reader Comments (71)
Why do the chicks have umbrellas? Is this a normal accessory in the poultry world?
Best story ever!!!!!!
@ Craig that's pretty much how every
conference call I've had to sit in on at
my store goes
Wonderful wreckyness!! I laughed so hard I almost choked,
So I'm scrolling through this and smiling, and then I get to the chick sandwiches. And start screaming with laughter. So awful! Maybe Chik-Fil-A can start serving these for dessert?
And the bunnies that are being eaten by carrots look like they're part squid.
put yesterday's post together with today's post and I'm BEGGING someone to audio record this!! lol
the carrots eating bunnies are just precious.
no offense, Jen, but I wouldn't let you dog sit (my dog's a real weenie who sat shivering during a mild rainstorm tonight- I can't imagine is wussy little self would survive one of your bedtime stories)
@Craig thanks for the flashback to my retail daze. ugh.
Carrot two-point-oh:
now forty-five percent more
carnivorous. Yum.
Note from Haiku Joy: This haiku written by the real Mr. Haiku. I couldn't make my haiku work, but he just pulled this one off the top of his head, fully-formed. My hero. :-)
Well drats. Those cookies ate those cute little chicks and then evil carrots came and ate all our peep bunnies! Now I have nothing for Easter! Lol other than to die laughing from these. Loved the story :).
Awwww, just ONE more story, Aunty Jen? Just one? We're not *yawn* sleepy at all! Honest!
Seriously, what are you talking about, bad babysitter? You would make the best babysitter ever.
The peeps eaten by carrots are pure genius. They should be an Easter staple from now on.
@Andrea, Little Shop Of Horrors FTW! The original movie, of course. How it got to be a musical and then a musical movie I'll never know.
@KarateLady & @Barbara Anne, you're welcome. @Ana, the weird part is, I've never worked in a grocery or department store, I just know the mentality from observation (and from my Mom's stories about early morning "pep rallies" at a store that is very fond of the color red). "Early morning" and "pep rally" are phrases that to me are the verbal equivalent of like magnetic poles; they refuse to join together in my mind. I can do 'early' or I can do 'peppy'. You decide which one you want, Pointy-Haired Boss.
@Haiku Joy - Love it!! (We were about to send out a search party!) Maybe Mr. Haiku can fill in here when you're busy grading English papers... :-)
@Craig - Ah-HA!! A Dilbert fan!!! :-) Good ol' mom tells like it is, huh? My brother-in-law left that red-loving store years ago when he realized what they were up to. Unfortunately, Amazon is ruining his current gig - not sure how much longer the brick n mortar bookstores can last. :-(
@Craig, I've had a couple of jobs where I had to say "Good Morning". I choke a little on the "Good" each time. I'm the kind of girl who will very pleasantly tell you what time of day it is. :-\
And my former place of employment (that place you guys aren't holding against me...) is very fond of morning/afternoon/midnight meetings. One of my co-workers actually punctured a lung doing morning stretches. No joke!
@KarateLady, 4-D bookstores (without duration, they don't actually exist) will always have their place; browsing a website just isn't the same as wandering through a properly designed bookstore on a rainy Saturday afternoon. A properly designed bookstore has lots of little nooks and crannies; it is kind of like a giant English muffin, only with books instead of butter. [Heads to kitchen]
@Jodee in WA, your anecdote proves that there are some things that simply ought not to be done. We need to increase public awareness of the dangers of morning exercise. I'll get right on it after lunch.
Do Jen and john (thoJ) produce the world's funniest blog first thing in the morning? Nay! They do it when all creative people are most active: the hours of Not Morning. I suspect they don't have many meetings, either, which is further proof of how clever they are.
The opening reminded me of the "Invader Zim" Christmas episode :)
Obviously, the peeps "being eaten by carrots" are not. They are wannabe carrot jockeys who mounted the wrong steed... of death! Thanks for making me laugh today :)
(sniff) I LOVE YOU PEOPLE
Don't stop now. Another story, please? PLEASE?!
"Yay! Harold's in the story!"
Yay indeed!
I suppose it's too late to suggest this...(I wish I would have read this sooner, but I'm a little behind on my cakewrecks reading), but I can just see Ellen DeGeneres sitting on the floor on her show with a small group of very good child actors sitting around her, playing out this 'script' while the pictures are shown behind them for the adults only to see (wouldn't really want to traumatize the children). :) lol But, seriously, I wish you would send this to her people, although I suppose you would have to get permission from all of these bakers and that could take awhile. Too bad it can't be on her show by Thursday. :(
I laughed so hard I cried! Brilliant!!!!!!
I kind of felt like the bunny with his limbs turned around looked like he was giving a thumbs up. Like, "Giant carrots? Rock on, man!"
The bunnies and chicks look like Furby's.