New Year's Diet Aid
January 21, 2010 Did you know that 89.3% of New Year's resolution diets FAIL in just 3 weeks?
No?
Well, that's probably because I made that stat up. (FACT: 63.4% of statistics are made up on the spot.)
I'm pretty sure most diets do fail, though, on account of their requiring you to eat significantly smaller portions of cake - and, let's face it, that's a trade-off no one wants to make.
Still, for you foolhardy few trudging on in blatant defiance of Mother Nature, your genetics, and the Baskin Robbins large chocolate Oreo shake, here are some motivational visuals sure to make you lose your appetite, if not that spare tire.
Imagine semi-congealed cement. With a chaser of pond scum. And a dead, flattened snake.Now, imagine washing that all down with a niiice, cold glass of milk.
Feeling motivated yet?
I bet this cake would taste really wet. And Reddi-Whip-ee. And...silk flowery.
(C'mon, bakers, really? Chocolate poo swirled icing AND strawberry syrup? Really?)I feel I should warn you: this next cake will guarantee you'll never, EVER, want sprinkles again.
Well, at least not chocolate sprinkles. Yech.
This is one hairy situation, guys. A very public, hairy situation. Not good.Sometimes you don't need icing or sprinkles to Wreck a cake, though. Sometimes, all you need is a can of fruit filling.
I am never eating blueberries again.Hannah C., Ellysa C., Cynthia M., Johanna., Julie & Chris B., Jessica G., & Julia S., with cakes like these, who needs Weight Watchers?
- Related Wreckage: I Think I'll Have the Salad Today
RSS Feed Update: Due to excessive internet thievery (boo, spam blogs!) I've finally had to pull the plug on our full RSS feed. We're still tinkering and experimenting with options, though, so please bear with us!
Reader Comments (228)
Ack! The full post didn't show up in my blog reader. Tell me you didn't limit the feed? I automatically unsubscribe from blogs that make me click though - even the awesome ones like yours. I'll still visit, just not very often. I hope you reconsider!
oh my god, th e4th one looks like blood covered feces =0
I think I threw up a little in my mouth.
Side note: I wondered why no images showed up on live journal. No worries I can follow links like no one's business. :D
@ Dawnspring:
That is too cool! I've truly wanted to try one myself, just to see if I could eat any of it with my eyes (or mouth, for that matter) open! But something about displaying the whole lovely mess in a REAL plastic litter box, and the partially-melted (and kinda shiny) Tootsie Rolls...served with a (supposedly never-been-used) REAL pooper scooper... uuhhhhhh...
I have a cast iron stomach for most things, but the ones I've seen look just a tad too real, especially if you live with the real deal.
Which would be cats, and poop.
But I agree with you on the C-section cakes.
That's just tacky.
>^~.~^<
Wow, those cakes actually made me not want to eat them--and they're CAKE!
So sad.
Those are the worst cakes ever. I can understand the mis-spellings, the messed up "punctuation", and the tragic color choices. But these are just hideous from the word go.
WV: cryingeo - an involuntary response to horrible visual stimuli, cryingeo involves simultanously crying, cringing, and saying "Ohhh".
Thanks for the thought, but unfortunately these pictures won't help me - semi-congealed cement with pond scum and poo-shaped sugary goodness is my favourite meal!
Fact: my pregnancy induced nausea was 93.2% worse after looking at today's post. But you're SO FUNNY that I can't look away. Darn you Jen!
*Gag*
*Choke*
*Gurgle*
*Heave*
I want to say "Can it get any worse?" but I already know the answer!
(Word verification: exess)
LOL I actually LIKE Chad's rat cake... if only because we have pet rats and my soon to be 6yo would laugh himself silly ;) Maybe Chad IS a 6yo rat keeper? I guess we can hope hehe.
Too funny - I think my fave is the one with the rat and the sprinkles. Your site always makes my day! :)
The best. Ever.
Obligatory whining about RSS feed ganking.
I just threw up in my mouth a little, and then laughed a lot 'til I choked.
Bravo Tigerwolf and Kelly!
"This is one hairy situation, guys. A very public, hairy situation. Not good."
