No Offense
October 8, 2010 Since our posts here on CW invariably manage to offend someone - carrot lovers, grammar Nazis, Canadians - we've decided that *today's* commentary won't be offensive to anyone. Literally. In fact, it's going to be SO inoffensive that I'm trying not to fall asleep as I type thikjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj
Huh? What? Where am I? Oh, yeah, non-offensive.
I forgot to mention that I'll be randomly choosing cakes from our archives, so there's really no telling what cakes we'll end up with. Rest assured that the commentary will be completely inoffensive, though. Promise.
Okay, here goes. Our first cake is #4,312:
"Hey-o! Are those supposed to be balloons, or, like, what?"Huh, this inoffensive stuff is easy! Nothing to it.
Okay, next we have cake #245...
Hm. Inoffensive. Okay. "Boy, oh boy! What a fine, upstanding reputable bird that is! I salute pay respect to the baker who came up with imagined this design! That's not a peacock, is it?"
Alright, so this is kind of hard difficult. I'm sure I'll do better on the next one, though.
Cake #8,062:
[biting lip] Uh. Hang on.[looks up e-mail]
Well, according to Stetson here, this is actually a bakery display in Colombia. [drumming fingers] Hm. Oh! I know: "Hey, was this decorated by gorillas or something?"
Yeah, I think I'm hitting my stride again. No *way* I'm going to offend anyone with that.
Next!
Cake #4,207:
[crickets chirping]#793:
OH COME ON!!Really?!?
Okay, last one. [Shaking digital dice] C'mon, inoffensive!
Cake #2,093:
I give up.Denise, Lisa M., Stetson J., Brindy W., Karin D., & Megan C., if you're still reading this, thanks. I think.
Reader Comments (163)
The Nazi cake IS offensive~can't believe any reputable baker would agree to that!
The Turkey/Peacock/Penis with feathers cake was VERY..uh..."interesting!"
Love love LOVE your website!
too freakin funny....people are crazy....I look forward to looking at these...I figure if you don't know what you are doing yet you do it anyway for people to see, then it deserves to be laughed at....
The Swastika cake is okay. Its not tilted. Straight up and down its an old symbol for good luck.
I am SOOOO OFFENDED!!
You know...
OFF-ENDED as in turned on my end...
...because I fell OFF my chair LAUGHING!
Jen, I know you've read this a thousand times already I'm sure, but don't change, don't stress the 3 people that decided they didn't want to laugh daily anymore, their loss. I mean, really, 3 people compared to the hundreds-NO-THOUSANDS who read your blog. You have a disclaimer, if they can't read it, then.. they...are..em.. illiterate? yea. That's it.
KEEP EM COMING!
P.S: Is it just me or did anyone else look at the columbia cake and go "What? That flame thing coming out from between the guys legs?" and didn't blink at the fact it's a Guerrilla cake?
WV: Cente - I cente chair flying when I was off-ended laughing at your post!
Miss Mina
http://velcrowallpaper.blogspot.com/
I think I've been hypnotized by the turkey/peafowl cake. Can't seem to look away...
There's a bakery near me called "Kathy's Kreative Kakes." I wonder if they made those cupcakes?
(Excuse me, kupkakes.)
How can you post Mel Brooks themed wrecks without offending someone? The Nazi flag would have been the perfect cake for the cast party for The Producers, and the ghosts cup cakes make me think of that scene in Blazing Saddles where Sheriff Bart and the Waco Kid infiltrate Hedley Lamar's recruitment line.
I was once in the tech crew for a community theatre production of The Sound Of Music at the local Jewish Center. Come intermission, all the smokers of the cast rushed outside for a cigarette. Nothing like seeing hoardes of nuns and nazis catching a smoke outside the Jewish center.
"Nein, you dumbkopf! Mein swastika is the wrong way around!"
...or maybe that was just a throwing-star design for a ninja-themed birthday.
The Swastika cake is ok, as long as the buyers got what they wanted. It's actually done pretty well. In fact, except for the first two cakes, all the other ones are rather fine. Sure, the cakes' themes might seem in poor taste, but that's not the baker's fault.
This post is offensive to narcoleptics. Especially dyslexic neo-Nazi Canadian narcoleptics. Probably not your core demographic.
Why are you trying SO hard not to offend anyone? I find that very offensive!! ;)
I understand why we can't offend the birds (they can be mean!), but why can't we offend guerrillas again?
Dear Jen, John and company,
Please hire Das.
The post was funny...but I about cried when I read it again through Das's eyes.
Wreck on!
That was fabulous. Dying laughing. Thanks for a great post!
o. ma. gawd. A turkey with man-boobs.
This was an hilarious post, that had me in stitches after a long, hard (oops, sorry), day.
I am amazed that it seems not to have occurred to anyone other than me that the picture of the swastika cake was merely posted backwards?
Keep up the fun and games, guys!
Even the comments are uplifting oops, sorry again. I especially like the one about the "swastiks-orientation" Too cute!
As Ricky Nelson once sang in "Garden Party", "...you can't please everyone, so you might as well please yourself"... words to live by. Especially in the CakeWrecking blogging business.
Wreck on! I've yet to be offended by ANYthing you've posted.
Merry from Annie's Book Stop
WV: debes - Jen and John have debes blog on the interwebs!
On the swastika, in that orientation (fits in a square, not a diamond) it is the symbol Hitler TOOK the swastika from -- the Chinese symbol for power. He ruined it, but that symbol was absolutely harmless and benign before he did. It remains innocuous in Chinese ancient cultural themes but probably doesn't belong on a cake because of misinterpretation.
As a Canadian, I'm offended!
Kidding :)
You did that post really well - I kept smiling a's they got harder to keep PC.
