8 Cakes For Completely Inappropriate Occasions
July 27, 2012 I'm a firm believer in celebrating just about everything with cake, and from the submissions you guys send in I'm clearly not the only one. However, there's celebrating, say, a new vasectomy or Daddy's parole, and then there's the stuff that some people might consider, well, inappropriate cake material.
Not me, of course. No sir! Heck, I say, you wanna get pregnant? Then SAY IT WITH CAKE:
Or you're happy you DIDN'T get pregnant? Say THAT with cake.
Let's say your friend Cory suffered a nasty seizure recently. That warrants a cookie cake, right?
(Remember, kids: It's "i before e except after c." Except in the word "seizure.")
And remember that time your friend lost a finger to the lawn mower? Just in case he doesn't, let's remind him! With cake!
I like how this is less a "get well" cake, and more an "IN YOUR FACE! With love from the Lawn Mower" cake.
Driving while intoxicated is a serious crime, so be sure to tell your friends you won't stand for such behavior. Also with cake.
I like to imagine the candles are mini breathalyzers.
(How cool would that invention be? Right? I'll make millions. MILLIONS, I say!)
The world is too success-oriented. We should be sending a better message to younger generations. A message that says, "Hey, no matter what, at least you'll get a cake out of this."
Dangit. Why don't I know any lady farmers to give this to? WHY?!
;)
(PS - You misspelled "Awesome." But I'll let it slide, because melons.)
And finally, my favorite:
;)
Hang on... we get cake for that?
Thanks to Anony M., Katelyn, KG, Paul S., Paige S., April B., & Stephanie K. for the inspiration.
Reader Comments (105)
#1 So there IS a 'polite' way to express incredulity.
#4 Since the 'alien driving a car' has already been noted (ahem)... Theardare finds the torture of a really bad song so much more...exquisite. Not that the song is tortured, though I can think of many that should be. Until they issue an abject apology for being recorded and confess that they were composed by terrorists.
#5 "No more DW1"? DW1 must be something bad, if the end of it deserves a cake with laser candles.
#6 At least the dropout got sprinkles.
#7 It's about time that Farmer Appreciation Day was acknowledged. Or maybe it's Farmer's Daughter Appreciation Day.
#8 This was the prequel to #1. Evidently the recipient is a little slow on the uptake.
Alternate theory: This is the cake equivalent of those oh-so-funny situations that arise when someone forgets to log out of Facebook and his 'friends' decide to 'update' his status.
Caroline B: I hereby declare my never ending love for you!
(Yup, I've watched Silence of the Lambs quite a few times, too)
I myself am epileptic and have experienced many grand mal seizures in my life but I must say Cory has discovered something I haven't. None of mine have ever been celebratory occasions--perhaps the difference is cake. I can honestly say I never thought of having a seizure cake. Maybe I'll try that.
WHAT THE....??? LOL!!!!
Love these cakes. Why not have a cake for every occasion and not always be focused on the good. Congrats on failing the more. Better luck next time could be another time to have cake. I just wonder if anyone ate the part of that last cake that said vagina. At least Mikey will eat it since he eats everything at least he does according to that commercial.
I'm guessing the final one was for a completed transition?
This is so funny; a much-needed laugh! And Sharyn has the funniest comment of the year! ;D Seriously, that is your best song yet! The Little Mermaid would be...uh...proud...???
Last cake, Lady Gaga in one of her bondage outfits, presenting said cake to all the newsies that say she's really a man. Hey, it makes sense. Unlike some of these cakes.
Been reading thru your archives and had to comment on this one. I mean, well... there are just no words. Lots of forehead/palm <whispers> why???? Great commentary as well! And Sharyn, I have every word of that movie memorized but will be singing your version from now on. Thanks for that!
Craig - hee, hee! Especially that part about the last cake being a pre-cake-quel to the first... :-)
Sharyn, you're always brilliant, but this time you're really, really, REALLY BRILLANT!! We simply *must* record a CD (ok an MP3 collection) of your parodies! I nominate my daughter to sing them (she has a lovely voice!) or perhaps we can put a band together - you, me, your son, my daughter, Jen, John (thoj), perhaps Craig, Andrea, Haiku Joy, zoomom, Barbara Anne...hmmm think the recording booth might be a little packed? Perhaps if we used the one where they recorded "We Are the World"?
