No Accounting For Taste
April 15, 2011 Hey, did you know that the income tax deadline here in the U.S. has been pushed back 'til Monday?
(I'll pause here to allow those of you whooping for joy to catch your breath.)
Well, if you're like me, this means you might want to get started on your taxes sometime today, or this weekend, or maybe even Monday morning. After all, as a wise man once said, "[remember to insert procrastination quote before post goes up]!"
So, in our eternal quest to help you readers in the most sincere way possible using funny cakes, here is a complete, comprehensive guide for doing your taxes.
Step 1. Mix 2 ounces ea. of vodka, tequila, rum and gin - with a splash of Coke - and drink immediately.
Repeat until thoroughly snockered.(Note: if a poo-shaped fountain explodes from drink, you're doing it right)
Step 2. Pull shoebox of receipts from laundry hamper and take wild guess as to how much you spent last year.
(Be sure to deduct the sale price of those "Guccis.")Now add a zero.
This is your Adjusted Gross Expenditure Allowance Total Income Bracket, Article 1. Write this number down somewhere. Preferably on something that won't run off.
This can include children, imaginary friends, other people's children, other people's imaginary friends' children, pets, favorite CDs, and certain plants. Refer to Article J, Paragraph 42, Section 3.14159 on "Ficus Financials," for more information.Step 4. Write down all information in a legible manner:
Step 5. Go to the nearest ATM and empty your checking account, savings account, and pockets. This is what you owe.
It's always a good idea to send your payment in cash, and stuck to a cupcake. The IRS enjoys playful pranks like this, and will doubtless credit your account several hundred dollars in exchange for the laugh.
Well, we hope you've enjoyed our comprehensive tax guide. Now, if you need us, we'll just be vacationing somewhere you've never heard of outside U.S. jurisdiction.
Reader Comments (61)
This blog is hilarious! I just stumbled upon it and will definitely continue to follow it. Love it!
How your government works: You have until April 18 to file your taxes. If you file AFTER April 18, the government will charge interest back to April 15! Signed, Your friendly tax professional
geeeeeezzzzz it's all funny...LOL smurf with diverticulitis...hahahh
Dear IRS,
Please remove me from your mailing list as I no longer want to subscribe to your services.
Thank you,
Barbara Anne
(Ficus Financials?
Oh, you slay me!! Freakin' awesome.)
Oh man if I received that strawberry cake covered in purple poo frosting I am sure I would send the IRS on the person that did it lol. Scary truly scary what they can do to destroy a cake. I so wouldn't touch that first one with the poo straw..ugh.
Love how computers can pick out the words in your blog and assign a theme for the advertisements, as in "Accounting" + "Income Tax" = Turbo Tax ad. Perhaps you should try titles like "Proctology" to see what ads come up.
Oh, would someone send me a cupcake. I have to work on my taxes today.
Maybe I'm just really tired, but this one seems EXTRA hilarious this morning. I've already done my taxes (I'm a nerd, I do mine first thing), but I don't think it's too late to send the IRS a friendly cupcake and a nice tip, is it?
@ Loo-E Loo-I
Thanks for the answers to the Wacky Cash question. Cucumbers soaked in vinegar....doesn't that equal pickles? Sounds more like a pregnant woman's breakfast instead of a President's. Bleh!
Sharon's Edible Art
I'm sorry, but that first one seems to be an ode to the game "Pyramid." Can't you picture the winner's circle and the giver saying, "tampons, sperm" and the receiver replying, "things found in a vagina!" They both jump up and hug each other as Dick Clark announces their winnings.
taxes are easy if you use the skills you learn in High School math, 1) select a number, 2) multiply that number by zero, 3) add the correct answer, 4) eat cake while congratulating yourself on your time saving technique
Hmmm I wonder, what DID Ulysses S. Grant eat for breakfast every day...?