The Cake Cannibals
February 7, 2011 Once upon a time, a baker decided to ice a giant baby butt on a cake.
And so she did.
By turning it into a baby butt.The cake butt phenomenon took off like projectile vomit from a colicky infant. It was everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Otherwise rational women dreamed of eating chocolate-filled diapers. Grandmothers sliced up legs with abandon. Little children screamed in glee at the sight of adorably draped half bodies served up on platters. ("Aw, look, she's sobbing with glee!")
After a while, the original bakers got together again to munch on fondant toes and discuss their next "big thing." The vote was unanimous: they needed much larger bodies of work.
Literally.
"If eating baby butt is sweet, then eating mom boobs will be AMAZING," the bakers exclaimed.
And so, they did.
Just about everyone loved the mom boob & belly combo, but there were a few complaints from the moms-to-be. Not that their cake effigies were being eaten, of course, but that their cake effigies weren't sexy enough.
Quickly the bakers arrived at a solution: the cantaloupes would be made much larger than the watermelon ("if you catch our drift"), and mom's cakey doppelgänger would be dressed in only the raciest of lingerie, the better to emphasize how she ended up in her present glowing condition.
And so it was.
And, once again, everyone was happy.At this point the bakers fell into a deep depression. "We've done it all!" they moaned. "What more can we possibly achieve now that women are eating both baby butts *and* mom torsos?"
Which is when they realized: the only thing better than eating a mom torso or baby toes was eating them both together.
Quickly a new decree went out: push that lingerie aside! It's time to show off the baby inside the belly. And then EAT THEM BOTH. Haha!
Remember to keep that melon ratio, though.Until they discovered gelatin.
[ear-splitting scream][of glee]
Thanks to Jessica M., Candace G., Jessica T., Germaine, Jessica G., Sarah M., Taylor F., & Ruth T., who think that's one heckuva womb with a view.
Reader Comments (300)
I wish I could remember the last thing I wanted to unsee to wash away that baby suspended in gelatin. That is revolting!
*shudders*
I'm in total agreement with the teddy bear on the second cake: clutching at my heart and fainting
(in glee, as you can tell from the slight smile).
OMG!! I have not been astounded by a cake post on here in awhile, but that last cake is truly horrifying! I even showed my kids (ages 10 and 8) and they literally jumped back from the computer and screamed. WHAT were they thinking??
Okay, these actually make me [i]glad[/i] I didn't have a baby shower! Yeesh.
OH, OH, OH > I have never in all the time I have been reading CW, yelled out loud at a post. This is the first. I think I actually yelped. I will not be sleeping tonight.
To be honest, until someone mentioned it, I didn't even notice that the "Farewell Baby Noh" cake had pieces cut out of the leg. I think I was staring (in glee!) at the writing and wondering if the stomach was supposed to be saying farewell to the baby in anticipation of its departure from the womb. (I don't know, maybe I'm giving the wreckorator too much credit here. One who would make a cake like that most likely isn't blessed with an overabundance of good sense or logic.)
Loo-E Loo-I: My daughter and I love that quote from CatCF! We use it whenever we can fit it into a conversation, and sometimes even when we can't. :-)
Um... thanks for reminding us that once something has been seen, it cannot be un-seen. (shudder)
Oh.dear.God.
I just really wasnt expecting that last cake.
But its going to take years of therapy or a lot of drugs to get that picture out of my head....
that last one makes me question the sanity of the baker
*closes eyes*
No no no no no!
*whimpers*
totally caught off guard with the last one...you've taken me to a place I never wanted to go. I gasped out loud and covered my mouth (just in case). Ick.
These cakes disturb me. So. Freaking. Much. D:
holy crap! i don't think i've ever actually screamed while viewing a wreck, but that last gelatin one really threw me! it was seriously one of the scariest things i have ever seen. i think my eyes almost popped out they were so wide with shock. what possesses people to make things like this?!?!?!?! gahh
AAAAHHHH!!!! WTF?! *hurk*
And, I'm also a little freaked out by the one that says "Farewell"... where exactly is the baby going? Wait...I don't want to know.
Sigh. So much for evolution. My only thought's were: 1) If it's aspic, I'm gonna hurl; and 2) Bury it in sulfer, dig it up a year later and call it 1000-year old problem child.
Pretty mild considering the site I visted before this was Oddee and it was featuring anatomically correct cakes. Talk about vivisection and cannabalism.
what is seen cannot be unseen, you did warn us, but oh! the humanity!
