Seasonal Non Sequiturs
December 17, 2008 I appreciate that some decorators are trying to think outside the traditional wreath/stocking/tree box, but then again...
For the granddaughter who loves dissecting frogs - formaldehyde frosting optional. (And you know, without the comma "Love Grandma" becomes more of a command. A really creepy one.)
Have a cake left over from Halloween? Meh, just slap a Santa hat on it.*
The head of a flower, the face of a snowman, the body of a slug, and a candy cane for a...belt buckle. (Please, let's just go with belt buckle.) "Let it Snow"? How about "Let it Go" - as in, away. Far, far away.
Brace yourself for this next one:
The mind, it boggles. Is this a frilly white Santa caterpillar, crawling up a red boulder? Or has Santa sampled some Wonka chewing gum (with cherry pie dessert)? The back certainly does nothing to clear up the mystery:
What IS that little bump? A tail?
Even more baffling, the decorator thought this was such a smashing design that s/he made it in miniature as well:
Now the bumps are on the side. What does it mean?!?
Try to picture those "cakes" without the plastic Santa heads for a moment. I'm getting a real "raw meatballs sitting in radioactive waste" vibe - how 'bout you?
Thanks to intrepid Wreckporters Brittney E., Meredith O., Kelly D., & Heather K.!
*I'm told this is actually a Grinch cake. Not sure that alleviates the wreckiness, though.
Reader Comments (218)
i think the santa-piller is supposed to be a hat of some sort...
I'm pretty sure the white stuff on Santa's back is his bag. The bag comes up over his shoulder and down into the little bump which is his mittened hand holding the end of the bag.
I love Oscar the Grouch with a santa hat!!
You're a loser. I was trying to eat my sandwich and almost choked. This is my #1 site.
Merry Christmas Everybody!
I love your blog, and I read it religiously every day. I've seen every single cake you've posted here, and there have been some scary ones...
but never..
NEVER
Have I been so traumatized by a cake as the Santapillars. I think I might have nightmares about that tonight! *shiver*
Oh No! Oscar the Grouch has jaundice!
OH no, you totally bruised my ribs today! How could you hit us with four like that in a row? Ha ha!
and those meatball santas - hee. Now I want to buy one...
Hilarious. Bravo, Jen, as always.
-Deb
uuuuuuuuuhhhhhh
The surrealists strike again!
I want a Santa caterpillar. It looks adorable! And fuzzy.
As long as it doesn't talk. Talking caterpillars are Right Out.
Here's hoping the frog with the really big lips is not a depiction of Grandma. Heh, because whatever it is has a vital organ showing through the scalpel slice.
Very poor Grinch, but I disagree about Oscar... he doesn't look like him either. Looks more like a furry pea with snake eyes.
I can't get over the Santa blimp though. :D Or is it a Santa duck? The first one does appear to be swimming... around seaweed... And that'd explain the tail.
Word verification: misistslo. "I'll be home for Christmas. You can count on me. Please have snow, and misistslo... and presents under the tree..."
I thought the Snowman Blossom said "1st it Snors", and I'm not ven kidding.
Those Santa...things terrify the living daylights outta me. If you were cleaning in preparation for your holiday party, pulled up your mattress, and found a colony of misshapen Santa cakes milling about, you would cancel the party and move to another state.
At least I would.
What the AYCH was up with the creepy frog?
When I first saw the "grinch" cake I was thinking more along the lines of Oscar the Grouch. Wearing a Santa hat.
Also...that's the fattest Santa I've ever seen.
Oh my, we've got dissectable frogs, Oscar the "Grinch", Wonka dinner gum with blueberry pie, AND a Dune reference?! This thread has EVERYTHING!
Everything, I tell you!
I think the "Let it Snow" cake is a snowflake on an evergreen branch. The frosting pine needles are actually pretty good, and I like that the snowflake is actually the right shape. Weird cake, but relatively well done.
You know what I get one accidental Santa slug. I dont really understand the need to make it in mini form. Did they really think it looked better in the smaller version.
I think some was dipping in the egg nog a little to early.
I just noticed that the Grinch cake HAS a Santa hat on it! It's the flat top of the cake and it comes off to the side. I guess they get points for adding it?
Grinch? I thought he was some sort of albino Santa Merman!
i needed that santa blob--laughed til it hurt
I totally have those Santa Slugs all figured out. That first ginormous santa ball is Santa's little head sitting atop his bloated body, and that additional blob at the end of the white fluff is actually his mittened hand holding the sack of toys that's connected to his head. In addition, the little santa blobs are again, bloated santa bodies and the extra blob hat thing on each one is his hand, emerging from his bloated meatball body.
Oh, and my first impression of the green head was that it was Oscar the Grouch, not the grouchy Grinch.
I saw a head-scratcher of a trapazoidal Christmas present cupcake cake gone wrong at the local Meijer today.
I circled the bakery for 10 minutes waiting for the store manager and bakery worker to get away from the case so I could snap a pic, but to no avail... They were guarding the monstrosity. Must try again this weekend.
Picture this.... It was an elongated cupcake trapazoid on its side; "wrapped" with 3 different styles of "paper"-combos of red, blue and white; with two vertical, parallel white "ribbons" so its "paper" was equally divided; plus what I assume to be a half-assed frosting "bow" in the upper left corner.
WV: zoodo..... Brown frosting makes cakes appear to have zoodo on them.
I prefer to think of the Love Grandma line as more of an Austin Powers thing...
"Hey there sonny, they call me the Love Grandma. Wanna come over for some home cookin'?"
A SANTERPILLAR!!! This is hilarious!!