Yep, dated myself. So what?! A Ninja fears *nothing*. (Except maybe when her daughter starts dating...or maybe that's when those would-be boyfriends should fear ME..."have her home by ten, UNtouched, OR ELSE!!!)
Out of all the years of reading comments and thinking about posting, Sharon has finally motivated to come out of the lurking shadows and speak up. That song was BRILLIANT!! It had to be sung aloud and my coworkers thought it was funny on it's own, but when i had them come look at the photos, they howled.
Jen et al, you guys are great. When I am having a yucky day at work, your daily snippits of humor help me make it through.
@Julie - reminds me of my nephew when he was about 8 or 9 and his mom asked him what he learned in Sex-Ed that day...his response: "Boys have penises and girls have agendas."
The best part of the last cake was the look on my 15 year old son's face.
First time poster here; the lawnmower cake finally got me to react. That Is Hilarious!
I so liked the "I got my period" cake. Maybe she should have one every month.
I don't actually have a vagina of my own, but I'm quite happy borrowing my wife's from time to time. I'd gladly buy cake.
My English teacher friends would die about the i-before-e thing. They've stopped teaching the rule because there are too many words in English that don't apply! Hooray for random facts.
... I cannot think of any reason for ever getting a cake to proclaim their genitalia. Thank goodness it wasn't in the shape of one? Erk.
Wait...are those flowers on that last cake or.....?
Boys got the shaft.
Did anyone else notice the Cake Wrecks-inspired gigantic baby during the Olympics opening ceremony? Matt Lauer definitely used the phrase "I don't know if that's cool or creepy."
You only get a cake for your vagina if you only recently got it.
Hmm. I wonder if Chaz Bono got a "I have a penis" cake? I hope he did.
I saw that last cake as a reminder to a reluctant, but hopefully future, lover. Sort of my current situation, but I know he knows I have one! Maybe I should add "that I want to use!" to my cake. ROFL
I like to think the last cake was a birthday treat ordered by the Pat character from Saturday Night Live so everyone can finally know the truth. Everyone likes cake, right? I wonder if anyone made a joke about getting the piece with the v-word on it.
Read to the tune of the nursery rhyme "This is the house that Jack built".
This is flowers, hearts, candles petite
This is the white cake, innocent and sweet
That opposited the flowers, hearts, candles petite
This is the happy cookie for cory
that liked the white cake, innocent and sweet
that opposited the flowers, hearts, candles petite
This is the 4 fingered hand gory
that smiled at the happy cookie for cory
that liked the white cake, innocent and sweet
that opposited the flowers, hearts, candles petite
This is the letters initialed
that sighed at the 4 fingered hand gory
that smiled at the happy cookie for cory
that liked the white cake, innocent and sweet
that opposited the flowers, hearts, candles petite
This is the congrats not misspelled
that shorthanded the letters initialed
that sighed at the 4 fingered hand gory
that smiled at the happy cookie for cory
that liked the white cake, innocent and sweet
that opposited the flowers, hearts, candles petite
This is the awesome green fruit
that envied the congrats not misspelled
that shorthanded the letters initialed
that sighed at the 4 fingered hand gory
that smiled at the happy cookie for cory
that liked the white cake, innocent and sweet
that opposited the flowers, hearts, candles petite
This is the cake for women, no dispute
that joined the awesome green fruit
that envied the congrats not misspelled
that shorthanded the letters initialed
that sighed at the 4 fingered hand gory
that smiled at the happy cookie for cory
that liked the white cake, innocent and sweet
that opposited the flowers, hearts, candles petite
I agree with other posters -- the greatest irony is that the cake for the high school dropout actually has the word "Congratulations" spelled correctly. Unbelievable.
However, the rest of the decor on that cake is a complete fail. What a conglomeration of unappetizing colors and . . . . . um. . . . . .attempts at piping? Topped with those sprinkles?
And why you would celebrate the loss of part of your finger with a cake? It's beyond me!
Well I want a vagina cake too dang it. This proves there is a cake for EVERYTHING. Wow I can think of many things to get cake for but this.. this is one that has me laughing and demanding my cake right now.
