Completely Inappropriate First Birthday Cakes
March 1, 2013 I'm pretty sure most one-year-olds will never remember their first birthday cakes, which is why I'm here to provide an invaluable service: reminding little E.J. that her (yes, her) parents got her this:
;)
Any guesses on what EJ will be getting for her 12th birthday?
Correct me if I'm wrong, parents, but I think age one is a little young for boys to be discovering their bananas, IF you know what I mean.
And if you don't, just look at this:
;)
Don't worry, George, all monkeys get curious eventually.
Things I'm Pretty Sure One-Year-Olds Like:
- Cheerful colors
- Cute animals
- Putting things in their mouths
- Pooping
Thing I'm Pretty Sure One-Year-Olds Do NOT Like:
- Guys with guns
- Who are shooting cute animals
;)
This next one isn't a first birthday cake; it's a christening cake. So little John was, what? A couple of days old maybe? Right. SOMEONE GET THAT KID A GUINNESS.
;)
Honestly I don't know what all is happening here, or what in that mess is considered edible. And I think I spied a tiny plastic poodle in a Santa hat in front of that tree stump with a face before my brain broke.
;)
(ACTUAL CONVERSATION I JUST HAD WITH JOHN:
John: [seeing cake] "What is THAT? Hahaha! He must be Irish, huh?"
Me: "What?! That is a terrible stereotype! How dare you!"
John: "There's a pot of gold and a shamrock."
Me: [looking] "Oh. Right. Ok, maybe they're Irish.")
;)
"But you look good for your age, Levi. Really. And hey, one is the new six months! I read it in Vogue!"
;)
Something here just doesn't add up.
And finally...
Please let his last name be Johnson. Please let his last name be Johnson. PleaselethislastnamebeJohnson.
;)
Thanks to Anita T., Amy N., Jill B., Amber, D'arcy, Vinny A., & Melissa M. for the memorable first impressions.
Reader Comments (73)
Sharyn, Haikujoy and Suebee you were in rare form today :D
As for the cakes O_o I am beginning to figure out why other countries accuse us of corrupting our young D:
For the record...my now 12yo boy discovered his banana at about 8 months old. Was *delighted* with his discovery, by the way, LOL! But yeah...don't be pointing it out on a cake. Gah.
Hooter's is totally wrong for a first birthday.
i guess that peter peters would just be too strange, huh?
Wow, EVERYBODY was TERRIFIC today!!!
And I got...nothin'... <sigh> Y'all beat me to it! :-)
Baby, baby, baby, maybe next week...
Can't cha see I'm on...a losing streak. I can't get no...(Bwah wah wah....) satisfac... Uh...ideas for commenting! :-)
I'm pretty sure EJ was probably conceived in a Hooters. That is the ONLY logical explanation for that cake.
AND
on the Irish christening cake I'm fairly certain the poodle is really snoopy WEARING a Santa hat. For this I have no explanation.
I'm still peeing a little from laughing so hard at the last cake. Mostly it was the commentary that went with it
Sharyn's comment needs to be included in the body of this post. Seriously. That song was the icing on these inappropriate cakes.
(shakes head in dismay, decides to turn off 'puter to read a normal, healthy book; realizes only "new" book by the bed is true tales of serial killers*)
what's with the gray poo piles on the over-the-hill cake??
*written by crime reporters- it's not a manual, you freaks! I'm not dangerous.
LOL, speaking of the last cake, I have a friend named Peter Johnson... cracks me up when I think about it or say his name (of course I've never let *him* know that, heh heh)
At least SJ (he of the backwards 1), is the FIRST SJ. Perhaps his parents plan on having more:)
BAMBI saw a theatrical re-release during my toddler/preschool years. I'm not exactly sure what year it was or how old I was, but I do know that it was the first film I (partly) saw in the theater, and that my mother had to leave with me because I was so upset by the hunting scene. Great choice for a child's birthday cake. :-/
Lol I love the Hooters cake. They do have excellent hot wings. But that owl was at least cute. No clue what to think of the baby on a toilet drinking. Just..my brain explodes when I even try to figure out what the wreckerators were thinking on this one. That or whoever ordered it that way lol.
My discovery for the evening is that if you're on your second glass of wine while reading this blog, you miss quite a few details. Fortunately, there are several sober commenters who help point them out.
Parent who order a Hooters cake for a 1-year-old should be shot. End of discussion.
And the whole Irish/St. Patrick's Day cake defies any explanation.
The one that made me bust out laughing was the 2 cake for a first birthday. That is just awesomely deranged.
@Barbara Anne, are you saying that #5 has Grey Poupon?
Okay, I see what happened with the first cake.
The parents probably didn't know about the restaurant, they just saw an owl and thought "aww how cute!"
Alas, 1 is not too young to discover a 'banana.' My son's banana is by far his favorite toy. It explains so much. :)
@Craig- are you a stalker? I just opened a new jar of that yesterday!!
;)
That second to last cake (haha-second!) looks like number 2 but it's really number 1. Haha I know bad pun.
Why has no-one noticed that the hunting cake features a bear wearing antlers?
IT'S A BEAR. AND IT'S WEARING ANTLERS.
The dude going down to the woods with his teeny wee gun really IS in for a big surprise...
I'm pretty sure GUINNESS STOUT used to have an advertising slogan to the tune of, "A BABY IN EVERY BOTTLE." It was suggested that pregnant mothers have a Guinness per day to fill out important minerals for the baby's development.
I literally woke my son up laughing so hard at the last cake.
The over the hill cake was my kid's cake. My sister found it posted here. We thought it was ironic. We saw it at Costco, and it just made us laugh. Apparently we have a weird sense of humor.
What will EJ get for her 12th birthday? The way girls are growing these days it won't be "HOOTERS". She'll have those by the time she's 10, like my daughter.