Did you purposely use the word public so that at a quick glance it could be mistaken for pubic? ;)
Eeeewwww. . .bloody poo cake, chocolate sprinkles, nasty fish egg looking blueberries. . .I will have nightmares for a week.
Anna Marie
lol@ Wendy--
Maybe yes, maybe no. But the point is, we're ALL thinking it now. :P
Wow, John and Jen, people sure are serious about not being able to obtain their FREE entertainment during WORKING hours! Who knew...
How could you not have saved the boar's head cake to put in this post? It would have been perfectly at home in this "OMG!!! WTF!!!" genre.
Hey all,
I am honestly curious: Why is clicking through a bad thing? Does it take a lot of time or open you up to viruses? Does it cost you money or bog down your computer? It can't be the ads... you can download a simple, free adblocker for that.
I don't know if you guys know this but we have had several sites take all of the content from CW, all of it, and repost it as their own. And they got it from the RSS feed. I realize that limiting the RSS won't stop it completely but it will stop a lot of it.
So I guess the choice is yours. Is the partial RSS enough reason for you to leave forever? If so, I am truly sorry to see you go.
john
I am no computer expert, so bear with me here, but am I to understand that people are unhappy because they have to click a mouse a couple extra times to see CW? Is this insight into the reason America is so obese? We can't even bring ourselves to make a couple extra marginally perceptible moves with an index finger anymore? The only excuse I can think for this being a problem involves paralysis. Or maybe having a hand trapped under something heavy.
Gah, I read that as "a very PUBIC, hairy situation".
Oh! I know! The people who are complaining are the ones who've been stealing your stuff, right?
It's your blog, Jen and John, so do what ya gotta do. If they want their own personal court jesters, they should start by looking on Craigslist or something. I understand that Conan O'Brien is looking for work. Feh on grouchy people, anyway!
If you look at the larger version of the butt cake (I know, why would you?), the little doctor figure is obviously made from a Galactic Heroes Jedi figure, maybe an Obi-Wan, painted up to look like a doctor in scrubs. Totally cute. Doesn't make the cake more tasty-looking, but somebody did go to a lot of trouble to do it.
Okay, I am getting over a stomach virus... that first cake did NOT help my recovery. In fact, I think I will have to look at the rest of them in a few days. Or not. Ugh.
Regarding the RSS feed, it's not a matter of being lazy -- I use my Blackberry or iPod Touch to go through my Google Reader feeds, and if I have to click through, it takes FOREVER to load (and is a lot harder to read because of the dark background).
I understand you gotta do what you gotta do, but I thought I'd share another perspective on why it's disappointing. Hopefully there's a happy compromise somewhere down the road, because I love my wrecks.
That last cake looks like someone sneezed thos blueberries on it-GROSS! :P
Hm, nope. Still want sprinkles.
I DARE you to try and ruin that. My love for sprinkles is deep and pure. It cannot be shaken.
Longtime reader, usually don't bother with the comments because I get it in the RSS feed (haha). Hence this reply, to see what was up and because John asked.
There are problems with the RSS feed being suspended that go beyond "I don't want to click one more time" (which seems kind of lame, IMO).
I use my feed reader because it's a way to catch up on sites while I'm on a low-powered connection or offline. I spend a lot of my week killing time where there's no internet connection, so I download my feed before I leave the house. I also access my feed from my Blackberry when I'm on the go, as another commenter mentioned.
Another reason people use RSS is to set limits on the time they spend surfing the web. I'm sure there are more reasons I haven't thought of too.
However, when it really gets down to the nitty gritty, I and probably many others would be satisfied just getting a note in RSS when there's been an update, even if we have to click through. We may not be able to check Cake Wrecks at work, school, or on the go, but in the end it's just an inconvenience and not a dealbreaker.
One suggestion would be to make a bare-bones, mobile version of the site. I don't know how plausible that is or how difficult it would be because it's on Blogger. But it would help mobile and bad-connection users out in the absence of an RSS feed.
Also, hearing about the plagiarism is awful, and I don't mean to downplay it at all, but is there really any doubt as to who owns and originates the material? Jen has a published book, and Cake Wrecks is pretty well known. I guess I'm just trying to say, I hope you guys are doing more than just taking down the RSS feed to combat this if it's causing you damage. Regardless, we the fans are behind you 100% of the way.