Or from another angle, it does look like a whale.
I have no idea what it's supposed to mean! Is that an island, or some kind of partially-submerged turtle? But then what is the whale-looking stuff?
These wrecks are REALLY weird...
I knew that after a hundred comments, I wasn't going to be the only person to make the "Santa/Slither" connection. I'm just now picturing Kris Kringle, saying "There's something wrong with me..."
(Word verification: Curdu. Obviously the long-lost tongue of the cheesemakers of ancient Wisconsin, no longer spoken save in half-understood fragments at the mystical ceremonies of Burnett County.
Radioactive meatballs...maybe they're just trying to bring life to "It's Christmas at Ground Zero"!
As I was lmao at the Santa Slug my 6 yr old came over to see what was so funny. He stared at the screen and then said in utter bewilderment "Mom? What IS that? Did someone make a Santa Turkey cake? Why?" Which made me almost fall off my chair I was laughing so hard!
My husband wondered if maybe the Santas were in their sacks of toys?
I thought it was a combination turkey-santa cake ... like it could be sold Thanksgiving through Christmas. I thought "turkey" (after briefly considering football/holiday bowl games) b/c the "bump" looks like the drumstick (except there's just one:)
I love the "Grinch" cake. I'm sorry, but that looks more like Oscar the Grouch with a Santa hat, and we all know that he doesn't have that kind of Christmas spirit.
My 6 year old says the Santa caterpillar cake is "Ca-razy!" Future wreckporter perhaps?
Those are "Dune" Santas, for sure.
I'm a lurker around here but have never posted a comment. However, this one warranted a post.
What IS that thing at the very top of the "snowflower"? Upon close examination, I believe it to be holly (which of course makes TOTAL sense). But at first I thought it was a giant green bug. Ew. How...authentic.
My first thought at seeing #4 was "Santa joined ZZ Top?"
I thought someone at the bakery came up with the bright idea of making a festive green alien cake. "I come in peace this holiday season, Earthlings." The Grinch? Surely you jest.
WV: enticre - These wrecks have failed to enticre me into doing business at those bakeries.
GUYS!!
Don't you see what's transpired here (with the first cake, that looks more like a cookie)?
Look at the box. Its top is flopped open, reviling--I mean, revealing the cake /cookie, and the little, green, homeless, unfortunate creature, who had jumped /climbed in, looking for a warm place in which to spend a night.
Who knew that the lid would come slamming down at closing time?!
LIGHTS OUT!! Sleep well, my lovelies! The baker heads for home...
This is what was found the next morning. A scene fozen in time, a face (little and green) contorted in horror at seeing that there was no escape...
...I can't go on. *sniff*
The Santas remind me a bit of Santa in "The Nightmare Before Christmas" except that they (the cakes) are completely horrible.
Word verification: bleeplin, as in "who let the bleeplin decorator run amok?"
Is that cake for someone named "Galneilla" or what?
Whoa--Santa the Hutt! Those things scared the bejeezus outta me.
Santapillars???
I saw Mr Creosote (from Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life) dressed up in a back-to-front Santa suit.
Better get a bucket!!!
They may have skimped on the pate but they certainly didn't skimp on the frosting!!!
That snowman-flower-slug creature with a candy cane for a belt buckle missed his calling - he's even scarier-looking than all the strange creatures in one of the bad drug trip hallucination scenes from Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas.
too many posts b4 me to read them all, But Santa looks like a mermaid! (merman) see the blue water and green seaweed floating around?
I didn't read the comments yet, but my first thought is that I see Oscar the Grouch. And upon a page search (handy dandy CTRL+F)I see that others do as well.
word verf: fulph - the noise made when one is consuming any of the above cakes...or looking at them.
After having stared at it in baffled horror for ten minutes, here's my take on the Santa cakes:
Santa's sleigh obviously crashed while he was over a major body of water. He bailed out and all seemed lost...but wait! The Elf R&D department were clever this year and came up with just the suit for emergencies like this. With one pull of the ripcord, Santa's suit inflates instantly into a rubber dinghy and he floats fearlessly upon the waves, trailing seaweed! Now all he has to do is wait for Rudolph to pick up on his GPS signal and they'll have the old boy back in no time. Yeah, the cargo of toys was sadly lost in flight, but it'll make some people stranded on deserted islands very happy this year.
Once again, I'm literally in tears. Santa caterpillars! Oh my God. I love it.
santa mermaids, perhaps?
Grinch or not--it's still horrible!
The Santa-meatball worm masterpiece is seriously reminding me of that movie The Thing. Any second that Santa head will sproud white frosting legs and crawl away.
Get me a flamethrower!
whoa... raw meatballs in radioactive slime? Or Invader Zim?
http://art2.server06.sheezyart.com/medium/157/1571440.jpg
Either way - creepy yet hillarious!
Baker: "Mr Snowman is that a candy cane or are ya just happy to see me?"
Snowman: "C`mon, you can`t blame meeee, that cookie-cake frog/grinch/creature is practically asking for it!!!"
Scary. Awful. But those white blobs of extra frosting in the twin Santa caterpillars climbing on red boulders are very very appealing.
Very appealing indeed.
I those are supposed to be mullets on the Willy Wonka santas.
I am ever so weary of (okay, SO bleeding sick of) seeing "Let it snow!" on everything. Like we can STOP the snow. OR the song. (If only!) A snowflake leering at us from a branch wouldn't have been too awful had the snowflake been MUCH smaller; better yet would be to have more OF them. Without faces. Why settle for "just plain goofy," when you COULD have had "almost interesting."