What is the cake going to look like when the person gets DW40?
Please tell me the vigina cake was not red velvet.
@Just Me
DWI stands for "Driving While Intoxicated". A DWI charge means an arrest was made for drunk driving.
Karate Lady, I have to agree on the daughter dating thing. (I don't have a daughter yet -- and I'm sure of that -- but I'm just sayin'.) If the guy steps outside the bounds, I'd have a 'chat' with him, then introduce him to Theardare. Then, depending on what exactly transpired before, my wife, my daughter and I could have a nice, heartwarming discussion about a grounding that would be the stuff of legend. An oblique reference to it would instill competence in the most shambolic wreckorator ever to emerge from a pod. Which is why I hope never to have to have that conversation -- I don't want there to be any interruption in the supply of grist for Jen's mill.
@Karate Lady I don't know anyone I dislike enough to sing in front of them (Vogon poetry is a poor second in the torture division) but I will happily clap in time and do squeaky, horrible offkey sounds on cue. ;)
I cannot be the only one wondering if the DWI cake was rum cake.
I'm working on body parts with my toddler right now. While we're going for the politer ones right now, eventually we're going to get around to naming the part that allows him to be... a him. And when he masters that one, maybe we'll get a cake :P
@LindaLu - that is hilarious :D
What happened to Saturday's post? I miss it. Are you going to merge it with the Sunday Sweets to have Sweets that are similar to Wrecks but a lot nicer? That would be cool.
Barbara Anne -- Don't worry. Squeaky, offkey sounds during a Little Mermaid parody will just sound like a dolphin chorus. (You'll notice I'm not offering to sing AT ALL. I'm a humanitarian -- and my cats wouldn't like it, either.)
KarateLady -- I'd forgotten about "We Are the World" -- which I remember debuting. I think we're dating each other (don't tell my husband.) Of course, the CW parody would be "We are Poo Swirled."
Tor2ga (love the username!): Maybe they should have gone with Georgia O'Keefe style flowers, rather than the more traditional roses!
Sharyn, haven't posted in a while, but WOW! Sang it all the way through and giggled muchly! Looking forwards to showing it to my 15yr old. Thank you so much for a great start to Monday
dying of laughter here... esp. the last one. thank you for this post.
The lawn mower looks like a remote control car with a kid trapped inside. But, if it really cuts grass, i want one!
ROTFLMAO at that last one, for THREE very good reasons:
1. This is #1 because this is ALL this cake makes me think of: My 3yr-old says, oh, at least three times a day, "Mommy, I have a vagina!" When I saw the cake, all I was thinking was, "Hmm, I outta get that for Sam". Bwahaha!
2. Um, hello??? It says "I Have a Vagina"! Awesomeness.
3. Your response. I just LOVE your response.
Thank you for this one, Jen. :)
I haven't read through all the comments, so someone may have already said this, BUT the "Congratulations on not getting teen pregnant" is totally a 20th birthday cake. My preferred method of expressing this is "Congratulations for beating teen pregnancy" but it comes down to the same thing: a smartass way to say "Happy 20th birthday, my dear female friend."
Looking back at some wrecks that I missed.
Anyone notice that the "lawn mower" cake says "right hand" but is showing a picture of the left?
Just saying...
I can see the last cake being given to a man who made a particularly sissy decision (in his freinds' opinion, anyway) and they decided to get him a cake to call his manhood into question--or just go ahead and negate his manhood altogether.
I'm betting the vagina cake was to celebrate a sex change operation. Why else would it be noteworthy to have one? And perhaps the melons cake went with a boob job :-).
Cant stop laughing....omg last one was epic! I am telling my husband TONIGHT that I get a cake for having a vajay Jay!
Yay! I'm not the only one who saw the alien in the lawnmower cake! All this time we've been looking to the skies for aliens...when all along they were hiding in our yard maintenance tools...or posing as cake decorators!
If I'm going to be in a band, I insist on playing the cowbell.
I think the vagina cake is for a sex change procedure.
@ Beckerby
I saw a T-shirt suitable for your friend. It said "Yes, they're fake, the real ones tried to kill me."
Sometimes, Little Cake,
there are things we don't say in
front of company.