Great post by the way, and by "great" I mean "it made me dry heave."
All the best. =)
Congratulations on all your nominations for the Weblogs Awards. You can be sure I voted for you. Good Luck!
Wow, that second one is really... shiny. And slightly mushed. I'm not sure how you make baked goods look like that. Definitely not natural!
is it just me or does the second cake look like a giant pile of earwax?
ewwww...
Thanks McSandwich,
I know the lag in load time is a pain for those folks using mobile devices. I actually found out that, with an average load time of 5+ seconds, we are considered to be "very slow." Which I blame on Blogger. We really are still working out the options but I appreciate the thoughtfulness of your comment. We knew we would get some backlash from this.
Thanks again,
john
Nice reminder to schedule a colonoscopy...
That first cake is totally a mangled Cthulhu...
Word verification: jital. It is jital that I never see the hairy cake ever again.
these are honestly the worst cakes ive seen on here, and ever.
Wait! You can still have blueberries! Look, the ones I made last night are pretty! And they are not the slimy can-kind o_0 eurgh!
http://hphotos-snc3.fbcdn.net/hs131.snc3/17874_1292074615873_1050497943_897258_2083723_n.jpg
Another vote for full feed. To those who asked, I subscribe to about 100 blogs, newspapers, and other sites. If every one did this, I'd spend my entire day on the Internet rather than the hour or so it now takes me to get through the day's articles (many of which are important for work and school).
I enjoy this site a lot but will have to bid it goodbye if things stay this way. If there were only one site on the web, it would be awesome if it were this one! But it's not the only site out there and I can't give it more consideration than I give any other.
Thanks for listening, thanks for the site, and I'll keep my subscription for a while in the hopes you'll find another way (there are many out there, I'm sure you're already looking into them). But I just can't click through every time.
What's an RSS feed?
Really Super Spaghetti? Like a potluck?
I've heard of "CPS feed" (Chicken Pie Supper feed); is it similar?
Why would anyone get upset because they can't eat while using their high-tech, hand-held devices?
I think we need to calm down...maybe go back to the days when everyone had more couth...sit a spell and have a spot of tea ... gossip about the neighbors...
Everyone is in too much of a hurry these days, aren't they?
Instant gratification! Yikes.
Here's our new National Anthem: Queen's "I WANT IT ALL"!!!
=^-.-^=
That second cake looks like the candle the Mythbusters tried to make out of earwax on a recent episode, except shiny. In a bad way. Like, mucous-shiny.
WV: Broca, as in the bakeries will go broca trying to make money selling these cakes. (or possibly as in Broca's area which is part of the brain-- some of these cakes resemble brain matter...ew...)
Yet another RSS feed reader here: please make it work out! I am very forgetful and will miss out on the cake wreckery without it.
I could only think "W T F" when I saw the first cake for today and it only got worse from there. The comments about the blueberries were hysterical. Love it all!
WV: FYISHE - there's something very fyishe about those cakes!
The "bloody stool" cake was good, but for me, the sheer, Zen simplicity of the "frog-egg" cake really... uhm... took the cake... As such.
When I first saw the "Chad" cake, I thought the little animal was an anteater, and that the sprinkles were supposed to be ants. I thought that was cute, not gross!
My second thought after that was, "How did they find a little anteater to put on the cake?"
Then I clicked on the picture and saw it in full size, saw that it was a mouse, and went, "EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!"
I feel...gross...after looking at those cakes.
Easily the grossest post you have ever made. Keep scaling to new heights! :)
--kate
Easily the grossest post you have ever made. Keep scaling to new heights! :)
--kate
Wonder if anyone was able to actually eat any of these cakes- how can you dissociate that much what you are seeing?
Yeah, I am done with food for today.
Another vote that limited RSS is fine. I'm not in a position that I can't click through or clicking through takes too long, so I don't mind a bit. Like someone mentioned above, a limited RSS post at least lets us know that we need to check the main page!
Thanks for the hard Wrecky work!
Wow. Zizz. Now you have to go and get my appetite all up n' running...huh. Yeah, I could never see someone paying for these cakes, but if they eat them, they're even stranger.:)