Have a great weekend ...
I'm Canadian & this site is too much fun to be offended about any of it. What a great post, Nazis, drunk babies & little KKK ghosties, hey, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, love it!
@Jeff-- nuns and nazis outside a JCC? love the mental image. Thanks for the guffaw.
@NAS -- now that's a brilliant ordering of the cakes for a conventional CW story line (ie if Jen wasn't trying to not offend they hypersensitive readers out there who've probably already left).
Love how on this blog, so many people know about the origins of the swastika, can tell it wasn't oriented correctly on the cake, and can launch into a debate about whether that was an error or not-- all without a single questionable hint of an opinion (ditto for the ghost/KKK cupcakes, which I suspect are meringues-- best comment there is about the cupcakes being chocolate)
Choking... on... laughter...
I love this blog and it's had me LOL more than once, but this time I got a guffaw out of Wendy P's term of "Kluxcakes." AHAHAHAHA!!!
I don't know who made the swastika cake, but was anyone else reminded of the family who named their child "Adolph Hitler Lastname" and couldn't find a bakery that would make him a birthday cake?
Who "saved" the day? Oh yes, the source of all things Klassy...WalMart!
WV = quipbola
Jen was affected by a severe quipbola infection and it stole all of her usual wit.
I had to laugh at the KKK cakes. The shops have started stocking Christmas decorations, and I saw som white porcelain Santa Clauses with hats, sans bobbles, that stood straight up. First time I've ever seen Klansmorons in Australia :D
@Shadow and all the sauvastika people - it's a swavastepcot.
@Daisy - does she make KupKake Kakes?
@Jen and John - you guys are awesome, brilliant, funny, and people who are that easily offended have no business being on teh interwebs in the first place. They probably get their knickers in a knot at the bad spelling on icanhascheezburger. They'll probably be terribly upset at my use of the word "knickers." Try not to let them get to you, so many of us love you.
I find this post highly insulting to heritage turkey breeders. Anyone can see that cake #245 is clearly not a peafowl, but an adolescent broad-breasted bronze tom. As if the public does not already have disastrous misconceptions about these fascinating creatures, now we must contend with ignorance of the cake and icing variety. Shame on you and your tasty, tasty propaganda.
...Did I win an internets?
you *totally* just offended narcoleptics everywhere! shame on you! That was hilarious...
AGAIN.
Cake # 4,207 -- just asking... is that blood on the floor behind the baby beer bottle pistol?
btw - love the 'difficult' turkey.
~~Di
So, the ones in the last photo are going to be made into a KKK CCC?
ugh.. why is the first one wet...
Wtf??
Babies, booze, handguns and ARGYLE!! How offensive can you get- do you know how many argyles died to make that cake! Irresponsible- that’s what you are!!!
BTW, was this “the best defense is no offense” thinking on your part??
-Barbara Anne
OMG- my verification word is "pulsenag" (as in: if you have a pulse nag Jen & John)
The pedant in me says that there is a difference between ghost cakes and KKK cakes: ghosties have a cute little curl on their quiff. At least, according to Ghostbusters they do...
She (yes, the pedant is a she) also says to Andy at 3.16pm: Did the lack of a "u" html tag prevent you from putting in the http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/12/when-gangsters-go-pc.html" rel="nofollow">underline? Or were you going for the even more minimalist version, the "single full stop"?
Hopefully she's out of my system now. Thankyou for another hilarious post!
I so needed a good laugh!
LOL that was funny as heck.
Canadians don't get offended...and if we do, we apologize
I can't stop laughing. The peacock one is so funny! Oh man, please please please don't ever change! :-D
p.s. wonder if the baker doing the nazi cake wrecked it on purpose making the arms face to the left instead of the right?
Nazi cake deserves to be wrecked. They should of added airbrushing and sprinkles and some random balloons.
@WolverineGirl-it's NOT a swavastepcot, that's just what tourists call it. It's actual NAME is Swavesteship Earth.
oh my goodness!! i had to throw my head back laughing at the last one
My husband, on seeing the turkey, said "gee, when I was in school, they had us use our hand for the outline..."
Oh my goodness.. I cannot stop laughing..though I am wondering who the heck orders a swastika cake???? Oh don't answer.. I am too afraid to know.. even wreckerators wreck offensive things this is good to know..
The swastika cake is really the least offensive.
As others have mentioned, it is a Buddhist symbol (the nazi swastika is mirrored and rotated). Red is a Chinese symbol for good fortune. (The white is probably for contrast).
I don't think we should expect an ancient symbol to be abandoned because of its one perversion.
The bird on cake #245 is clearly the rare and beautiful poocock.
WV "ressess": after viewing these abominations I must have a ressess to recover...
I was actually asked once to put a swastika on a cake! I worked at a hotel and the head chef was Swiss. He wanted a cake for Hitler's birthday. I am not making this up. (He claimed it was for a joke). I refused so my boss had to do it. She said how could I be offended, since I wasn't Jewish? Wish I'd complained to HR.
hahahaha - loving it! All are great (as usual)but the best, I have to say, is your ever-so-careful description of the turkey.
I think this might the funniest thing I have ever read! AWesome!
Your website is my all time favorite! YOU ARE SO WITTY! Keep up the great work :)
This Canadian approves of this post. Happy Almost-Thanksgiving to all my fellow Canadians!
I was reading this while watching Carlos Mencia who, as I'm sure you are well aware, is an equal opportunity offender. He picks at EVERYONE! So... I vote you go back to your normal commentary and if people can't handle it, they can quit reading. I love you! Keep it up.
My husband looked at the last one and said, "Oh. KlupKlakes," which made me snicker. Since I'm Jewish, and he's Black, this post had something for everyone. This blog often makes my day. :)