OK, it may not have been ear-splitting, but I definitely let out a high-pitched exclamation at that last cake. That thing is just plain wrong.
There have been a lot of awful cakes on here, and that was unquestionably the worst one.
OH MY GOD THE NIGHTMARES
That's the last time I read this blog while eating my lunch!
I'm a laborist, and once, I swear to cake, the baby slid out of its mother while she was in the wheelchair on her way up to L&D. Without her water breaking. It looked pretty much exactly like that last cake: a baby in a fishbowl. Freaky.
The first boob cake almost looks like a face! The gelatin cake *huhh?* is the second worst thing I've seen, worst being "meatloaf baby" :-o love the blog! Caulfield560
So so so very glad I'm not pregnant right now. Once you put something like that out into the universe it comes back again and again and again.
I don't comment here very often, but I have to say this:
OMG
yeah, that last one was absolutely awful!!!!!!
but did anyone else notice that one the second cake (the wrinkly baby with mutilated rabbit stuffie beside it)... it says, "congratulation"... no "s" at the end.
which just adds one. more. layer to the horror. LOL
Why? In the name of all that is good... why?
Gelatin baby is the worst cake I've ever seen. Ever. E V E R
Brain bleach, anyone?
OH GOD, WHY????
wv: cutchiza - please don't ever make a cake effigy of my cutchiza
That last one is magically digusting. *Shudder*
Most scariest post ever @_@ ..
Oh wow, I can't wait to show that last one to my husband, a professional baker. That will make his day...well you know what I mean.
I never realized how glad I would be that human bellies are not transparent. Yikes! I was really beginning to think those cakes were extremely unappetizing. And then the Jello! The good news is that I think I can now make it through the day without snacking.
that last cake is how i imagine the "birthing" scene in the last Twilight movie will look...
Is it just me, or does that gelatin baby look sort of like it's holding out a fist and giving us the finger?
So funny yet so gross!
That last one was so wrong. Why would you even eat a cake like that?
Seriously, I think you need to send out a warning before hitting us with that last cake; I had children in the room! "What's that, mommy?" (Quickly Scrolling) "Nothing honey, look at this pretty flag cake!"
The only thing that I could imagine being worse would be of a cesarean-section-in-action belly cake. With jello.
Um...wow, no words. I really didn't see that coming.
I think the farewell cake might have been for an office party on the mom's last day before leave. Or maybe they sold the baby. ;)
Oh. My. Gods.
That's it, I got nuthin' else...
OMG, that last one! AIEEEEEEEEE!!!
I am sending you the bill for my PTSD therapy.
That last image will stay with me forever.
It's a Zombie baby and it's hungry for brains!
YUCK! Enough said! YOU scare me!!!
Loved your storyline for this post. I wondered why you were covering familiar territory-- then I saw that last cake.
Cake #2 is horribly lumpy, and I agree with @Jo about the chocolate-loaded butt.
Cake #3, 4 and 5 are as well done as that style can get, although that "Farewell Baby Noh" IS disconcerting. Unless it's for a young stripper who went by the stage name "Baby No" (but made a bit more subtle by spelling it "Noh") and now that she's pregnant she has to leave her job?
Do I dare ask what mohawk baby is made of? What the oozing white is around the gel base is? or what is happening to the dress in front? And most importantly... did the guests at that party eat that shudder-inducing cake?!
That was a prime example of exponential growth..of uncomfortableness!!!
OMG ... they're bad. My baby shower cake was a plain white-iced cake with a cute little keepsake teddy bear ornament and some sugar-flowers on top. What the hell is wrong with these people that they feel the need to make these unbelievably disturbing cakes???
Also, that last one is like a trainwreck ... don't want to stare, but it's so horriffic you just can't look away. *shudder*
Elizabeth
Sydney, Australia.
EEEEEKK!!!! That last one is so horrifying! Make it go away!
I'm so glad I saw that last one in the afternoon-plenty of time to erase all my memories before bedtime. Yeesh-that one is sure to cause some terrible nightmares!
Is it just me, or does the "baby" on - or should I say IN - the last one have one huge, muscular arm and one tiny one?
-Jacob
wv: wersc. These are some of the wersc cakes I've ever seen.
Oh. my. word! That last one is horrific! Who...WHO in their right mind thinks that's appropriate? As if the torso cakes weren't bad enough!